intheknow Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I stumbled upon this site recently and have been reading through these threads and love the advice given. I finally decided to register and and tell my story and see what others think. About 2 years ago I suspected my husband of cheating with a coworker. They went to lunch almost everyday. Not only that but the OW sent text messages to my husband while out of work. The OW was having problems in her relationship and since her and my husband were basically thrown together a lot for work she confided in him. A few times after he and i argued he asked her for her advice and she asked him. During a company outing i attended the OW was there and wouldnt even talk to me (we had been introduced previously), i thought that was very strange and my husband's discomfort level was at an all time high when this happened. As well as the text messages my husband met her sister and brother at her house. Their type of work required they leave the office on occasion and this one occasion they stopped by her family's house for lunch because they were in the area. This bothered me and i thought it was pretty strange. Eventually the OW was offered a position at a different company and left. They kept in touch and my husband even met her for lunch one afternoon despite me not wanting him to go meet her for lunch. That was it and i had given my husband an ultimatum, its either her or me. He eventually stopped emailing her and the contact altogether stopped. I forgot to add once i got really suspicious of this "friendship" i spoke to my husband and told him i didnt like the relationship and felt something was up. He of course told me i was reading into things too much and that they were just friends. I later found out he wouldnt tell me the complete truth if he went out with coworkers and she was there. This made matters worse! The day he met her for lunch after she left the company I told him how upset i felt over him going to meet her for lunch but he went anyway. That was it for me. I was tired of being told they were just friends. Thats when i gave him the ultimatum and told him he had to choose between her and I. If he chose me he had to stop all contact with her. I told him if nothing was going on between them like he said then ceasing all contact wouldnt be a big deal. Since then he only spoke to her once. he isnt as distant as i felt he once was and we are in a better place. I have chosen not to dwell on the past but every so often its in the back of my mind. I wonder if i was just being paranoid or if something was really up. I found this site and decided to put y story up to see what others think. Thanks for the input.
Distant78 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I stumbled upon this site recently and have been reading through these threads and love the advice given. I finally decided to register and and tell my story and see what others think. About 2 years ago I suspected my husband of cheating with a coworker. They went to lunch almost everyday. Not only that but the OW sent text messages to my husband while out of work. The OW was having problems in her relationship and since her and my husband were basically thrown together a lot for work she confided in him. A few times after he and i argued he asked her for her advice and she asked him. During a company outing i attended the OW was there and wouldnt even talk to me (we had been introduced previously), i thought that was very strange and my husband's discomfort level was at an all time high when this happened. As well as the text messages my husband met her sister and brother at her house. Their type of work required they leave the office on occasion and this one occasion they stopped by her family's house for lunch because they were in the area. This bothered me and i thought it was pretty strange. Eventually the OW was offered a position at a different company and left. They kept in touch and my husband even met her for lunch one afternoon despite me not wanting him to go meet her for lunch. That was it and i had given my husband an ultimatum, its either her or me. He eventually stopped emailing her and the contact altogether stopped. I forgot to add once i got really suspicious of this "friendship" i spoke to my husband and told him i didnt like the relationship and felt something was up. He of course told me i was reading into things too much and that they were just friends. I later found out he wouldnt tell me the complete truth if he went out with coworkers and she was there. This made matters worse! The day he met her for lunch after she left the company I told him how upset i felt over him going to meet her for lunch but he went anyway. That was it for me. I was tired of being told they were just friends. Thats when i gave him the ultimatum and told him he had to choose between her and I. If he chose me he had to stop all contact with her. I told him if nothing was going on between them like he said then ceasing all contact wouldnt be a big deal. Since then he only spoke to her once. he isnt as distant as i felt he once was and we are in a better place. I have chosen not to dwell on the past but every so often its in the back of my mind. I wonder if i was just being paranoid or if something was really up. I found this site and decided to put y story up to see what others think. Thanks for the input. The guy sounds like a jerk. I would reconsider staying with him. If you were going to lunch and staring at another dude all googley-eyed he'll be on your heels wondering what's your problem. Sounds like he's still cheating.
Steadfast Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) I was happily married for most of 17-years and I never cheated on my wife. She was the love of my life (or so I thought...) and I adored her. I adored my family, and still do. We're now divorced and three years have passed. As much as I loved my wife, I had chances. I traveled internationally and more than once an opportunity came up. I loved it...I admit. It was great knowing other women found me attractive. It seemed, at least at times, the more 'happily' married I was, the more attention I received. Once, and only once, did I come close. The woman was from Venice and devastatingly beautiful. Out of my league to be honest, but because I was "kind, honest, sincere and didn't use foul language" (her words) she found me attractive. In just a short amount of time, I came to the understanding that any woman wishing to sleep with a married man wasn't the kind of woman I wanted, whether single or married. That's when she became less beautiful to me. When I came home and saw my bride, I did so with no guilt, no remorse and no regrets. Once again to me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Sometimes I wonder if she realizes just how much I loved her. My point is this; I have no idea if your hubbie cheated or not, but partners can get distracted. However, I do know that truly loving, caring partners will resist the urge to cheat. They do so because they love you, their families, and equally, themselves. They don't want to hurt themselves, and have the knowledge, insight and courage to be faithful. I would not completely shut off my suspicions and would suggest that both of you enter counseling at the nearest non-denominational church. Again, I don't know his deal but as I like to say, he's there. That doesn't count for something, it counts for everything. He's with you. Not her. Honorable means worthy of honor. We honor the faithful spouse. Edited January 26, 2011 by Steadfast
Recommended Posts