dharris27 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) I wrote this story in a very long winded way a while ago and didn't get any feedback, which is totally understandable. So, let me summarize... Four years ago I met my then boyfriend Frank. Frank and I fell in love really hard and dated off and on for two years. As it turned out, he had a lot of social neurosis problems that really challenged the health of our relationship I believed. He was a hermit because social situations made him too nervous and he'd often have pretty high ups and lows as far as friendliness went due his constant uncomfortable state. Besides that he was hilarious, a great lover, super smart, successful, and driven. He's also really quirky by nature and so people just really adore him for these qualities. He's a very complicated man and hard to explain in just a paragraph but essentially I'd never met anyone liked him and the fact he was very in love with me was more flattering than you can believe. I did break up with him on a few occassions because his neurosis would sometimes make him hostile and mean, not just to me, but on the regular. I also felt deep down he was just very insecure and kind of mean—didn't think many people were good enough. Having such little patience I didn't see him as a dad and his mood swings made it really hard to ever feel grounded. So, after about two years I ended it for good and it was the first time he agreed to let me go. Before it was love letters and mixed cd's at my door. I dunno, a very intense relationship. After our breakup he jumped right into another relationship that ended after a year when the girl wanted to get married and he wasn't ready. (She was older). He and I didn't speak during that time because she wouldn't have it and of course he was "too awkward" to be kind enough to acknowledge me in public but would write a few times to tell me he missed me. It was incredibaly painful. I felt I'd done what any smart girl would do and break up with someone who's instability drove me to feel unstable. At the same time it was hard to be sure because he always thought we would be great together and should move in together if I would just give it a chance. My friends agreed I did the right thing, so did my logical brain, but my heart remained attached. As I coped I met a girl named Ally and some other girls. She was going through a breakup and we helped each other through ours. After a year of a very tight friendship she began to be distant. Turned out she had met Farbod and fell in love with him almost instantly. She started sleeping with him without telling anyone but eventually our friends found out and everyone knew but me. One day through G-chat she tells me she likes him and she feels terrible. She knew how much I'd gone through with him and how I was not completely healed of him but she did this all anyway. She never told me they'd slept together, she lied about that. I found out through friends. It was unbelievable. She told me she would have to date him and see how it would go and she was sorry but I should call ahead to parties to be sure they weren't there together if I wanted to go...WTF?? I'd helped this girl through a ton of **** and this is what I got? And him? He was the ******* and now he got to do this too?? I was going through a lot at the time and this was too much so I ended our friendship. Our friends understood why I would need to and had asked her to consider what she was doing—especially because most of them thought him an *******. Anyway, they dated for a couple of weeks but it turned out he'd never planned on anyone finding out about their dating. When knews leaked he broke up with her immediately. She went crawling back to him anyway and they continued to hook up and break up off and on for a few months. Essentially he was not going to date her publically. So, I thought this was all over. Turns out to this day—now a year later they still date in private. He will not acknowledge her in public and her self esteem is smashed. Her friends are worried about her etc. in the mean time I met someone and dated him for a while and he was amazing. I moved so we broke up, but I did legitamatly never think of Frank and Ally until just recently when I was single again. I'd also thought that was over but it's not. Now I see he's starting to engage with her on facebook and wonder if he'll make it public now that I'm gone. As it turns out he called one of his best friends, who is now a great friend of mine, (months after he knew ally and I stopped being friends because of their affair) and was furious thinking this friend and I had slept together. The friend was thrown off guard (but knows how weird frank can be) and told him no, we had not slept together. Apparently Frank felt it urgent he knew and threatened to stop talking with Lee if it were true. So, how can he do this? How can he delcare me off limits to his friends and date mine privately? Possibly publically now? I just don't get it. what really concerns me is that it still rips my heart out if I let it. To think that all really happened and is still happening—how can people be so selfish? Am I pathetic for feeling bad about it still? I mean, I'm not a mess like I was a year and a half ago...just annoyed. Advice? Edited January 25, 2011 by dharris27
Fern Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Frank sounds like a very damaged individual and I think you should forget about him. I feel sorry for this Ally girl - she too is obviously damaged and even if he starts seeing her publicly - they'll never last as he can't have any respect for her after hoe she's let him treat her. Move on - these are not people you need in your life.
Author dharris27 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Sometimes you just need someone to tell you what you probably already know, or remind you. I really appreciate the read through, I know it's super long!
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