sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 So this guy http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t259206/ told me yesterday after a work project that he's started seeing a girl. I would be lying if I said I didn't have my suspicion of late. Even then, I feel a little disappointed, wondering if things could have been different, whether I could have handled it differently and how he "suddenly" got a girlfriend. This thread is not about me wanting to try for more. I just want to move on, learn from this experience and get back out there. I guess I just want to hear from you guys some encouragement, that it's okay to have "failed" and I can still get back on my feet back into the big pond waiting out there.
DuskCrush Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 This has happened to me -- and I did the same thing...wonder what might have been, was I too cold, did I play to much games blah blah blah. It doesn't matter though. Chances are he was 'just not that into you' and it's not really your fault. Act like you have someone --it will make him go Nuts. Mwhahaha.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Act like you have someone I like this.
Nexus One Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Act like you have someone --it will make him go Nuts. Don't do it. It's likely that he'll put you on his "do not pursue list" or that he'll find out you've been bullsh*tting him. If you tell him, he can tell someone else and that someone else might know the truth. Don't get yourself in that situation.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I don't think I want to break anyone up. So chances are he won't have the opportunity to pursue me.
fishtaco Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 You didn't show interest, so he moved on. Sounds pretty normal to me. I wouldn't waste time on someone that's not interested in me, and neither should you, or anyone else. Opportunities don't just sit around and wait for you to make up your mind. If you want something, you have to act on it. That's all. So what you're supposed to do now is to move on as well, just like he did. Also, "seeing someone" and "having a girlfriend" are completely different. After the first date and you have a pending next date, you can already say you're seeing the person. It really doesn't take much. Plus if he's a multi dater, well then of course.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 You didn't show interest, so he moved on. Sounds pretty normal to me. I wouldn't waste time on someone that's not interested in me, and neither should you, or anyone else. Opportunities don't just sit around and wait for you to make up your mind. If you want something, you have to act on it. That's all. So what you're supposed to do now is to move on as well, just like he did. Also, "seeing someone" and "having a girlfriend" are completely different. After the first date and you have a pending next date, you can already say you're seeing the person. It really doesn't take much. Plus if he's a multi dater, well then of course. I just feel maybe I didn't have the chance to show interest, in that I wasn't given a "long enough" time. I'm a slow starter and it takes a while for me to warm up. Not an excuse though. Now I really won't have the opportunity to do so.
DuskCrush Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Don't do it. It's likely that he'll put you on his "do not pursue list" or that he'll find out you've been bullsh*tting him. If you tell him, he can tell someone else and that someone else might know the truth. Don't get yourself in that situation. I'm not saying to go around telling people that you have someone...Just answer your phone when your friend calls you and act gushing or go off and talk in private...Everyone will assume you are talking to your boyfriend (LOLOL) and he will go a little mental. FUNNY X 100.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I'm not saying to go around telling people that you have someone...Just answer your phone when your friend calls you and act gushing or go off and talk in private...Everyone will assume you are talking to your boyfriend (LOLOL) and he will go a little mental. FUNNY X 100. Why do you think the guy would go mental though?
fishtaco Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Why do you think the guy would go mental though? Because women tend to go mental if you pull that same trick on them too. In fact, maybe he pulled the same trick on you, his new "seeing someone status" may be this exact same trick. And you went from "not sure if interested", to "lamenting that you won't have the opportunity". If he comes back now and show you some attention, I bet you would be a lot more interested in reciprocating, because you've been "given a new opportunity" (which maybe nothing more than a perception that he's building), and you wouldn't want to miss it. See, it works. This is really just dating mind games 101. One of the most basic strategies you can pull out to gain some interest from a disinterested person. I've pulled this trick on women before, to varying degrees of success. Doesn't work all the time, but sometimes, it does. But now, for me, it's too much work. I rather just bail and find someone else. But that's just me.
O'Malley Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's a bad idea to attempt to make this guy jealous; it would just make you look pathetic. I think the concern you had (about getting involved with a coworker) was valid. Rejection can be painful, and there's nothing wrong with moving on by bring polite and professional, but putting some distance between you. His petulant behavior when he perceived you weren't interested, and bringing up how he's dating someone else, comes across as rather childish. I'd be wary of getting involved with someone if they handled a minor rejection in that manner. The only lessons to take from this is that if you are interested in someone, there's nothing wrong with taking some initiative. Sometimes things don't fall exactly into place. If you're not interested, make that clear as well.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Because women tend to go mental if you pull that same trick on them too. In fact, maybe he pulled the same trick on you, his new "seeing someone status" may be this exact same trick. And you went from "not sure if interested", to "lamenting that you won't have the opportunity". If he comes back now and show you some attention, I bet you would be a lot more interested in reciprocating, because you've been "given a new opportunity" (which maybe nothing more than a perception that he's building), and you wouldn't want to miss it. See, it works. This is really just dating mind games 101. One of the most basic strategies you can pull out to gain some interest from a disinterested person. I've pulled this trick on women before, to varying degrees of success. Doesn't work all the time, but sometimes, it does. But now, for me, it's too much work. I rather just bail and find someone else. But that's just me. But he really is seeing someone now. If he's not lying about it, why would it appear that he was only trying to make me jealous?
