What are your reasons for staying on ls once you have successfully parted ways?

[KarmasTestDummy]

I haven't been around here as of lately, and that's because exmm and I have parted ways. I know when I was with him, LS was my life support for understanding my emotions, but when I break away it actually makes it worse emotionally on me to keep reading. I feel detached from him now and thus less dependent on LS as my crutch. But I do know many of the people here have broken away and are now long time ex OW/OM. Why do you stay? Does it help to dwell on it? Do you have lingering desires for the fairytale ending? Do you have a personal agenda to see others avoid your same mistakes? Just curious...there's no right or wrong answer or judgment involved!

[KarmasTestDummy]

Oh my bad..looks like there is a similar thread going. LS agenda. Feel free to disregard.

[Ms. Red]

I haven't been around here as of lately, and that's because exmm and I have parted ways. I know when I was with him, LS was my life support for understanding my emotions, but when I break away it actually makes it worse emotionally on me to keep reading. I feel detached from him now and thus less dependent on LS as my crutch. But I do know many of the people here have broken away and are now long time ex OW/OM. Why do you stay? Does it help to dwell on it? Do you have lingering desires for the fairytale ending? Do you have a personal agenda to see others avoid your same mistakes? Just curious...there's no right or wrong answer or judgment involved!

 

 

Hi KTD, good to hear from you. Last I remember is that you were with him and were ok with your decision to be. I don't remember reading that you parted ways. I hope you are well and finding yourself secure in your life.

 

I think it's fine to post your questions as you did. Yes, there is another similar thread but as usual, it's going off into a Bwitchfest. Your questions as you posted them are good IMO.

 

I came to LS to get support in my divorce (that still hasn't happened). I read and read and read before I signed up and then when I did I realized that I fit into many categories here. I find myself hanging out in this forum more than any other because I used to condemn people for doing things in the past that I ended up doing. This forum does have it's drama, emotions, and projections all over it. And I find myself mainly intrigued by the stories but occasionally get an urge to post when something really makes an impression on me. I hope my rare posts can help those that come here seeking to find help, understanding or a way to resolve the situation they are in.

[KarmasTestDummy]

Hi KTD, good to hear from you. Last I remember is that you were with him and were ok with your decision to be. I don't remember reading that you parted ways. I hope you are well and finding yourself secure in your life.

 

I think it's fine to post your questions as you did. Yes, there is another similar thread but as usual, it's going off into a Bwitchfest. Your questions as you posted them are good IMO.

 

I came to LS to get support in my divorce (that still hasn't happened). I read and read and read before I signed up and then when I did I realized that I fit into many categories here. I find myself hanging out in this forum more than any other because I used to condemn people for doing things in the past that I ended up doing. This forum does have it's drama, emotions, and projections all over it. And I find myself mainly intrigued by the stories but occasionally get an urge to post when something really makes an impression on me. I hope my rare posts can help those that come here seeking to find help, understanding or a way to resolve the situation they are in.

 

Thank you for the reply. You're right, I did not post the breakup because I have already announced many futile attempts at NC before that went poorly and for what it's worth I didn't trust myself to follow-thru and didn't want to sound like a hypocrite once again when I went back. But, my strength and resolve are holding up quite well. We had some deciding point moments and let them pass, so the answer to me was obvious that I needed to walk away for good. It's impossible to love a man you feel is weak and have no respect for...and if he tries to come back again, I will only have that much less respect.

[jthorne]

Thank you for the reply. You're right, I did not post the breakup because I have already announced many futile attempts at NC before that went poorly and for what it's worth I didn't trust myself to follow-thru and didn't want to sound like a hypocrite once again when I went back. But, my strength and resolve are holding up quite well. We had some deciding point moments and let them pass, so the answer to me was obvious that I needed to walk away for good. It's impossible to love a man you feel is weak and have no respect for...and if he tries to come back again, I will only have that much less respect.

Good for you. I hope that someday you find a single man that treats you with kindness and respect.

 

 

As for why I stay- it's for my homies- Bent:love:, FO:love:, Mimo:love:, donnamaybe:love:, too many to mention:love:.

[2sure]

I think that for people who are still in an affair happy or not that LS is simply another venue to make the affair feel valid and tangible.

 

But when it ends, I can completely understand wanting to step away from every aspect of it, including an on line forum...if you really want to put it behind you. Once thats done...some former OW like myself sometimes stick around to try to figure out ...not anything about the affair but about what about me led to it. Same thing with being divorced or being a BS.

 

Plus sometimes, when I see a train coming , I want to tell those on the tracks to think about getting out of the way.

[whichwayisup]

Hope you're doing alright Karma. You've certainly been through the wringer when it's come to your exMM and all that it's brought into your life. Stay strong, and I hope you find happiness again soon.

