Kansas Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Well, I'm on 25 days NC and so far its been the roller coaster ride from hell. Lately I've been catching myself remembering bits and pieces of conversations that we had (not memories) and comments that he made and just trying to make sense of it all. It's almost like I'm trying to fix it in my head ... one day he said this, and I said this and maybe if I had said that or acted like this then it wouldn't of led to that ... Or what's even worse, is I'll catch myself trying to figure what he was thinking in actual instances and how he came to the point where he just decided to say, **** it, I'm out ... again! I know that in the end, it just raises more questions than answers. And regardless, the outcome is still the same - he's gone and it really doesn't matter any more. Has love lost all meaning? Fawk! I forgave him because I loved him. I didn't sit there just waiting for him to screw up, with one foot out the door. I didn't get pissed off and then date other people to spite him. I can think of a million and one reasons why I should hate him but the love is still there. On days like today I just want to carve out my heart with a dull butter knife ... I'm sure it would hurt less than this. Fawk this really hurts.
bluebirdsfly Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Lately I've been catching myself remembering bits and pieces of conversations that we had (not memories) and comments that he made and just trying to make sense of it all. It's almost like I'm trying to fix it in my head ... one day he said this, and I said this and maybe if I had said that or acted like this then it wouldn't of led to that ... Don't worry. That's the Guilty Stage of healing. I did it all the time at first. It will stop. Hang in there!
stopthemadness Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) So sorry for your pain.But good for you on the 25 days of n/c. You dont say how long youve been broke up. Ive been broke up for going on 7 months now. I did everything you did, going over everything in my mind. Spent alot of days wondering Why not me? Why would he wanta date the whole world(meeting women on line) and not me? But am soo much better now then i was. As time goes by its gets better. These days i go with "Who Cares". When I hear smthing about him, I say "who cares" and now i really dont care. You hang in there. Youll get soo tired of thinking of him that your mind will just wont want to at some point. Edited January 26, 2011 by stopthemadness
marqueemoon4 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 i don't understand it either.. all the hell my stbx has put me through the last 6mos, she treats me TERRIBLY and like I'm nothing to her and for some unknown reason I still love her and miss her alot. This really isn't me, I'm not known for being a cupcake like this. And Im sure she'll continue to doormat me as long as I let her.
Recommended Posts