Roadlesstaken Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Was seeing a man for three months. He never took me out, but he would cook for me a lot. We would spend the night at each other's houses. He told me that he loved me. Well he went on a trip last week and he told me last night that he had a job interview in a new city. He said he didn't know if he got the job. I asked him about us and he said that he didn't know if he wanted to leave town just yet because of me. However, two weeks ago he I mistakenly told him that I was coming into a lot of money. He is heavily in debt and he asked me to buy him a $14000 motorcycle. I declined and told him that I don't buy boyfriends expensive gifts. This morning I got dressed and before I walked out of his house, I told him that I was done and that our relationship was over. I think that he was using me to fill a gap until he left. He let me leave his house without saying a word. He didn't say bye or I love you. Nothing. So was he just that not into me?
Lucky555 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 three months is not really that long. He probably didn't know you long either. He never invested much really. There are plenty of things you can do without spending money! I had a boyfriend once that didn't have money and neither did I (well not a lot to be going out with) and he took me out to the beach, hiking, meeting up with his friends, a drink with his friends, play pool a couple nights a week (50 cents per game), and see a museum. LOTS of things to do without spending money. However, at one point this boyfriend thought I had money but he didn't every say buy me this or that. I was the one who had to leave back home (several miles away) and I think I trusted my instincts on this one. This guy was very attentive to me and we even went to the gym together. All of this was great but I felt like he was not going anywhere in his life and I was at the time. So as you see some guys will invest themselves when they see something they want to keep. This guy was not right for me but it was nice while we were together.
tigressA Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) Granted, asking you to buy him a motorcycle is a lame move, but you don't say if he reacted badly to your saying no. How did he react? You break up with him on an assumption that he's using you to fill a gap in his life, and then you assume he's not that into you because he doesn't say anything after you dump him. Not everyone is going to grovel and say "Oh please come back, I love you" after having been dumped. I think you've watched a few too many chick flicks. Seems like you used the breakup as a way to test his feelings for you, which is a very unattractive and immature move. Edited January 25, 2011 by tigressA
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 He asked why I was getting defensive about not buying him the motorcycle. There is more. For his birthday, I made him dinner and bought him a nice gift. For my birthday that is coming up, I asked what he was doing that weekend and he said that he didn't know. Didn't ask me why. Just said that he didn't know and I know for a fact that he would not be working those days. For Christmas, I bought him a nice gift. I got nothing in return. I asked him out for dinner, he made excuses. I told him that I would like to go hiking or to do something other than just going to each other's houses. He always said that he was busy. However, he was not too busy for slumber parties with me. It seemed like he always wanted everything done on his terms and only in the privacy of his or my home.
lululucy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You didn't go out. He didn't reciprocate gifts. He asked for an expensive present and then called you defensive for refusing. This was at most a one-sided relationship -- you filled his need for companionship while still leaving him free to do whatever he wanted. He liked you enough to sleep with you but not to be with you. Forget this shmuck and find someone who is proud to take you out in public!
tigressA Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 He asked why I was getting defensive about not buying him the motorcycle. There is more. For his birthday, I made him dinner and bought him a nice gift. For my birthday that is coming up, I asked what he was doing that weekend and he said that he didn't know. Didn't ask me why. Just said that he didn't know and I know for a fact that he would not be working those days. For Christmas, I bought him a nice gift. I got nothing in return. I asked him out for dinner, he made excuses. I told him that I would like to go hiking or to do something other than just going to each other's houses. He always said that he was busy. However, he was not too busy for slumber parties with me. It seemed like he always wanted everything done on his terms and only in the privacy of his or my home. Note: Please include all the relevant stuff in your original posts from now on. It's most helpful. Welcome to LS. It's pretty clear now that you weren't that important to him. You did the right thing in dumping him. Look at the reason you said you dumped him--he was using you to fill a gap in his life. Yet you're here asking if he just wasn't that into you. Why do you need to know that now? You were the one who dumped him. I still think that you have some growing up to do. You want some loser to "prove" his feelings for you in a breakup test. Despite the fact you ended things for good reason, you want this guy to be pining after you. That's immature and controlling. Look into working on that issue.
heartshaped Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'm not trying necessarily trying to defend his actions, but only make you see perhaps a different side of things. You said he was heavily in debt right? So where would he get this money to take you out or buy you gifts? If you had only been seeing each other for three months too, I think he probably didn't know if you were exchanging gifts at Christmas since it was so early on in the relationship. Personally, I wouldn't have gotten him anything either as it was so early on and if I did, it would have just been a token 'I was thinking of you' gift. Granted, asking you to buy him a motorcycle was a bit out of line, but I think you were really quick to jump to conclusions about him. I think you would have done better just discussing with him why the two of you never go out or even being straight forward and asking him if it was because of a lack of money on his part. Men won't always tell you these things because of pride. As for the break up, as already said, even if you love someone most people aren't going to beg them not to go after they have already broken up with them. Most people have too much pride and dignity for that.
