dubjay Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) Met the person I thought was the one early in 2010, hit it off nicely, we hung out, talked, and then made the decision to be together. She had a child who I adored dearly and treated as my own because her bio-dad is a dimwit...that's another story; still a thorn in her side. Things were great, we never really fought, just had small arguments that were easily worked out; not big deal. Went out, did stuff together and had fun. At the time all seemed perfect. I moved in with her soon after we got together. Well as the year was drawing down, her best friend tipped me off that she didn't mind being engaged to me. It was like the time was right and all the stars were lined up in my favor. I got the ring, popped the question, she said yes. Well two weeks later when I think all is well, I'm told to stay at my old place for a bit and she became cold toward me. No warnings, no signs, no real red flags. The last night together was us cuddled up to each other on the bed. I was given a few excuses "It's not me it's my daughter" or "it's something she said to my mom, I'll tell you when I get all the information." So afterward, I find out her buddy came back from the war and is staying with her...only he stayed for a week/if even then and popped smoke. Here I was in what I would call a salad phase of the relationship where everything was up in the air as she kept texting and talking to me; my dumb self kept responding when I should've went NC. Turns out after war friend left, she went on and flirted with a few guys yet kept trying to text and call me basically stringing me along in the hopes we could fix things; and believe me I wanted to work out whatever problems we had; hell we were planning to buy a house. Met with her just before Thanksgiving because she wanted me over; it was good, but also felt very awkward because she sat there silent as we watched TV together. When her best friend came over, it was like the social switch kicked on. I did ask if there was someone else, she said no, "I'm just going through a time and a little depressed." Went to her baptismal and took her out to dinner, it was a sweet, yet awkward goodnight as she didn't kiss me. She still kept calling and texting afterward. I began to hesitate on my texting and talking. Dumb me should've went NC to begin with. Not even a week later my co-worker ends up being "matched" up to her on a personal ad site (wonder which one haha) and he brought it to my attention. It was then I found out through her friend that she met a guy there that she Skyped with for a week, and they're ALREADY planning to get married after the first of the year. Take into mind the dude is a military guy who just came back from overseas. Her last text was to her best friend's husband making arrangements to drop off all my stuff back to me. Oh and not only is she getting married, she took my idea of getting married in Hawaii. It was then I finally decided to do NC. Not only did she dump me, but strung me along then when she found someone else, dropped me like a rock in a cowardly fashion; sending her best friend and her husband to drop off my stuff. Too afraid to face me? or is it guilt? Now, there are several things running through my mind at the moment. I know some of your are gonna say run as far away from this girl as you can. Truth is, I DON'T hate her, I hate what she's done. There were so many positives in our relationship and I always reminisce about those good times; yet I try NOT to live in the past. And even through all of this, I still do love her; and I have a feeling she'll be back when this marriage collapses. What are the odds this marriage doesn't last, I've heard different perspectives, but the common concensus is that they last about a year if even that; they're still in the honeymoon or puppy love phase. They are doing a court marriage in a few weeks, then do the real one later this year....according to her best friend. Wish I didn't know that. Revenge: Sure I could go the revenge route, but where would that get me. It might end up with her coming back for a very short period of time, only to repeat the same crap to me again, or it'll just not turn out the way it was meant to be planned. I'm torn on revenge, and I know most of you will keep me reasoned and level-headed. It's been almost 2 months NC. There are days where I do alright, I put my personal ad back up, but it doesn't feel right doing so. There are other days where I feel like a broken toy that's left out in the cold. Makes me wonder when she fell out of love with me (she did call me the love of her life and said yes to my proposal) or was I just being used the whole time. And why jump from one person to the next...only to already plan on getting married. Talk about a mega-rebound. Some help/advice on coping would be helpful because I'm trying not to pine, but I do dream about her and the dreams almost seem like we're back together. The song "Untill Your Love Comes Back Around" by RTZ keeps popping in my head along with "Wonderland" by XTC (just read the chorus, it's stayed in my head for over a month now) What are the odds she comes back? Even if she already (possibly) wrote me off. I need to keep myself from pining but it is hard and I do go through an emotional crash once in awhile. I take into consideration she's been married twice already and she's in her late 20s Her best friend has been on my side through all of this...well some things I'd probably rather not know ...and at 2.5 months (1.5 almost 2 of NC) it still feels like it hurts. Edited January 25, 2011 by dubjay
Author dubjay Posted January 27, 2011 Author Posted January 27, 2011 Any thoughts? Could this be a classic case of G.I.G.S.? ..man, it's one of those days where I feel ripped to shreds :(
dng Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Any thoughts? Could this be a classic case of G.I.G.S.? ..man, it's one of those days where I feel ripped to shreds :( I do have one thought: she is damaged to her core. Anyone giving her attention gets a shot at marrying her, while she's engaged to you. Imagine if you married her... and had kids with her... go read some of the posts on the Separation board and thank your luck it didnt come throught. I understand you have feelings for her and its hard but in time you'll meet a non-damaged female and understand what you've been missing out on.
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