TerryV Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My wife and I seperated a yea ago at Christmas. My wife ended things and it cut me up big time, I broke down had to have counselling and all sorts. People kept telling me that it would get better in time which isnt what I wanted to hear I just wanted her back. Anyway 2010 passed and it was a rough year especially Christmas just gone as a year to the day. My family and friends however have been awesome totally and utterly and they have stuck by me. But I am a strange stage. I have a life again, I am single but I have got new hobbies I keep busy and I started to feel happy after Christmas I started smiling and laughing. Its weird because I almost feel guilty for laughing I cant explain it. It feels weird to feel happy after so long feeling so bad. Also I get these stages where I will be on top of the world all of a sudden bang I remember whats happened and for a day I am down then I am back up again, is this normal? Just out of the blew I wake up and feel sad? Also I wonder sometimes how am I going to meet someone, when will I know if I am ready? How do you know when ur ready? I am no good at chatting to women in bars I am just not good at that so I joined a couple of online dating sites. I did it kind of just to see how I would feel but no luck. I feel fairly selfish at the mo I do my own thing when and how I want and its nice but how do u stop from becoming so selfish that u can never be with anyone again? I also worry what if I never meet another person? I was so happy in my marriage is it that possible to find true love twice, I have all these what ifs in my head. I also live with my parents too and I sit and think I cant afford my own place so what woman is going to be interested in a 27 year old guy who lives with mum and dad. I have got all these things bouncing around my head all the time and its driving me nuts lol, Is this normal? Help lol:laugh:
imagine Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I got married at 39 after dating two years. One woman that I dated previously complained that she felt second fiddle to my hobbies. I'm still the same geek. Anything is possible.
2.50 a gallon Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 My first question is why are you still living at home? Financial or is it where you feel safe? From what I read, you XW was your first true love. In todays world first loves never seem to last. Almost everybody losses their first love. The growth comes about when you learn to move on. You say you have a problem talking to women at bars. Me I learned to dance. And then my first line was along the lines of "Care to dance?" Most would say yes. Most times it is just for one dance, but every once in awhile, the lady was having such a good time, and you could feel it, she wouldn't want to leave the dance floor. Then after a couple of dances, you ask her if you can buy her a drink. Then if you get the chance to sit and talk with her, tell how you think she is a good dancer, and ask where she learned to dance. That is the key get her to start talking about herself. That is the key to talking to all women. Ask them questions about their life, and let them talk, and let them ask you questions about yourself. Don't come on bragging and telling them your life story. Just learn about her. Does she like sports? What teams? What is her favorite music, foods, do you follow? It doesn't have to be an interview just talk and find things that you might have in common.
debtman Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Don't feel bad, my wife told me we were "incompatible" back in early Oct., shortly after she started going out with OM, and now, I'm 40 and living with my parents. Mostly just waiting for the D to be final so she can qualify for a house and move out, then I move back into my house. Anyway, pursue your hobbies, love your life. I often heard my stbx tell me that she felt like she took a back seat to my hobbies, which was BS because I cut way back after we got married and almost completely quit when we had kids. She was just too insecure to let me have any outside interests since she didn't have any of her own. It certainly wasn't like she wasn't aware of all of my interests before we got married. Anyway, work on yourself, get confident in who you are. There are LOTS of women out there, don't be in such a rush to find one. When the time is right, it will happen. I started going out to local Meetup groups to give dancing a shot. I've done swing, tango and salsa and had a great time, met some great people and I'm getting back into all my old hobbies again and having FUN!!! That's what life is about. Grab onto that, enjoy it and, soon enough, someone will come along to share that with you... Be patient...
2.50 a gallon Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 yes hobbies are great, and they are especially good when one is in the throes of a break up. Every second spent working on your hobby is a second that you don't think of your loss. Then the seconds turn in to minutes and hours. It is apart of moving on debtman, I am with you. Prior to marriage I had 3 hobbies, I gave up on my biggest, chasing women, long before we tied the knot. I also had several tanks of tropical fish. She had no problem with them, as she got off on watching the fish breed. Still I realized the time involved, feeding, cleaning tanks, and sold off all but two of my tanks. One for her gold fish, and the second a community tank, sort of a live pece of art. The third I dropped way back on. I was a factory worker, running rancy machines, and I had long ago found that just 15 minutes after work on my hobby sort of flushed out all of the frustration and hurry of the work day, and calmed me down. She was jealous of those 15 minutes. That was just one of her compaints, But that is not what broke us up, Me catching her kissing the OM cast me into the bottomless pit. No love, no happiness, no light, the void of nothing ness. Terryv - Then one day there was this pretty face looking down at me and asking me if I wanted to come out and play. That is when you will know. If you have a problem talking to women, practice, by talking to the check out clerks or the waitress. Just be friendly. And as for the check out clerks, At about age 48, you are still a young pup, I walked into a convience store to find a goddess working the register. That was 17 years ago, she has been mine for the past 15 years. Hobbies can be great in attracting women. As I mentioned previous I raised tropical fish, and the ladies loved them. I also had a friend who was a model railroader, and was forever building little cars, buildings, he had this little layout and the ladies loved it. They loved how he had built up the scenes, and loved him letting them play trains. They all thought he was great marriage and father material. Snakes are out, another friend had a snake, the ladies were fascinated with it, but almost always turned down offers to spend the night as they were afraid the snaked might escape After my breakup I added another hobby, gourmet cooking. Beats hell out of hamburger helper, and later you can finish off another bottle of wine, talk, and let nature take over. Yes when a lady does come back into you life, back off on the hobbies, don't give them up, but also don't let them get between you and your next lady
Author TerryV Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Thanks for the replies, they have certainly made things makes sense. I guess I have just spent so long in my own little bubble and in my own wolrd and having fun that every now and again I pop out of that world and its odd. A big part of me is having great fun its just I seem to have this ideal life in my head on the things i should be doing and where I should be at but I guess the reality is life isnt like that.
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