Author ALonerAgain Posted February 3, 2011 Author Posted February 3, 2011 Up until a week and a half ago, I was dating a woman that I would do anything for. In return, she, well, dumped me about a week and a half ago. Nice to know you get what you give in life eh ? Anyways, you seem like a good hearted person. I respect and admire, that, even more when you still maintain your good heart despite going thru things like this, but for lack of a better terms, your too f***ing soft for your own good ! Not a good trait to carry nowdays when dating. Scuse me while I offer some advice that will help thicken your skin: TG4MJ, I'm not sure if you are directing your comments to me or screwball, but thanks for your cruel-to-be kind approach anyhow. I'm not quite sure how I should respond until you can answer the following: You seem to be a good person, and you don't deserve to be hurt like this, in fact I'd even be brazen enough to say that being a nice guy/girl makes you ABOVE being hurt in any way, shape or form. Consequently, there's nothing wrong with taking that pain, and dishing it out to people who *DO* deserve to be hurt in *EVERY* way, shape, and form. Needless to say in this day and age potential targets are everywhere. Thugs, punks, belligerent drunks, aggressive panhandlers, arrogant Martial arts punks/boxers, convicted sex offenders, abusive boyfriends/husbands, thieves, guys who have no respect for women, and just plain ol bullies. Every time I was dumped or rejected from 03-08 up till now I've responded by simply saying "ok then" to the dumper/rejector, calmly walking away from her, gone out, and rampaged on people I just described (relax, they were all the instigators and were all blatant about their intent to confront me or harm me so it's not like I did it for no reason). Just always make sure that your mark is never in a position to call the police, getting arrested sucks, specially when you're not really cut out for lock up. Could you clarify what you mean by 'rampaged on'? I'd be interested to know how you see youself in a relationship / as a date.
TG4MJ Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 Aloneragain No problem, basically, if a guy does anything to aggravate me while I'm heartbroken, he gets one verbal warning, you know, just so if people ask I can say I tried to de escalate the situation. He pushes it, I respond with violence. Plain and simple. Between 35 to 45 people, give or take have learned this the hard way. Sorry for not having an exact number but when I snap I kind of black out, it's hard to explain. It would be nice to say that after the verbal warning they got the point and backed off, but unfortunately with me if it wasn't for bad I'd never be lucky. The types of guys I just described don't listen to reason very well, but that's fine, they wanna play the "No Mercy, No Compassion" game, I will gladly oblige them. Like I said, it's a simple matter of how some people deserve to hurt, some don't. If you hurt and don't deserve it, there's nothing wrong with dishing out to someone that does, and they deserve it even more if they go and pick a fight with you when you haven't even done anything to them. It's on you really, I mean we all got our own ways of liberating ourselves of heartache. "I'd be interested to know how you see youself in a relationship / as a date." I'm actually a very compassionate and loving boyfriend. As bad my actions sound, I have nothing but infinite patience and respect for women. Ask all my exes from 03-08 on up about me, they'll be clueless about what I've done. They'd probably describe me as a softy or sweety, because the me who is with someone and the me who is rejected are two completely different people, if that makes sense.
health Posted February 4, 2011 Posted February 4, 2011 health, well it took guts to get yourself out there, I'll give you that. Damn those principles, eh? Why can't we be like the millions of others out there who just don't get emotional over it! Surely it's gotta be easier for them?? I'll tell you something though: counselling rules. Lol. Seriously, even though I'm struggling, emotionally, day after day, I think ultimately I'm where I need to be right now: alone and figuring it all out - by myself. If there's one thing I've read so far that's stuck it's: instant gratification. We don't learn, cos we want it now. And then regret it later. At least that's the way it's played out for me. Ya. Instant gratification and quick fixes is what kills people. They don't want to do the real progressive work. Yet when people do take those quick fixes, in the end they get the messy consequences. I'm where you're at - alone for a purpose and figuring things out. Thanks for your words!
