SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 So, after having good days, where I was able to understand what I did wrong in the relationship. Here's a link to my post http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t261958/ (I was really happy with myself for being able to identify the wrong attitudes I had towards the relationship). I guess this will prepar me for the next one!? But, I now feel sad again, so writing here again just to vent it out. He's always on my mind, and today I really feel like I miss him and how things used to be. This feeling also comes with curiosity. I wish I could know what's he's up to. I do understand I can't be thinking like that, but it just happens. This process of coping and the ups and downs, changes you as a person. I wonder when will it stop?
Fern Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 If you figure that out, let me know! I've decided to start keeping a record of my moods - try to figure out when I'm thinking of him most and what triggers it. I need to start moving on quicker.
Stilicho Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 idk about eerbody else, but maintaining NC has done marvels for me, incuding gaining my confidence back and self esteem, and im only on day 18! unfortunately my NC will end in 6 days, when we resume class, but so be it. She no longer has a hold on me, and i am doing just fine with out her. Sure, i still think of her, but no longer with such attached emotions. its her loss, not mine, and she will see that.
Author SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Good idea Fern...we have to figure out what triggers our moods. Then try to control it. But, it might sound pathetic...but, pretty much anything does make me think of him, I found out, by analysing myself that if i think of him and his new girl I get upset, with her not him!!(should be the other way around!), then I wish I could meet her and tell her to get lost!(silly of me, whenever she goes i guess there will be somebody else) But, in my mind she is stopping him from missing me...So, I hate her! Will have to learn how to change my feeling towards this...
Author SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Stilicho, I will get to the point where I will say, its his loss. As of now, I'm still working towards this... Glad you are doing fine.
swfc_77 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 for me it stops when i throw myself into work. its worse when i stop and sit down at home, its like someone lights a candle next to me. also carrying my mobile around with me 24/7 doesn't help, i try to leave it at home switched off when i go out at night for a beer, that might not be a good idea for a young women to do though i leave my mobile in the van at work and pop back to check for work related calls every hour or 2. i try not to speak about her at all in front of people, i do have my opinions of her but to be fair nobody wants to listen. from the time we split to now i try and change as much as poss, new clothes/trainers change things around at home, do a bit of painting - or if your a builder like me rip some walls out that helped. i found that helped a lot because i could look at things and say to myself "well, thats changed since i was with her, this has changed since i'v seen her" might be strange but it helped me out. stay NC/ no facebook or pictures is rule number 1 though hope this helps.
Author SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 swfc- Thanks for sharing... My problem is that i keep breaking NC! I think to myself a phone call won't hurt, well it does...but, i'm doing better! Before, I would call and text (he wouldn't always pick up and I would insist on it!). I now try my hardest not to contact him, but if he does contact me I reply...shame on me! Still working on that too. Dreading Valentine's day. But, then decided to go on a short trip with a friend around that time.
swfc_77 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 you need to start trying to put a little distance between you and your phone, i know its really hard especially for women my phone has become my worst enemy. we had about 3 months NC then she broke it/me, i looked at my bill a couple of days ago and she had called/txt me 90+ times and me to her 120+ times from 20th dec to 3-4 jan or something. i looked at it and thought, wow there's a blip if i ever needed to see it on paper. it did nothing but tear me up. people are different, i tried to vanish and made it hard to be contacted from our mutual friends. suppose i just needed to sort myself out and needed some space. you wont wake up and just suddenly not have any feelings, but sticking NC will slowly, very slowly allow you to move on without realising it.
Author SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 One of my main problems is curiosity! And besides the ex and I we still have a lot of 'legal' things together. I know that might sound as an excuse to talk, but I'm not using it. When it comes to me contacting him from now on will only be ob the basis of that and if it is truly necessary only. I'll try not replying to him if he contacts me again! And if I do won't be straight away! Those are the goals for now :-)
radiodarcy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 for me it stops when i throw myself into work. its worse when i stop and sit down at home, its like someone lights a candle next to me. also carrying my mobile around with me 24/7 doesn't help, i try to leave it at home switched off when i go out at night for a beer, that might not be a good idea for a young women to do though i leave my mobile in the van at work and pop back to check for work related calls every hour or 2. i try not to speak about her at all in front of people, i do have my opinions of her but to be fair nobody wants to listen. from the time we split to now i try and change as much as poss, new clothes/trainers change things around at home, do a bit of painting - or if your a builder like me rip some walls out that helped. i found that helped a lot because i could look at things and say to myself "well, thats changed since i was with her, this has changed since i'v seen her" might be strange but it helped me out. stay NC/ no facebook or pictures is rule number 1 though hope this helps. the phone idea is a good one. i too have been careful about keeping my cell out of reach. before i used to have it within reach 24/7 in the hopes that he might call/text. of course - - if he didn't call/text, then i would be tempted to contact him; and i almost always did. which meant more waiting by the phone in the hope he would respond. and then if he didn't i would be heartbroken. i can't believe i put myself through that game for two years now that we aren't speaking anymore, i keep my cell either in a coat pocket that's hung up in my closet or in a zippered compartment of my bag. now, when i get an urge to call or send him a text, it fades quickly since i don't feel like going into the closet or rooting through my bag to find my phone to do so. i guess there are times when it pays to be lazy
Author SophiaL Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 the phone idea is a good one. i too have been careful about keeping my cell out of reach. before i used to have it within reach 24/7 in the hopes that he might call/text. of course - - if he didn't call/text, then i would be tempted to contact him; and i almost always did. which meant more waiting by the phone in the hope he would respond. and then if he didn't i would be heartbroken. i can't believe i put myself through that game for two years Radiodarcy-You have put up with that for 2 years...how long has it been since you have stopped contact? I've been draging on this type of situation for like 7 months, technically 5 months, because for some reason I can't explain as soon as we broke up i was fine for the 2 months that followed! Wish I would understand why...but the past 5 months it's been pretty hard... I know that I have be strong and go NC and that's the only way to stop being in this state of mind...
comethemorning Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I've decided to start keeping a record of my moods - try to figure out when I'm thinking of him most and what triggers it. I need to start moving on quicker. For me the 'triggers' are dates. Many times I will be in a really foul mood and not know why, and then happen to glance at the calendar, and understand. Today was a perfect example (that just dawned on me about 10 mins ago). Today is 8 months of NC and the last time STBXH left our property. I think getting past all of the 'firsts' is the hardest part. Ex - first Christmas, Anniversary, birthdays, etc. At least that is what I am telling myself Peace.
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