Star Gazer Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 TA, I think your first post was pretty harsh and out of line given what she wrote. The OP's opening post really says everything. 3 months. Never took her out on a real date. Asked her after just 3 months to buy him a $14,000 motorcycle. WHO DOES THAT?! I don't see how his request is even defensible. I would have dumped him on these grounds alone. The request itself demonstrates a "using her" mentality.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Oh he has money. He took himself on two trips to visit family members. He flew and even rented a car.
tigressA Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 TA, I think your first post was pretty harsh and out of line given what she wrote. The OP's opening post really says everything. 3 months. Never took her out on a real date. Asked her after just 3 months to buy him a $14,000 motorcycle. WHO DOES THAT?! I don't see how his request is even defensible. I would have dumped him on these grounds alone. The request itself demonstrates a "using her" mentality. Okay, but I didn't feel like all the information was there. She didn't say how he had reacted when she said no. With the mention of his debt, I assumed that's why he never took her out, and she didn't say she wasn't okay with not being taken out. Perhaps I didn't read between the lines enough. And my primary focus was on how she felt about him not saying/doing anything after she dumped him. It's clear to me that the breakup was a test; otherwise why would she be asking after she broke up with him if he just wasn't that into her, particularly given the reason why she dumped him? Why even care about that? Can you answer that, OP?
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Tigress, I really liked him. I guess that is why I was asking. I wanted to know if maybe I was overreacting, which now having thought about it. I wasn't. He was a jerk. I let it go on way to long. I know that I deserve better.
tigressA Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Tigress, I really liked him. I guess that is why I was asking. I wanted to know if maybe I was overreacting, which now having thought about it. I wasn't. He was a jerk. I let it go on way to long. I know that I deserve better. No, you weren't overreacting. But look at the reason you said you dumped him--he was just using you. Couldn't you deduct from that on your own that he wasn't into you? You broke up with him. He's not in your life anymore. Why is it so important to know whether or not he was into you or still is? Again, look at this, what you wrote. He let me leave his house without saying a word. He didn't say bye or I love you. Nothing. So was he just that not into me? What did you want him to do when you told him it was over? What would you have done if he had fought for you?
Lishy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 It seems as if he was in it for what he could get Onwards and upwards my sweet!
Nexus One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You did right in my opinion. Him asking you to buy a $14K motorcycle after a relationship of a mere 3 months? I guess there's a reason why he's in debt, he doesn't see any problems when it comes to money.
BOKI5 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You did the right thing! You didn't handle the situation immaturely, you handled it as you should have. This dude is a moocher. I mean he went on a trip, so he obviously go at least take you out or something. He could have taken you to Olive Garden or something. He's a pussy. I think you already know the answer, he's not that into you. I think he went out with you for convenience. He's a loser... Lesson Learned. Move on and Good Luck.
DuskCrush Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Well--it's good you got out early. Maybe being a loser is just a part of his personality--who knows. It's obvious you need more from a guy. Keep those boots on and keep walking.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 He has money from his paycheck, but he can't get credit. He called me last night. Asked me if I wanted to go to dinner on Sunday. Says that he misses me. Asked me if I have moved on. I told him no to dinner and yes I have moved on and that he is no longer a part of my world.
xpaperxcutx Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 $14000?!!! Wooo-- yeah no, if 3 months entitled him to a motorcycle, the first month alone would have entitled you to an LV bag.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Um, no thanks jlinder. Don't need nor want any spells cast on him because I don't want him. There are to many fish in the sea that are better than him.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 lol Bob. Will say that the sex was good, but not that good to buy him a motorcycle. lol
Author Roadlesstaken Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 An update. A little while age I ran into an ex girlfriend of loser who asked me to buy him a motorcycle. He also asked her to buy him one and she wouldn't. They even lived together for a short time and he wouldn't even buy groceries. A lot of his behaviors that she described, I also experienced with him. Glad I gave him the boot.
milkmaterial Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 sigh..i think he was into you, he cooked a lot for u and stuff, dont get me wrong. u spent a lot of time together. when u did say u came into a lot of money, he probably just saw that as an advantage. he shouldve asked u to loan him at least 10 percent for a motorcycle he can use to go to work or something. but not ASK u for the whole motorcycle. he probably didnt say he loves u because he felt embarassed, thats all.
Author Roadlesstaken Posted February 13, 2011 Author Posted February 13, 2011 Well, if he needed a motorcycle to get to work that would be one thing, but he already had two motorcycles and a truck, so he wasn't lacking for a way to get to work.
musemaj11 Posted February 13, 2011 Posted February 13, 2011 He obviously does like you. But that doesnt mean that he is not an idiot for asking you to buy him a $14,000 motorcycle.
Recommended Posts