Bateman Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I just read a few threads on the GIGS theory and it made me realize something new....It's not necessary that you read the next few paragraphs but it's just a backline and story of our relationship thus far. Me and the ex gf dated for a little over a year. the first 9 months were great. Then she wanted to take a break stating that "she's not IN love with me anymore." I did nothing and accepted it but we never really took a break. We still "acted" as though we were in a relationship. This went on for about another 5-6 months. We fell into grooves and nothing ever really felt the same. Then one day, I realized I wanted to put more commitment into our relationship. I gave her a few days to think it over, but she ended up breaking up with me. OK, this is when I broke down and did all the stuff I shouldn't. After about 2 weeks of NC, she contacted me to go I have lunch. I accepted. It was nice. I played it cool. A week later I met up with her downtown for her bday. She was hammered and told me how much she loved me, and stuff like that. She didn't remember what she had said the next day but I still took care of her being really sick from the drinking. A week later she calls me so we can get together. So we hang out for a little while and the next night, I went to visit her and I spent the night before I go home for break. So I go home for about 3 weeks. We talk a little bit. She actually called me at 5am new years eve and we talked for about half an hour. So I get back to school and I hang out with her at her house. We watched tv on the couch like we used to. The first time I actually felt those familiar feelings from when we started dating. I decide (because my intention is to try to win her back) to "go in for the kill" so to speak. Not over do it but just start hanging out more often. We went to eat a week later when she was in town and afterwards we watched tv again. Had a great time. We both laughed and hung out as though we had never missed a beat. It felt great. The next night though, I have to go downtown to work for some event and I asked her if I could stay at her place. She never responded. Haven't talked since... She has been sketchy like that for a while now. She also graduated from college last May and moved out of her house for the first time in her life. That's about when she started acting sketchy. OK, now for my feelings...I really did love her but I always wanted to know if the grass was greener on the other side. It's why I shut down from the relationship and let it turn into more bad times then good. I think it pushed her away more and more. We bickered about stupid things constantly. I was feeling unfulfilled from the relationship and felt it was one-sided.(which I think it was) I was putting more into it than I was receiving but it was basically a half-assed approach because I was always unsure of whether or not I truly loved her anymore. So she ended it between us and I realized that I really did love her. That was about 3 months ago. We have remained in little contact and I told her we could be friends. (I know that was a mistake). After reading the GIGS threads I realized that I had that very early on in our relationship. I don't know if she had it but some the things related to GIGS fits my situation. Then I became really insecure about our relationship and did all the wrong things. Anyways, I am going back to NC, but what I really want to do differently this time is tell her how I really feel and let her go for real. Maybe send her a letter telling her all of the things. I really just want to get back together with her but right now I'm in the friends zone and I can't deal with it. I am miserable. I need to find out if she is willing to give it another try or if I am just being her "buddy." If nothing else, I think it will give me closure.
z00m25 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 im new to the site, whats the gigs threads you were referring to? as far as advice goes im not much in a place to give it having just been through a similar break up. girls act so dumb. If i was you id send the letter but id probably wait at least a week or two but yeah if she doesnt want to pursue your relationship closure is for sure needed.
Movingthrough Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Its funny how we are as human beings, it really is. You admitted you had the GIGS a little bit, then when it split, you wanted her back. Im guilty of this too, i feel like rejection is just something we cant handle very well, especially guys. How many guys on this site can admit they dont want someone like our ex's because of what they did, but we still want them back. My thesis is still that most of it with us guys is based off of ego. Anyway, the point that you are at i would go and stay NC, she needs to know that you will not be around, she has the power now since she can call and you will answer, turn the tables and go from there.
Author Bateman Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Yeah that's exactly my situation. I want to wait a while before I send a letter. Give myself some time to think things over. Like I said, things were great the last time we hung out. Like we had never broken up. We had fun with each other again. Like the spark was back...I need to know if it was real. The biggest part of trying to get back together is knowing what the other person wants. People love to be chased. Does she want me to chase her or prove to her that I love her? No idea. She's being very "push-pull" with me. It's something I feel like I need to end. One way or the other... GIGS is the "Grass is Greener Syndrome." There are some really good threads on here about it. It's basically something you feel in a relationship that makes want to leave the relationship. If you've ever been told or told someone "I still love you but I'm not in love with you," it's usually a result of GIGS. I think. It helped me rationalize what I was feeling and helped understand the reasons for my breakup.
Author Bateman Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 So I have been watching this series called Red vs Blue. It is a really well thought out story and plot but it is based off of the game of Halo. haha. I know it sounds ridiculous but it is extremely funny. It's kind of a long series but maybe if you really wanted to, you could find a synopsis of the storyline somewhere. Anyways, I have a point to this. The very last episode of the latest season, the main character recollects on everything that has happened between him and his girlfriend and what he had to say really meant a lot to me and made a lot of sense...here's what he said. "A great love is a lot like a good memory. When it's there, and you know it's there, but it's just out of your reach; it can be all you think about. Sure you can focus on it and try to force it, but the more you do, the more you seem to push it away. But if you're patient and you hold still...well maybe...just maybe...it will come to you." In order to get back what you have lost, you have to let go. I am still miserable right now but if I send this letter (probably within the next couple of weeks) I can finally let go and move on. If she comes back at some point then maybe we can give it another try.
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