Author ALonerAgain Posted February 5, 2011 Author Posted February 5, 2011 (edited) Aloneragain No problem, basically, if a guy does anything to aggravate me while I'm heartbroken, he gets one verbal warning, you know, just so if people ask I can say I tried to de escalate the situation. He pushes it, I respond with violence. Plain and simple. Between 35 to 45 people, give or take have learned this the hard way. Sorry for not having an exact number but when I snap I kind of black out, it's hard to explain. It would be nice to say that after the verbal warning they got the point and backed off, but unfortunately with me if it wasn't for bad I'd never be lucky. The types of guys I just described don't listen to reason very well, but that's fine, they wanna play the "No Mercy, No Compassion" game, I will gladly oblige them. Like I said, it's a simple matter of how some people deserve to hurt, some don't. If you hurt and don't deserve it, there's nothing wrong with dishing out to someone that does, and they deserve it even more if they go and pick a fight with you when you haven't even done anything to them. It's on you really, I mean we all got our own ways of liberating ourselves of heartache. So, these 'guys': are they friends? Acquaintances? Or just random 'losers' who get in your way? Anger is a big issue for me too. I've been hurt, bullied and have found it difficult to maintain genuine, close friendships. I still hold a lot of the rejection from my childhood experiences inside me. It tends to come out the most when I'm in a relationship - when I feel, hurt, betrayed, disrespected and humilated, often unknowingly by my partners. That 'blackout' you described? That's how I feel when I 'explode' (by that, I mean I yell, or sulk, or ignore my partners or those close to me. I even locked my ex in my flat once, because I just literally could not face talking to him). So while I understand your need to take out your rejection on the dregs of society - and yes, you could argue that at least you're not harming your exes - I'm convinced there is a better solution. I, for one, am determined to rid myself of my unresolved anger. I'm not saying don't get angry, because that's everyone's right. But IMHO, it's caused me too much pain - and is still costing me my relationships. I'm actually a very compassionate and loving boyfriend. As bad my actions sound, I have nothing but infinite patience and respect for women. Ask all my exes from 03-08 on up about me, they'll be clueless about what I've done. They'd probably describe me as a softy or sweety, because the me who is with someone and the me who is rejected are two completely different people, if that makes sense. Inner unresolved anger. It's all accumulative. So would you say you are Jekyll-and-Hyde character? Your girlfriends see the best of you, but if only they knew...? Edited February 5, 2011 by ALonerAgain
TG4MJ Posted February 6, 2011 Posted February 6, 2011 So, these 'guys': are they friends? Acquaintances? Or just random 'losers' who get in your way? They're all pretty much losers, but technically, no, they didn't "get in my way" per se. For lack of a better terms, they were asking for it. Like, literally. I just want to be left alone when I'm pining over a girl, but like I said, if it wasn't for bad I wouldn't have any luck. There *always* has to be some hot shot who sees you're sad because of a girl and has to be, well, a guy about it. They mistake my sadness for weakness, and like your typical hot shot, macho, a-hole, they start flexing on me, and talking sh*t, and basically look for a fight, and it's like, DUDE! You want to fight me and challenge me because I just got my heart broken into two million pieces and my sadness bothers you ? is this SERIOUSLY happening ? I don't know, it's like as if every time I'm heartbroken a sign mysteriously appears on my back that says "pick a fight with me". And to add insult to injury, my baby face and small frame tends to compell them to underestimate me, so not only do they pick a fight with me, but they go half speed thinking I'm an easy mark, so not only are they picking a fight with me for no reason, but they're underestimating me, which is something you NEVER do. (No need to go into further detail, but I do have some pretty devasting fighting skills as well as some weapons training to boot) Simply put, when I'm heartbroken I just want to be left alone so I can work it out of my system, and if guys could just stop being hot shots and just understand that, I'd prolly be fine, or better yet, girls could stop constantly rejecting me and at least give me a chance, maybe even try and take the time to understand what they're working with, things would be a little different. So far neither side seems to get it. All I can do is just hope that some day, I'll meet a girl who is both patient and intelligent enough to understand that she's dealing with a guy who has known alot of hurt and unhappiness, yet strives to be loving and compassionate and just wants to know happiness and make her happy in return. Pretty tall order nowadays, but I try not to give up hope ya know ?
