Circular Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Been sometime since I last posted. I needed to take a break from everything in A-land so I could move forward. For those of you who don't know me I'm a MM who had an A with a MW and it's been nearly 10 months since the A ended. Since the end there's been some LC, mostly her reaching out to me to say hi and ask how I'm doing, I've kept it at zero or limited response except we did meet once a few months back but it was very superficial talk more how you'd talk to an old friend you haven't seen in awhile. Through this whole post A experience what I've realized the most is that it takes a long long time for the emotional bond to break down, or at least become manageable. She's still in my thoughts everyday, I still have days where even I'm shocked how I feel but they are farther and fewer between thankfully. On the positive side those feelings are a lot easier to deal with. I can focus on my life more, I feel more like myself again. For a long time I thought that maybe she and I could be friends, but I've grown to realize that that's something that a low possibility and not possible probably for another 12 months or so. I suppose the day I wake up and don't care if she's having another A (I know that sounds strange, but it's kind of my litmus test) is the day that possibility might exist. Moving forward has been rough, but it's been a good process. I've learned a lot about myself, my marriage and what happiness is, where it comes from, what it's about. It has been good in many ways, it's also helped me deal with some long standing personal issues and enabled me to tackle them for once and for all. Be Well C
half_ofa_heart Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'm glad you are doing well and are moving forward. But I have one question... You speak of your feelings about the A and the AP but you mention nothing of your marriage; did you realize after the A that you actually do love your wife and are activley trying to make it work? Or are you still trying to figure that part out as well?
NoIDidn't Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Through this whole post A experience what I've realized the most is that it takes a long long time for the emotional bond to break down, or at least become manageable. She's still in my thoughts everyday, I still have days where even I'm shocked how I feel but they are farther and fewer between thankfully. On the positive side those feelings are a lot easier to deal with. I can focus on my life more, I feel more like myself again. Interesting you say this. Those of us that support the idea of "affair fog" which is likely better called "emotional fog" say it over and over again. But I guess those that don't like to see the "fog" associated with an affair get offended where no offense is meant. Its certainly not intended to be an excuse for the decisions made during the affair. It does take time to break an emotional bond. And you might find that you can never return to a friendship with your former MW. Glad you are feeling more like yourself again.
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