[fooled once]

I haven't been around here as of lately, and that's because exmm and I have parted ways. I know when I was with him, LS was my life support for understanding my emotions, but when I break away it actually makes it worse emotionally on me to keep reading. I feel detached from him now and thus less dependent on LS as my crutch. But I do know many of the people here have broken away and are now long time ex OW/OM. Why do you stay? Does it help to dwell on it? Do you have lingering desires for the fairytale ending? Do you have a personal agenda to see others avoid your same mistakes? Just curious...there's no right or wrong answer or judgment involved!

 

Is the bolded comment you made directed at those of us former mistresses/OW?

 

If so, then I have a comment -- I didn't come to LS during the time I was in an affair.

 

I came to LS years and years later - mainly because a friend was here and she showed me this site -- I started out reading the marriage forum and from there, I went to the parenting and then this forum.

 

I can assure you that I am not dwelling on my past affair nor do I have lingering fairlytale endings for it.

 

I am happily married to someone I met after the affair ended.

 

I stay because I have made a bunch of friends and to also give advice to those who are in affairs and want out. I stay because I wish I had a place like this to come to years and years ago to help me realize that affairs aren't the romantic thing they are portrayed to be. I stay to give my view, to share my experience and because there are a mess of other forums besides the OW/OM forum on this site.

 

I also belong to a step parenting forum, which helped me out so much when I was beginning my journey of being a step parent.

 

I also belong to a medical community related to certain medical conditions and I visit there to learn of advances in medicine, new treatments, new medications to help me with my condition.

 

Web communities are what you make them - you can either go someplace and dwell or you can go someplace and find friends, find advice (and give advice) or to just pass the time / engage in various topics.

 

I personally don't see any poster on this forum who comes here to "dwell" on their failed affair. I see people (men and women) seeking answers, looking for advice and then willing to stay and share their experience.

[fooled once]

Good for you. I hope that someday you find a single man that treats you with kindness and respect.

 

 

As for why I stay- it's for my homies- Bent:love:, FO:love:, Mimo:love:, donnamaybe:love:, too many to mention:love:.

 

Right there with you jt! I am so glad I have had the opportunity to get to know so many people - like you, Bent, Donna, Mimo, Hopeless, LadyD, FoG, BB07, Star and so many others who have enriched my life in many ways!

 

Karma, who knows --- maybe you can help someone who is struggling. But if you don't feel strong enough yet, there are tons of other forums here at LS that may interest you!

Edited January 26, 2011 by fooled once

[Fieldsofgold]

Thank you for the reply. You're right, I did not post the breakup because I have already announced many futile attempts at NC before that went poorly and for what it's worth I didn't trust myself to follow-thru and didn't want to sound like a hypocrite once again when I went back. But, my strength and resolve are holding up quite well. We had some deciding point moments and let them pass, so the answer to me was obvious that I needed to walk away for good. It's impossible to love a man you feel is weak and have no respect for...and if he tries to come back again, I will only have that much less respect.

 

Good thread, Karma! I love the tone.

 

I'm so glad to hear you are in a good place with your situation now. You've been on my mind since your earliest threads. I'm glad you let us know. You sound strong. I knew you were!

 

I stayed here after I dropped my x, because I needed help sorting through the debris. My "getting over it" was a gradual process, and so I stayed while it dwindled down.

 

Now I stay because I want to help others, share my experience, comfort the ones who are hurting, and give insight and encouragement when possible.

 

Also, I have friends here. And even those who I have not communicated with privately, I am still concerned about and want to keep up with how they are doing.

 

I learn a lot here, too. I learn a lot about human nature, about how people think and view the world. It's interesting. Not just what is posted, but the politics of the board.

 

Of a less noble nature, it gives me an escape when I have a job I want to avoid!

[steelknife]

I think that for people who are still in an affair happy or not that LS is simply another venue to make the affair feel valid and tangible.

 

But when it ends, I can completely understand wanting to step away from every aspect of it, including an on line forum...if you really want to put it behind you. Once thats done...some former OW like myself sometimes stick around to try to figure out ...not anything about the affair but about what about me led to it. Same thing with being divorced or being a BS.

 

Plus sometimes, when I see a train coming , I want to tell those on the tracks to think about getting out of the way.

 

 

this is very true. but as i slowly needed to accept and move on. it hurts so much to come here and read all that happened to me in other peoples story. and each time, you see one you know will be a disaster.

sometimes, you thnk that your story is unique but it is all here. and i realized. how i allowd myself to fall in this kind of trap. i still cant believe it

[Fieldsofgold]

this is very true. but as i slowly needed to accept and move on. it hurts so much to come here and read all that happened to me in other peoples story. and each time, you see one you know will be a disaster.

sometimes, you thnk that your story is unique but it is all here. and i realized. how i allowd myself to fall in this kind of trap. i still cant believe it

 

It is amazing the similarities of the stories, isn't it. Even while each person thinks their story is so unique. Even mine, which didn't follow the usual affair pattern, I thought, turned out not to be unique at all!

 

Please don't beat yourself up for falling into the trap. Untold numbers of men and women have before you, and sadly, will after you. Just take care of yourself and know you're not alone in this.