Author ALonerAgain Posted February 7, 2011 Author Posted February 7, 2011 They're all pretty much losers, but technically, no, they didn't "get in my way" per se. For lack of a better terms, they were asking for it. Like, literally. I just want to be left alone when I'm pining over a girl, but like I said, if it wasn't for bad I wouldn't have any luck. There *always* has to be some hot shot who sees you're sad because of a girl and has to be, well, a guy about it. They mistake my sadness for weakness, and like your typical hot shot, macho, a-hole, they start flexing on me, and talking sh*t, and basically look for a fight, and it's like, DUDE! You want to fight me and challenge me because I just got my heart broken into two million pieces and my sadness bothers you ? is this SERIOUSLY happening ? I don't know, it's like as if every time I'm heartbroken a sign mysteriously appears on my back that says "pick a fight with me". And to add insult to injury, my baby face and small frame tends to compell them to underestimate me, so not only do they pick a fight with me, but they go half speed thinking I'm an easy mark, so not only are they picking a fight with me for no reason, but they're underestimating me, which is something you NEVER do. (No need to go into further detail, but I do have some pretty devasting fighting skills as well as some weapons training to boot) Ah , right. so kinda like "don't be such a p****; man up and get over it!" type comments? You sound like my my 1st ex who was bullied at school but learnt martial arts to defend and stand up for himself. I remember him telling me how he delivered some kind of pressure point blow to some kid who was harrassing him. In this respect, I guess guys tend to have it harder than girls. That's why some have to learn to suppress it, pretend the break-up is "no big deal" and just get on with things. Simply put, when I'm heartbroken I just want to be left alone so I can work it out of my system, and if guys could just stop being hot shots and just understand that, I'd prolly be fine, or better yet, girls could stop constantly rejecting me and at least give me a chance, maybe even try and take the time to understand what they're working with, things would be a little different. So far neither side seems to get it. All I can do is just hope that some day, I'll meet a girl who is both patient and intelligent enough to understand that she's dealing with a guy who has known alot of hurt and unhappiness, yet strives to be loving and compassionate and just wants to know happiness and make her happy in return. Pretty tall order nowadays, but I try not to give up hope ya know ? Out of interest, what type of women do you go for? Are they all the "same"? If you are ending up in the same position (i.e. the dumpee) time and time again, surely it's time to look at the common denominator: you?
TG4MJ Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Just regular girls I guess, not sure what you mean by "kind" of girls. I'm an average guy with average looks, i try and stick to average girls. But it's always the same ol song and dance, they either reject me or dump me over trivial s**t, or over things that you would think don't matter, my small stature seems to be an issue with alot of women though I really don't know why, some think it's "weird" that I'm really into old school movies and music, which I also don't get. Some will be dumped by a complete jerk off then leave them, then date me, and for reasons I genuinely don't understand, go back to the jerk off, which kind of messes with my head. I don't know, it's like little things that shouldn't even matter to begin with. I really don't know how to answer your question because I don't know what you mean so if you elaborate then maybe I can answer better than that.
Author ALonerAgain Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 (edited) Just regular girls I guess, not sure what you mean by "kind" of girls. I'm an average guy with average looks, i try and stick to average girls. But it's always the same ol song and dance, they either reject me or dump me over trivial s**t, or over things that you would think don't matter, my small stature seems to be an issue with alot of women though I really don't know why, some think it's "weird" that I'm really into old school movies and music, which I also don't get. Some will be dumped by a complete jerk off then leave them, then date me, and for reasons I genuinely don't understand, go back to the jerk off, which kind of messes with my head. I don't know, it's like little things that shouldn't even matter to begin with. I really don't know how to answer your question because I don't know what you mean so if you elaborate then maybe I can answer better than that. I mean, have you noticed a pattern in these 'average' girls? Do they have a particular trait in common, e.g. are they all smart, all confident, have similar interests, mannerisms, etc. I'm not talking about the physical side, but the character of your dates/ex-girlfriends. Maybe it's harder to know if you've only been out with them a few times and haven't gotten to know their character that well. Maybe have a look at the relationships you have been in and see if any of your dates have characteristics in common with your longer-term exes. If so, that can give you a clue about the 'kind' or 'types' of girls you go for. For instance, I've noticed a pattern in the types of men I end up with: insecure. Even though they all looked totally different on the outside, they all ended up having similar characters, but displayed in a variety of ways. That's because I use their insecurities to hide my own; kind of like a reflection of myself so I would avoid rejection and tend to play it 'safe'. Unfortunately, this way of thinking hasn't turned out too well for me as my relationships have all failed anyway. So now it's time for me to 'break' this pattern and actually go for guys that are emotionally healthy enough to want a proper, grown-up relationship. But it has to start with me first. Do you see where I'm going with this?? PS. Old movies and music rocks! I don't think that's weird at all. Edited February 8, 2011 by ALonerAgain
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