colliejoanie Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'm feeling so weak right now. And so stupid. And mad at myself. I dated a guy for only four months. I'm 34. He's 38. It was hot and heavy, and then cold and confusing......a roller coaster. He had issues with an ex, and I was willing to wait it out (he found out his ex had cheated with his best friend for the entire four years of their relationship). I did the stupid thing and continued to sleep with him even after he told me he needed to just be friends for a while. Well, it was ridiculous. We continued to talk daily, and see each other twice a week. Then, he left to see his family for Christmas.......and stopped calling. He didn't respond to a Merry Christmas text, didn't wish me a happy birthday. No Happy new Year. I am in the middle of a horrible custody battle, he knows about it. I haven't heard a thing from him. I've made the mistake of texting a couple of times in the last two weeks. Nothing in regards to us, just light stuff. he always responds, which has gotten my hopes up. Well, what I really want is an explanation. I know I won't get it. So, please LSers......help me to be strong. This guy obviously has no respect for me! WHY CANT I MOVE ON?????
Leandro Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You got attached pretty fast. You're right, he has no respect for you!! Just stick to NC and I'm sure if will get better.
Denillad Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I think u should do absolute nc as u want to see if the man value ur relationship. If he fights for it, that's ur proof but for now focus on ur kids n urself right now.
Author colliejoanie Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Thank you for your responses. I realize how absurd it is for me to still be pining over this guy. I'm actually shocked and embarrassed at myself. I'm definitely focusing on my daughter, and on what's going on in my life outside of him. I'm not dating because I realized how much time a man took away from the rest of my life right now. But after my daughter's in bed, the house is clean, and my homework is done........that's when I start thinking of him.....and wondering what the hell went wrong....
IfiKnewThen Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 i know you care about. i know you did things you normally wouldnt do for the SAKE of caring about him. it's obviously a 1 way street here for him not to sympathize with your custody battle and wish you a simple merry christmas happy birthday and new year. he obviously does not want to be with you. at this point you have nothing to lose. you want to maintain self respect though. heres what i strongly suggest.... to call him. yes call him. and he doesnt have to answer. better if he doesnt..so he wont interupt and you wont lose your nerve. then leave him a message or 2 or 3 (if you have to continue it. call him out on his crap... i would say.. " hi..so and so....i am glad we are on speaking terms again at least in text. i was beginning to feel bad and ready to abandon being a friend to you. i dont expect much from people but i do expect a little common curtesy. i know you might be busy but it didnt feel good or right, not hearing back from you..especially since we were a little intimate there. i tried to be supportive to you when you were going through things with your ex and i was surprised you didnt call to ask about how my custody thing was going. i thought you knew how important that is to me. i was hoping we were at least close enough to not have to fear corresponding and to have basic respectful communication and common curtesy of one another. i dont expect anything of you because we arent formally or informally commited...but again, it was about treating me at least like the friend i was to you and acknowleging me. good , bad or indifferent i would have appreciated that much." just thought i'd let you know that. really...if you decide to go N/C....at least first get that much off of your mind. he needs to know how youre thinking and feeling. dont just try to appease him or abandon him. let him KNOW who you REALLY are. you say it softly but firmly. dont yell and say it like a B. you are a mature adult who respects themselves and you need to have others know who you really are and respect you accordingly. or get rid of them. you might look back and regret not saying anything. it doesnt make you a nag. he will see a person who respects herself. trust me on this..and if he doesnt like it...tuff for him. you can tell someone who you feel without being demanding. but let them know you dont appreciate it and they should then know automatically AFTERWARDS..that its unacceptable to you. you think a man should already know this right? wrong. let him know and then if he does it again..you know he has done it on purpose. if you go N/C wothout saying anything...you might regret you never did. sometimes we have to tell people how to treat us. if they care...they will get it.
D-Lish Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I was involved in a similar predicament. I met someone, it was hot and heavy for 3 months, then he got cold feet and just wanted to be "friends". I remained "friends" with him for almost 2 years after he cried committment phobia. I always hung on to those first 3 months- focusing on that apparant connection instead of respecting myself and walking away. One thing I learned from that experience is that remaining involved with someone that doesn't value you is the worst thing you can do to yourself. You might think that this person holds all the cards because you are the one wanting more- but that's simply not true. We all have the power to be kind to ourselves and walk away when someone can't reciprocate our feelings. It's hard to do, but it's always the right choice. Nothing "went wrong", he wasn't "right" when he entered into the relationship with you, and that's all on him. Don't allow yourself to believe there is something you could have done differently, because he was broken when you met him. I'd immediately cease all communication with him! All I can tell you is that as soon as I stood up for myself and decided to end my fwb situation, things started to turn around for me. It wasn't long before I actually met a good guy whom I am still with. Make the choice to be kind to yourself and put this guy and his problems behind you, it's a liberating decision.
Eddie Edirol Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 You cant move on because you havent found someone to take his place yet....might wanna start working towards finding someone who can treat you better.
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