reknown29 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 This has been a slow process. I'm just getting angry with my ex when I had countless reasons to be angry with her from day 1. Even after writing 8 pages of things that I should be angry with her about months ago, I am just now starting to feel legitimately angry at her. I'm shocked at how long this has taken. She cheated on me, left me to go alone on a trip to Europe, blamed everything on me, beat me to the ground to justify her feelings, etc. etc. It's amazing how jaded one gets when they put their hearts in someone's hands. I have had very little contact with her. maybe once every two weeks, and a brief text. Then once a month a brief coffee. This is the reason it is taking so long. Though, I dont think I could have not responded to the sort of messages she gave me. She left me hanging and said that we may get back together. She was full of ****. She just wants to be on good terms so she can feel better about herself. I feel confident that I would never get back with this girl. Even if she begged me. She is too out of touch with who I am and what I feel. The whole experience has been deeply painful. To realize that someone who you thought was on your side suddenly betrays you and drops you carelessly, is worse than any physical pain. I became a stranger to her overnight. She even forgot my age. though, I cant sit here and blame her anymore. There were warning signs. I was being a dreamer about the relationship and ignoring the messages she was giving me about her not trusting herself, from day one. I thought I would be the one. I thought I could fix her. Big mistake that I will not be doing again in this lifetime. I will always be sad when I think of her. It now happens about once a day, instead of all day long. I literally feel a knife stab into my chest when I do think of her. I wonder if she feels like she made a mistake. I wonder if she is happy with her decision like she says she is. I will never know. I may see her once in a while but the person I see now is completely different. She has leeched on to other men and is pleasing them. I can even hear it in the way she talks now. I cant cry at the gravestone my whole life though. Its time to get up and see what else the world will throw my way. One thing I learned is to always put myself first. Not becuase this is the way things should be, but because I cant ever go through another heart break like this again. This is my second one so far. The idea of unconditional love has been erased from me. It is a myth. "We are born in to this world alone, we die in this world alone. We can handle being in the middle alone."
bl22 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) This has been a slow process. I'm just getting angry with my ex when I had countless reasons to be angry with her from day 1. Even after writing 8 pages of things that I should be angry with her about months ago, I am just now starting to feel legitimately angry at her. I'm shocked at how long this has taken. She cheated on me, left me to go alone on a trip to Europe, blamed everything on me, beat me to the ground to justify her feelings, etc. etc. It's amazing how jaded one gets when they put their hearts in someone's hands. I have had very little contact with her. maybe once every two weeks, and a brief text. Then once a month a brief coffee. This is the reason it is taking so long. Though, I dont think I could have not responded to the sort of messages she gave me. She left me hanging and said that we may get back together. She was full of ****. She just wants to be on good terms so she can feel better about herself. I feel confident that I would never get back with this girl. Even if she begged me. She is too out of touch with who I am and what I feel. The whole experience has been deeply painful. To realize that someone who you thought was on your side suddenly betrays you and drops you carelessly, is worse than any physical pain. I became a stranger to her overnight. She even forgot my age. though, I cant sit here and blame her anymore. There were warning signs. I was being a dreamer about the relationship and ignoring the messages she was giving me about her not trusting herself, from day one. I thought I would be the one. I thought I could fix her. Big mistake that I will not be doing again in this lifetime. I will always be sad when I think of her. It now happens about once a day, instead of all day long. I literally feel a knife stab into my chest when I do think of her. I wonder if she feels like she made a mistake. I wonder if she is happy with her decision like she says she is. I will never know. I may see her once in a while but the person I see now is completely different. She has leeched on to other men and is pleasing them. I can even hear it in the way she talks now. I cant cry at the gravestone my whole life though. Its time to get up and see what else the world will throw my way. One thing I learned is to always put myself first. Not becuase this is the way things should be, but because I cant ever go through another heart break like this again. This is my second one so far. The idea of unconditional love has been erased from me. It is a myth. "We are born in to this world alone, we die in this world alone. We can handle being in the middle alone." I could have written pretty much all this myself. I know how you're feeling, after 4 months myself, it stil kind of feels like a dream...almost like im just going to live out this dream for the rest of my life and never wake back up to the life I was in and supposed to live out. Ouch. I feel we are making progress though, just try to stay strong and push through this. Ive learnt so much from this experience Edited January 26, 2011 by bl22
timchambo Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 wow can feel the pain in those words man. deep. I completely understand how you can throw away the idea of unconditional love. I'm struggling with that right now. If I had to go through this again I might just turn asexual. 7 years with my girl, overnight the engagement was broken off and she with a new dude. I can relate. My hate came after about 1 month of NC. Maybe you should avoid all contact to speed it up a bit.
Shadowburn Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's ok not to feel angry. After my break up I was waiting for anger to come, but it just never did. My ex did what he felt was right for him. I did what I felt was right for me. In the end, it didn't matter who did what because it was not working out and it was pointless to continue on trying to raise the dead. I don't doubt the love that we had for each other. I believe if circumstances were different, we might've had a shot. But they were what they were. And being angry with someone who didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved is childish. No one owes you anything. If you're over age of 5, you have to get a grip on things and realize there will be people who will not love you and will not approve of you, and it really is ok, and it doesn't make you a bad person. It just is the way it is, and that's a beauty of life - to live and to grow and learn. Love and peace to all, Shadow
Owz600 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I am almost 1 month NC since break up and yesterday I felt very angry at her I think I may be at that stage, It is slowly sinking in that we will never be back together. I put her first instead of myself and she took it all and left me in the dust. Never again.
dng Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) And being angry with someone who didn't love you the way you wanted to be loved is childish. No one owes you anything. If you're over age of 5, you have to get a grip on things and realize there will be people who will not love you and will not approve of you, and it really is ok, and it doesn't make you a bad person. It just is the way it is, and that's a beauty of life - to live and to grow and learn. This is true, however you are missing the point. What he is talking about is someone that professed true love to him for a number of months or years, something that made him feel safe and wanted, that made him trust and open his heart to that person, who then left him for no clear reason but made sure he'd stay around to answer to her needs for as long as she needed - used him to move on. You are talking about something honest and relating to your experience (maybe?) of unrequited or unbalanced love, which is understandable, when explained. He is talking about betrayal, in a sense. About dealing with a cameleon who will change its color completely, in front of you, in a matter of days. I can understand where he's coming from having just awoken from a similar experience and believe me, I tried ending it peacefully for months before I went hard core with anger to get her off my back. To add insult to injury, I still wonder if I did the right thing and still miss her, and that's because she blamed everything on me and bashed my head in with guilt and shame while I was at my lowest. Edited January 26, 2011 by dng
JrRos Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Punching bags group buy? I'll take one Everything passes eventually. Unless of course you're trying to keep the feelings for the person that hurt you alive.
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