john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Briefly........... 1. I met a girl online. 2. We chatted for a few weeks. 3. Now we've started dating. 4. I no longer login to the dating site. 5. She, however, has hidden her profile and continues to login regularly. 6. I know this because I have the direct link to her profile and don't need to be logged in to view it. So, what's going on? Obviously it's true to say that I'm checking on her, but what's she doing? Is she....... A. Checking on me -- ie, she wants to see when I last active? B. Chatting to other guys? Either way, is this kind of thing normal?
Jannah Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Briefly........... 1. I met a girl online. 2. We chatted for a few weeks. 3. Now we've started dating. 4. I no longer login to the dating site. 5. She, however, has hidden her profile and continues to login regularly. 6. I know this because I have the direct link to her profile and don't need to be logged in to view it. So, what's going on? Obviously it's true to say that I'm checking on her, but what's she doing? Is she....... A. Checking on me -- ie, she wants to see when I last active? B. Chatting to other guys? Either way, is this kind of thing normal? Sounds somewhat accurate based on the stories we here about online dating. How about gently mentioning it to her?
Author john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Sounds somewhat accurate based on the stories we here about online dating. How about gently mentioning it to her? Ah -- but is that A or B or both? Thanks.
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 She may not know that trick you have and be checking to see if you're online. Or, she's in the habit of logging in and hasn't broken it. Or, she likes the attention. Or, she is looking to see if she can find someone better. There's no real way to know it until you bring it up. Have you guys had the exclusivity talk?
Jannah Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Ah -- but is that A or B or both? Thanks. Hold on while I pull out my crystal ball and consult with the gods. Honestly, I have no clue. I know women often ask this very same question so I would lean towards A in that case. But, if it were A, couldn't she do that by going to your direct link too?
Author john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Or, she likes the attention. No -- her profile is hidden and doesn't show up if you search for women of her age. So she is no longer getting attention from new "admirers". The only way to get access to her profile is by using the direct link. We actually switched from the dating site to Facebook a few weeks ago. At that point I stopped using the dating site, while she immediately hid her profile. I asked her if she still logs in to the dating site and she said no. So she's obviously lying. But then again, it's kind of hard to come clean and say "yes, I login regularly to make sure you've not been active recently". Then again, maybe she's communicating with other guys!
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 No -- her profile is hidden and doesn't show up if you search for women of her age. So she is no longer getting attention from new "admirers". The only way to get access to her profile is by using the direct link. We actually switched from the dating site to Facebook a few weeks ago. At that point I stopped using the dating site, while she immediately hid her profile. I asked her if she still logs in to the dating site and she said no. So she's obviously lying. But then again, it's kind of hard to come clean and say "yes, I login regularly to make sure you've not been active recently". Then again, maybe she's communicating with other guys! Maybe attention from previous admirers. But that could be a good sign because then she's not interested in sharing her personal email and is just being friendly. Otherwise, she would have no need to contact them there. I don't know how often she logs in, but she may just be checking up on you.
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 She could be clicking on the email matches they send her.. My guess is that she is checking on you.. and if her profile is hidden then that direct link won't work unless you log in.. So she might be seeing you log in.. Hidden means that the bookmarks no longer work.. Maybe you are seeing the cache of your browser instead of her actually being logged in.. just a thought...
Author john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Honestly, I have no clue. I know women often ask this very same question so I would lean towards A in that case. But, if it were A, couldn't she do that by going to your direct link too? She could -- but only if she understood how to set up the URL parameter on a PHP site. I'm an IT guy; she isn't. We seem to be quite close. We've spoken several times on the phone; we've emailed each other; and we had our first date a couple of days ago. It went well and lasted several hours.
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 and we had our first date a couple of days ago. Maybe relax a little if you just had your first date? Give it a month or so before you start asking that kind of thing. At least a handful of dates. She may be letting other guys know she's seeing someone else that she was already talking to. I did this. And I think the guy saw that I was still on like you and it ended up blowing up.
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 We seem to be quite close. We've spoken several times on the phone; we've emailed each other; and we had our first date a couple of days ago. It went well and lasted several hours. Oh.... I thought you were BF-GF... Dude... you are checking up on a girl you just started to date.. WTF ?
Jannah Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Either way, doesn't that seem a bit invasive of one's privacy (on one or both parts), after one date?
OceanGirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Wow. You are "quite close" because you spoke on the phone few times, you e-mailed and you had ONE date that lasted a few hours (that's how long most dates last BTW).. Seriously..
PleasantDeviation Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 That's one reason why I'm staying away from online dating from now on. It's too easy and it always makes you wonder if the other person is still shopping and talking to others. It seems to me as you don't have her undivided attention and she is still looking around. She may wonder if she can still find someone better. I met my last bf on POF. I deactivated my profile after we agreed to being exclusive. He was just hiding his. Since I had a link to his page, I was still able to see his profile. He was still maintaining it and logging in on a regular basis. People are not always honest. Just be careful what you are getting yourself into.
Author john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Dude... you are checking up on a girl you just started to date Yeah -- I guess you could call it checking but not in a paranoid way. I guess I'm just mildly curious. I've never done this online dating stuff before.
Art_Critic Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) Yeah -- I guess you could call it checking but not in a paranoid way. I guess I'm just mildly curious. I've never done this online dating stuff before. Seems to me that it passed mildly curious when you passed url parameters in php to see her profile... I think that if you trust her then you should show her that trust even if she isn't aware of it.. You either trust her or you don't and if you don't then by all means cut her loose.. Do you already have an agreement to be exclusive and only date each other ? Edited January 25, 2011 by Art_Critic spelling
Author john_smith Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Seems to me that it passed mildly curious when you passed url parameters in php to see her profile Yep -- you're right dude. I recently got divorced from a woman who would NEVER cheat. We were together for more than a decade and have a beautiful young child. So ... did she cheat or did she not cheat? You already know the answer. Aside from her cheating, she was a liar. I guess I'm having trust issues.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 That's one reason why I'm staying away from online dating from now on. It's too easy and it always makes you wonder if the other person is still shopping and talking to others. It seems to me as you don't have her undivided attention and she is still looking around. She may wonder if she can still find someone better. I met my last bf on POF. I deactivated my profile after we agreed to being exclusive. He was just hiding his. Since I had a link to his page, I was still able to see his profile. He was still maintaining it and logging in on a regular basis. People are not always honest. Just be careful what you are getting yourself into. You're right, because meeting someone any other way means they would never be open to meeting other people in their daily lives and remain completely exclusive to only talking to you from then on. One guy being a douche bag and lying about exclusivity on a dating site doesn't mean all guys do this. There's plenty of dishonest cheaters that you cross paths with daily, there's no difference between them and guys you meet on the internet. Yep -- you're right dude. I recently got divorced from a woman who would NEVER cheat. We were together for more than a decade and have a beautiful young child. So ... did she cheat or did she not cheat? You already know the answer. Aside from her cheating, she was a liar. I guess I'm having trust issues. I'd say trust issues is a key factor here man. See a therapist and talk about what you are doing online. You just sold everyone on this thread that you had almost had a relationship with a girl that you've spoke with a few times on the phone and only met once. As of right now she doesn't owe you anything in terms of exclusivity. You've only been out once. Just play it cool, if she likes you then it doesn't matter what she's doing online, she could just be looking or reading emails she gets. Just go with it bro.
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