ljpaterson Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Here is my sad sob story... I was living with my ex, Adam, at his grandpa's house for 2 months. (I am 19, he is 21) His grandpa had just passed away and he was living there by himself until his family could fix it up and sell it. After they sold it, he decided that he wanted to move in with me at my mom's house. My mom said that he could move in with me and my family, but that he had to pay rent. He said okay and he moved all of his stuff in. He moved into my moms house with me for 6 months. It seemed like we couldn't be happier. Me and him were attached at the hip. We didn't like spending ANY time away from each other, but that was the way we seemed to both like it. I thought he loved me so much. He worked at Best Buy and went to college, but ALL of the time in between that was ours. He would even call me on the half hour ride home and talk to me until he was in our driveway because he missed me THAT much. I didn't have a job and decided to go to college online so we could spend all of the time he was home together. He said that he was happy and he wouldn't want me to get a job or go to college if it wasn't online. We would play video games and cuddle together all day. (He was a video game freak lol) He said he wanted to marry me and that he had never felt like this before. (I was the only girlfriend he had ever had that loved him back) He was talking commitment even a week before the breakup. There were a few problems however, as there are in any relationship. The first problem is that he wouldn't hang out with any of his friends or talk to them when he was with me. This upset me a lot, because his friends were starting to hate me. In fact, there were points where I even begged him to start talking to his friends again or go and visit them. He would say "No. I love you and I only want to spend time with you." I offered to come with to see his friends but he said no. This was, in my opinion, a huge problem. It would affect me then too, because when I would hang out with my friends I could tell he was upset (most of my friends are guys) so I stopped hanging out with them because I love Adam and didn't want to upset him. Our other problem was this girl... Jaqueline. The only "friend" he would ever talk to. It was his friend from the internet, but she liked him as more then a friend. I was okay with him texting her, but one day I saw he had naked pictures on his phone of her, and of course I got super upset. Apparently they weren't OF her though, but I didn't know that. They were of a porn star that she really likes (She is bisexual.) This got my ex and her SUPER upset with ME! Of course I didn't want to make my ex upset, so I apologized for thinking they were her and I even offered to be FRIENDS with Jaqueline after that to settle our differences. She blew up at me and said that she doesn't respect me anymore and that we can never be friends. This was in October. During the next few months she was sending him more and more text messages with things such as "I miss you. You never talk to me." And it would get me pissed at her. I told him it was still okay he was texting her, so long as I could SEE the texts now because I didn't trust her. He said okay, but then he started deleting them before I could read them and even admitted to it. This would set me off crying and I would say "Adam.. can't you please just forget her. She is the only thing we ever fight about and she lives in WASHINGTON for Christs sakes! Halfway across the country! You've never even met her and you're upsetting me over this girl who lives in Washington!" Finally after all of the fighting over her, he called her and said that he couldn't talk to her anymore. This was on January 11th. He said that he loved me and I am more important to him then she is. He deleted her off of facebook and that was that. I was extremely happy. I thought I had won him for good and there would be no more fighting. Boy was I wrong... She was still trying to contact him, so I asked if I could have his phone while he went to work until she calmed down. He said okay. He didn't seem upset at all that I wanted his phone. I told him that it was only for awhile... and I asked him if he was upset about the whole "Jaqueline" thing. He would assure me that he was happy with our relationship still. He wasnt upset.. ect, and that was that. So, after a few days of this going on Adam comes home on Sunday, January 16th from work. I immediately knew that something was wrong, because he parked closer to our house and not in the usual spot. He came into our room and grabbed his laptop. He started changing all of the passwords that I knew, and I asked what he was doing. He replied with "Nothing, it's a surprise." I waited patiently, and then he slammed his laptop shut and announced "I just changed all of my passwords, oh yeah, and I'm breaking up with you". I cried and begged for him to stay, I said that I still loved him and I didn't know that he was even upset. We had promised that we would always talk everything out. I asked why he was breaking up with me and this is what he told me... He said that I didn't trust him and that I went way out of line by checking up on him and Jaqueline. I thought that it was so stupid because he shouldn't even NEED Jaqueline if he had me and his other friends to talk to. But I didn't say that. Then he said that he's also breaking up with me because he can't hang out with any of his friends anymore. I said "What are you talking about? I BEGGED you to start hanging out with your friends!" and then he said "Well I feel like I can't!" I asked if we could please talk it out and he kept saying "No. I'm done." and pushing me away from him. I kept crying and saying that it wasn't fair because he never even gave me a warning. He said that he had actually been planning on breaking up with me for 3 DAYS!! And he never told me once that ANYTHING was bothering him. He told me that he "Wanted his life back."