spiderowl Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) I'm on a dating site or two and I'm genuinely interested in meeting a decent guy. However, it seems just when I get into a message exchange with someone who sounds nice, he seems to blow it. I just feel like they are taking me for a fool. If they are not talking down to me and treating me like I'm a teenager who knows nothing, they are being over-familiar and calling me babe or honey or something. Or they start talking crude (and I don't mean natural references to sex that might crop up in any conversation with a friend but far too over-familiar for the few minutes we've been in contact). I feed so jaded about all this, I'm thinking of giving up dating sites altogether. Why can't these guys treat me like a normal, intelligent adult instead of some tart they feel they can manipulate like this? I have thought am I just uptight but other women I've talked to have said they'd feel the same. In real life, I'm a bit reserved but I have male friends who seem to enjoy my company and others who ask me out, so I'm obviously not offputting in person. Is it me or them? Edited January 26, 2011 by spiderowl
daphne Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's generally going to be them, however there are things you can do to mitigate it. How are you dressed in your photos? If you are showing cleavage or a little skin, even if it looks nice it's going to come across as a come on to some of these guys. How do you present yourself in your profile? If you come across as a bit conservative and looking for a relationship and not just for fun, that type of guy will get bored and look for the next one. The bait you use determines what kind of guy approaches you. I have had my share of weirdos, but I haven't really had much sexually inappropriate behavior/suggestions. I come across as a bit conservative though, and my photos reflect the same. If you're doing these things, don't take it personally. You don't do anything to make them that way. You just may attract them for some other reason.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 If you can meet men in real life, why do you bother with online dating? Half the men on there are not looking for a serious relationship, it's all games to them. Either that, or they have more options to choose from and doesn't care about offending one or two ladies in the process.
Author spiderowl Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks for your replies, I am hoping to learn from this as I think I've reached the end of the road with online dating. My photos couldn't be more conservative, just head shot, no cleavage, make up subtle, smiling not leering It's good you mentioned it though, just in case. There is nothing on my profile to suggest I'm looking for anything other than a decent relationship with a genuine guy. I think you're probably right in asking why I'm bothering. It's the classic, I suppose: I have friends, nice male friends, but just haven't met someone I feel mentally and physically attracted to. Well, I have, but they've always been in relationships already so out of the question. I know there are genuine guys on dating sites, but I'm so lacking in trust now with ones that I do feel are possibles because I expect them to turn into liars or perverts any minute. I have had a bad experience with a guy I met on a dating site who basically just 'disappeared' on me. He was a real player and I only realised afterwards that I'd trusted him too much and that he just enjoyed the challenge of getting into my life, walking around in it, and then disappearing. The others I'm not attracted to.
Jazzari Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I flat out state in my profile that I'm not looking for a FWB and that I'm not interested in serial dating. Some guys need it spelled out. Then again, many of them don't bother to read the profile. I've seen some people mention something mid way though their profile and ask people to mention it in an email - just to prove that they read it. If its not mentioned, its an auto delete. I haven't done that but it's an interesting idea.
Seamless74 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 While I understand your perspective, You must understand as well as even a quote unqoute nice guy or whatever sometimes just gets bored as hell with the inaction and pointlessness of an online dating process thats clearly slanted toward females.. So if they throw out an off the cuff inappropriate remark that ruffles your delicate sensibilities its either A.) they truly are just passing time and really dont think your the queen of their desires., Basically just sending out emails to pretty (and i use that term loosely online) girls is just tiding them over until the next time they jerk off.. or B.) They are actually damaged or messed up.. Neither should be a suprise because... you guessed it its online dating,, Everybodys there for a reason lol... including the women. So ponder that abit and youd be suprised how many women with the same annoying.. "Dont contact me if your just looking for a quick ****" "Im only looking for serious relationship and someone who I could potentially be with forever" will actually start talking sex and come over and screw within 7 or 8 emails so u know? its a bull**** world online dating that is... I suggest go grab a helmet and go outside and meet somebody.
Feelin Frisky Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's not you. It's definitely them.............baby doll.
lois_80 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It's generally going to be them, however there are things you can do to mitigate it. How are you dressed in your photos? If you are showing cleavage or a little skin, even if it looks nice it's going to come across as a come on to some of these guys. How do you present yourself in your profile? If you come across as a bit conservative and looking for a relationship and not just for fun, that type of guy will get bored and look for the next one. The bait you use determines what kind of guy approaches you. I have had my share of weirdos, but I haven't really had much sexually inappropriate behavior/suggestions. I come across as a bit conservative though, and my photos reflect the same. If you're doing these things, don't take it personally. You don't do anything to make them that way. You just may attract them for some other reason. Regarding profile pictures... Have you guys seen this blog post on the OkCupid blog? It goes into some common myths and misconceptions about profile pics, or "bait" as you put it
Nexus One Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Regarding profile pictures... Have you guys seen this blog post on the OkCupid blog? It goes into some common myths and misconceptions about profile pics, or "bait" as you put it Interesting read.
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