GoingInsane Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 If anyone has read my previous posts, they'll know that me and my ex split up in Sept, remained friends until New Years Eve when I found out that she had an affair while we were together (which I suspected but was always denied) and had started seeing (or never stopped) the ****. I went NC on that day. I was obsessed with going over the details in my mind, trying to work out what happened, how, when etc. Was going over and over incidents when we were together and when we were "friends". Was driving myself crazy with thoughts of what they were doing, until I finally told myself enough was enough and I needed to stop. I've been doing really well for 7-10 days, going to the gym, the thoughts were becoming less frequent, I was controlling the obsessing. But yesterday and today its started again. I don't even want her back, we weren't happy in the last few months, I'm furious about the lies etc. But I've started going over things again in my mind, trying to make sense of it all. I've started thinking about her all the time again. I thought I was moving on, now I feel I'm back at square one. I work with them both and although I haven't bumped into either to talk to, I have caught a glimpse from a distance or seen their cars. Colleagues innocently mention both of them to me. I get new information which sends me into a spin again. The colleagues don't even know we were together and don't know they are together, so I can't ask them to stop mentioning them. I wonder whether coming on LS is setting me back. Reading other peoples stories, many of which remind me so much of mine, does that make me start obsessing again?
BlindRage Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 "I wonder whether coming on LS is setting me back. Reading other peoples stories, many of which remind me so much of mine, does that make me start obsessing again?" I think this is the case at times for me too. Sometimes I come and ready and gain strength, others I read and just cry at how much I miss her. I don't know what to do I'm sorry I can't give you advice. I guess try to feel better knowing that you aren't the only who feels the way you do.
ByMyselfForNow Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I have felt like this too for the last days. Me and my ex still work together and it's inevitable to cross our ways from time to time. We have been split up for 2 months now but it seems that the gossip in the office about the two of us never stops. Today we've bumped into each other at the secretary office. I smiled at her and left. It pains me greatly that she's been so childish and she bad-mouthed me all over the office basically blaming me for the failed relationship. She's now happily living her life with the new guy for whom she left me and I feel like crap.
Fern Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 We all have ups and downs. When I get a bad run I like to read over the stuff I wrote when I was REALLY suffering - journal entries from the first few weeks. It shows me that actually I'm nowhere NEAR back at square one - I'm feeling much better and in another week I'll be better again and the week after that... It's a process. It takes time. But every day takes you closer to being better. Do your best to stop obsessing - but don't beat yourself up. I like to do this thing where I take deep breaths and expel them like a huge sigh and tell myself 'It doesn't matter' or 'I don't care anymore'. It helps me. Maybe it will help you a bit?
Author GoingInsane Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Thanks. It is good (well, maybe good isn't the right word) to know that others are going through/have been through the same thing. For the first time since I went NC I really want to speak to her tonight. I'm feeling low and unloved, even my best friend isn't responding to my texts/calls tonight. I feel dreadful.
ByMyselfForNow Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Friends are great to help you get over this, but they have their own lives, their own worries to think about. You have to get over it by yourself and you just need time. In the meantime try making a schedule to learn something new everyday. No matter how insignificant it is. It will lighten up your mood. For example I just learned the Japanese way of folding a t-shirt (google it). I was so happy I learned this new technique that I've reordered all the t-shirts in my closet (lately, I have a lot of free time on my hand ) )
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