kit89 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Ok this is kinda long so please bear with me. I'm 21, I've been in 3 relationships my entire life, my first two were not very serious either. So I meet this guy, and he's the total opposite of what I usually go for. A player, overly confident, but just a lotta fun to be with. We started off as good friends and he was always very flirty with me, which I returned. We ended up sleeping together (which is a big deal for me as I'd only slept with one person before him). I then find out he's back with his ex, or possibly never left her I'm not overly sure. Eventually they broke up again and he said everything right to me, I fell for it and we were sorta together in a way but not officially dating. I spent some time with him and this other girl, he spent the whole night being all over her and made me feel like I was being used. He did this a bit with other girls but never told me what happened. My trust issues aside, we finally started dating. This is where the problem started. I never trusted him and I thought he might cheat on me, so I could never let myself completely "fall" for him. But I dated him because I really did have strong feelings for him. He treated me very well aside from the stuff I already told you. So of course my trust issues become more of an issue as time goes on, I ended up sleeping with my best friend about 4 months into our relationship. He'd always had a thing for me, my bf knew that and told me I could never see him but I always promised nothing would happen. After that me and my best friend would hang out secretly, acting like a couple would together. I slept with him a few more times after that. About 2 months ago my bf cheated on me with a girl at a party. It was a girl I'd always had an issue with because she was so into him. I found out just a few weeks ago from a friend she told, I questioned him but he's a very good liar, I almost believed him but I didn't give up. After about an hour of bugging him he confessed. He said it was because I ignored him that whole night for my best friend. It's true, I did. I felt terrible about it, but my bf never lets me talk or hang out with friends and I felt like rebelling a little bit. I told him what I did, he was really angry but said he forgave me and wants to try again. A few days ago I found out he'd slept with other girls while we were just "friends with benefits" and had always lied to me about that. I also found out he'd been flirty with other girls while we dated. I get what I did was wrong but I did always love him and I admit I made a mistake, I believe if he'd trusted me from the beginning I wouldnt have messed up. The last month we had was amazing. (this was before we knew we cheated on eachother though) I finally had trusted him and fell for him, we were great together. I'd never felt this strongly for anyone and he bought me an engagement ring. His mum even said he'd never been like this with another girl before (and he's been with a lot). Now this is the issue. I really did love him, and I don't know if I still do. I am happy with him aside from a few issues and we just fit so perfectly. We get on well and have lots in common, and I'm always comfortable with him. He promises he's changed, considering he wanted to get engaged I think he may have. But I was always right to distrust him considering what he did. Although I don't know if the reason he did what he did while we dated was because I messed with his head (with my best friend) or if he just is an untrustworthy player. I know I did wrong, but I'm not usually like that. It's almost like he brought it out in me. I don't know whether to forgive him and give us another shot or just move on from him. How can I forgive what he did? Any insights would be great (: or if anyone else has ever had an experience like this before?
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 He lied to you He cheated on you You yourself described him as a "player" Why would you ever speak to him again?! He has absolutely no respect for you. If you did to him what he has done to you, do you think he would accept it? You need to get rid of the lying, cheating scumbag and find someone who deserves you.
Author kit89 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 You're right. But it's just hard, I've never gotten on with someone so well. It feels like he'd be perfect if he could only be faithful. Do people like this ever change?
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Being unfaithful is a fatal personality flaw... it's like saying a tiger is the perfect pet if only it weren't so dangerous! Yes people can change but not quickly and not without sufficient motivation. This guy does not want to change. He will not be faithful to you if you stay with him. You need to move on and find someone better.
heartshaped Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 This is really just a mess. You've cheated, his cheated, and neither of you are actually taking responsibility for your actions. He blames his cheating on your actions and you blame your cheating on his. Find someone that you can be faithful to and someone that will be faithful to you.
PegNosePete Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Oh yeah, didn't see that the OP had cheated also. Take everything I said and apply it to both of you in equal measures. End this train wreck of a relationship.
lululucy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I really did love him, and I don't know if I still do. You don't. You are just punishing each other, cut the ties and walk away with what dignity you can and find someone who you respect enough to be faithful to.
Author kit89 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I've ended it, I miss him a lot but it's for the best I assume :/
purplepanda Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 It sounds like you liked him a lot, but it wasn't in your heart. If you didn't trust him from the start, it was the reason you cheated on him. I'd say go for your best friend, but who knows how that'll turn out? Just let him go, he's full of crap. Hope I helped
Evo01 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Short answer ... No. If you really love each other there would be no temptation. I like the sound of your best friend! You should go out with your best friend
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