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 It's a bad idea to attempt to make this guy jealous; it would just make you look pathetic. I think the concern you had (about getting involved with a coworker) was valid. Rejection can be painful, and there's nothing wrong with moving on by bring polite and professional, but putting some distance between you. His petulant behavior when he perceived you weren't interested, and bringing up how he's dating someone else, comes across as rather childish. I'd be wary of getting involved with someone if they handled a minor rejection in that manner. The only lessons to take from this is that if you are interested in someone, there's nothing wrong with taking some initiative. Sometimes things don't fall exactly into place. If you're not interested, make that clear as well. It stings a little that I let an opportunity go to waste when I had it even if I could learn this lesson for the next time.
DuskCrush Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Why do you think the guy would go mental though? Men are territorial and hate being reminded that they are not special--whatever his level of interest (as long as he had interest to begin with) he will get jealous and act out a little/a lot. Consider it a sociological experiment and just do it. It's so funny.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I know I've said I'm not looking to try for more or break other people's relationships but to move on and learn from the experience. But it hurts to think I "could have" thrown whatever opportunity I had away. I don't know why it hurts since nothing really began between us. I'm just hurting away.
fishtaco Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 But he really is seeing someone now. If he's not lying about it, why would it appear that he was only trying to make me jealous? My point is the effectiveness of the trick DarkCrush mentioned. Let's say he was only pretending to be seeing someone. Well it worked didn't it? You are now interested as opposed to "not sure". Actually kudos to him if he really is seeing someone else. That's the right way to do it. Faking it tend to backfire, because sometimes women can tell, and that just ends up looking pathetic, like O'Malley said. Really actually seeing someone else has a much stronger punch, and can accomplish this trick with more gusto. Also it's just a guess on my part. I don't know what he's trying to pull. I'm just saying what DarkCrush said is a very common technique. One that I think is not worth doing, but, yes, it could make an interesting social experiment. I've done it before already, so to me it'd be pointless as an experiment. For you, well that's for you to decide. But know that every time you play games, you run the risk of it backfiring. It's not an argument for or against playing games, but more like be aware of what you're getting yourself into.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 My point is the effectiveness of the trick DarkCrush mentioned. Let's say he was only pretending to be seeing someone. Well it worked didn't it? You are now interested as opposed to "not sure". That's actually quite true. Before this, I wasn't sure and didn't act on whatever feelings I might have. Now that it's become a reality, I suddenly found myself wanting a second chance. But he said they're serious. It feels like I've just been punched in the face.
fishtaco Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 That's actually quite true. Before this, I wasn't sure and didn't act on whatever feelings I might have. Now that it's become a reality, I suddenly found myself wanting a second chance. But he said they're serious. It feels like I've just been punched in the face. Sorry you feel this way, sounds like you are not very experienced in dating. O'Malley's post is actually the most balanced one I feel. Learn your lesson and move on. But do what you gotta do.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Sorry you feel this way, sounds like you are not very experienced in dating. O'Malley's post is actually the most balanced one I feel. Learn your lesson and move on. But do what you gotta do. Thanks. Did you mean I came across as inexperienced in dating because I took something that didn't happen so badly? I always took such situations to heart. I hate myself for that because it drains me.
fishtaco Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks. Did you mean I came across as inexperienced in dating because I took something that didn't happen so badly? I always took such situations to heart. I hate myself for that because it drains me. I meant that because of two things: 1) You didn't know what you wanted. If you were interested, you should have responded positively. 2) You mentally over invested. A missed opportunity is bad, but it shouldn't make you feel this bad. These two are common newbie mistakes. And I don't mean experienced daters are robots. They feel the same impact too, but not to the extent you are. But there's nothing wrong with being a newbie. We were all newbies once. I had to take punches in my face until I learned as well. It is what it is. Again, the most important thing here is to learn the lesson. If you play the DarkCrush trick, if you follow O'Malley's post, up to you. As long as you've learned something about yourself and dating, then it was a good thing. Good luck.
DuskCrush Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Fishtaco---it's DUSKcrush...not darkcrush. Anyway it's not a trick designed to get him --it's just a little revenge and a bit of saving face. PLUS IT IS REALLY FUNNY!!! Sayitasitis-- Don't feel too bad about things-->chances are He Always Had A Girlfriend. Think about it--how can you just start seeing someone and be in a serious relationship? Hmmmm seems odd right. Unless, he had a girlfriend all along hence the need for him to make indirect moves towards you rather than just ask you out. Chances are he was feeling you out for a fling or something. Maybe. I don't know. I'm just guessing from what you wrote. p.s.--I take situations/non-situations to heart too. It's normal. Some of us are just built that way.
Author sayitasitis Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 p.s.--I take situations/non-situations to heart too. It's normal. Some of us are just built that way. Thanks. I would like to be able to walk away from such situations without giving a hoot. So much easier that way. Sayitasitis-- Don't feel too bad about things-->chances are He Always Had A Girlfriend. Think about it--how can you just start seeing someone and be in a serious relationship? Hmmmm seems odd right. From what I know, it started recently but they've known each other for a long time. Does that make sense now? Unless, he had a girlfriend all along hence the need for him to make indirect moves towards you rather than just ask you out. Chances are he was feeling you out for a fling or something. Maybe. I don't know. I'm just guessing from what you wrote. I kind of think he was feeling me out, whether or not he was all along in an LTR. He still asks me out. Why, I don't know. Probably as a friend since he's said he considers me that.
fishtaco Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Fishtaco---it's DUSKcrush...not darkcrush. My bad. You can call me fashtoco for revenge if you like.
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