... So I said that I can be different. I can change and he can have all of his passwords back and he can even move out. I just want to be in his life still. After awhile of begging, I understood that I wouldn't be able to talk him into staying... so I let him pack his stuff up and leave... it was the hardest thing in my life because i literally gave my life to him. My life revolved around this guy. This was 9 days ago. My mom told me I shouldn't text or call him and that he will come around. We were in fact, really in love with each other until he blew up on me. He would send me sweet text messages and treat me like a princess until this happened. So I waited... and he texted me again 2 days after he broke up with me. The text said "Hey, I know you probably don't want to hear from me, but I just wanted to say sorry for being such an ******* to you. Also, congratulations on the new puppy." (He saw my puppy on facebook that I had got after we broke up.) I replied "Hah. Thanks Adam, and I hope all is going well for you too." He replied "I'll admit, the nights have felt lonely..." and my final reply was "Yeah, the nights have definitely been different for me too, that's for sure." That's the last I have heard from him. And it has now been a week since he sent me a text message. I miss him like crazy and I cry about it every single day. How do I get him back? Should I be texting him? He never really made it clear on if he wanted to be friends or not. Do you think he broke up with me because he loves Jaqueline? I am so confused. One day he loves me and then I tell him to stop talking to her and he dumps me. I feel like he basically chose her over me. When do you guys thing he will text or call me again? I check my phone every day... but nothing. He said his nights felt lonely, so doesn't that mean he misses me? Was he wanting me to ask for him back? I just don't understand!
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Yours is a sad story... and you sound quite sweet. But I can't help thinking that you need parts of your world to cause you to get up and get back out into the world with other humans. Your not having a job or going to school unless it was online has had an unhealthy effect on you. Putting yourself out there where you will encounter new and different people every day will make this ex boyfriend less important. The best way to inspire him back would be to seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeem as if you are NOT hell bent on getting him back. The best way to accomplish that is to get up and get out with other people of similar age in the real world. The internet is fun all right, but nothing replaces daily, face-to-face interaction, and that goes triple for a 19yo girl. So just start making plans and goals for yourself... even if they're only to go for coffee at a nearby coffee shop 3 or 4 days a week... just by yourself... interact with people... and welcome their interaction with you. Eventually you'd want to start taking college classes out with other people and not online... JUST for the sake of interacting with others.
Author ljpaterson Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I was in college last year with other people, so I do have SOME friends. Not alot, I would say. But I DO have people that I can talk to. I can't exactly change classes until March, but when I can, you better believe that I will get back to going to college with other people. Ugh... you GUYS... I just signed in and he is on MSN right now. But I SWEAR when I signed in he changed his status to "away". I don't think he's really away from his computer though. Oh yeah and guess what else? I paid 130$ for us to go to a Linkin Park concert on January 28th and then he left me. Now I have no one to go with.... I'm a shy person as you can probably tell, so it's hard for me to interact with other people.
carhill Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Welcome to LS As a young lady, you have a lifetime of healthy relationships to look forward to, both romantic and non-romantic. This is but one, albeit a painful one at this moment. Read the thread in my signature line and start your healing process. Whether he is in your life in the future or not, you need to heal. Invite someone else to attend the concert. Few people will turn down a free concert ticket. Consider it the first positive move post-breakup and at small cost. Good luck
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I was in college last year with other people, so I do have SOME friends. Not alot, I would say. But I DO have people that I can talk to. I can't exactly change classes until March, but when I can, you better believe that I will get back to going to college with other people. Ugh... you GUYS... I just signed in and he is on MSN right now. But I SWEAR when I signed in he changed his status to "away". I don't think he's really away from his computer though. Oh yeah and guess what else? I paid 130$ for us to go to a Linkin Park concert on January 28th and then he left me. Now I have no one to go with.... I'm a shy person as you can probably tell, so it's hard for me to interact with other people. Hopes there is some lucky person in Minneapolis who gets to go to that concert with you.
Author ljpaterson Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Hopes there is some lucky person in Minneapolis who gets to go to that concert with you.Wait.. how do you know I'm from Minnesota? =/ Did i put it in my profile?
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