Author Fieldsofgold Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Steelknife, I've been re-reading your post. These mm do sound very much alike. He kept trying to tell me that he meant to tell me, too. Right!!! When??? I did not date this guy nearly as long as you did. Even so, I, too, had to come to terms with the facts of all the lies. Very hard to do. But I got a lot of support here. A lot of people with a lot of knowledge and insight. As time passes, I think you will find your anger, and it will help you move on. I wish I had some great words of wisdom. Just know you are not alone in any of this. And keep posting.
East7 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 IMO, at some moment, long time after the A is over they come and test the waters because : - the BS trauma (if Dday) is gone, they are forgiven and the dust has settled - they are their old-self again - the marriage is back to what it was before the A (boredom) - they miss the thrill - they "pine" for attention, AP to tell them "I'm still in love with you..." Most of the time they don't really have the intention to resume the A, let alone moving out of their M. It is just a "ego-burst" shot to take once in a while..Isn't it sweet to know that someone out there is still loving you?
Quiet Storm Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 They are always casting lines, to see who will be willing to take the bait. In his mind, he had nothing to lose, so why not? If you were a woman who melted at "I miss you", he woud've gotten lucky. It's good that you recognize him for who he truly is.
jj33 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Oh Fields I am sorry he contacted you and stirred it up again. Big hugs
wheelwright Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Oh I don't know. I'm not sure I believe all this cynical stuff about why they get back in touch. Personally, I had to steel myself for at least 15 months before not getting in touch was a reflex. If you've been hurt, sure don't respond. Thinking about why they got in touch will drive you mad. But in most cases it is neither malevolent nor unfeeling. While of course it may well be ill thought out. Sometimes we act on feelings. Sometimes we consider what conflicting feelings may bring about if we don't act carefully. I refuse to believe that xMOM sent a meaningful text to me months after NC and because he still wanted me on a hook. Although it could be read that way, and I did see it in that light for a while. I loved him. He is probably a reasonably good man. He certainly touched my soul. Isn't it natural to want to contact people you love/once loved? Isn't this a forgivable mistake? One we should predict rather than fret over?
East7 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I loved him. He is probably a reasonably good man. He certainly touched my soul. Isn't it natural to want to contact people you love/once loved? Isn't this a forgivable mistake? One we should predict rather than fret over? Well I'm on the other side of the river and I'm fine if the bridge has burned. I'm sure xMW did love me too, that I have touched her soul.... but if she contacts me again it will piss me off. I mean what's the point ? 1. I'm not interested to know about her life ! And I don't want to let her know how is my life. 2. EVEN the most improbable case, if she comes back crying that she is now single and wants to give us a chance, I can NEVER trust her again !
wheelwright Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Well I'm on the other side of the river and I'm fine if the bridge has burned. I'm sure xMW did love me too, that I have touched her soul.... but if she contacts me again it will piss me off. I mean what's the point ? 1. I'm not interested to know about her life ! And I don't want to let her know how is my life. 2. EVEN the most improbable case, if she comes back crying that she is now single and wants to give us a chance, I can NEVER trust her again ! I also have no trust for xMOM, though I still feel love. I feel the same way as you, if he were single there would be no go. But I like to know the end. The end when you look at someone and no longer love them. Because I love people until it's totally broken, even if the way I show my love changes. And if I don't see him, how do I know the changes fully? But anyway, I am over it. Just curious now. I am curious about everything, so there's no special dispensation there.
Ladyblue Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Well I'm on the other side of the river and I'm fine if the bridge has burned. I'm sure xMW did love me too, that I have touched her soul.... but if she contacts me again it will piss me off. I mean what's the point ? 1. I'm not interested to know about her life ! And I don't want to let her know how is my life. 2. EVEN the most improbable case, if she comes back crying that she is now single and wants to give us a chance, I can NEVER trust her again ! I love the way you say this!
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