Kansas Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Don't respond to her. I would vanish and call good ol' Fed Ex and have them drop the box off at her front door. That way you don't have to deal with any drama. She'll understand what's going on when she sees the contents. NOW she's frantic. Hello guilt.
cboy90 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I would do 'A' for sure. Drop it off, and all you need to say to her is: "I know" Leave it at that. Plain and simple.
Kansas Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 The only problem I see with "A" is that you're so close to the situation, it's such a fresh wound that its hard not to get sucked in ... unless you're an emotional superman ... that's why I was thinking Fed Ex. Don't tell her you're seeing someone else. That's a definite no.
bluebirdsfly Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 A) I go ahead and drop the package off with everything.
jenifer1972 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Well, this is just me but I would want to see her face when I confronted her with the affair, especially the nude pics. Unbelievable... I would need that closure, given the duration of the relationship. I would say, "we have problems and need to talk". Then when we met I would hand her the pictures and say something like, "um, so you despise cheaters do you???" Then I would watch her squirm like a bug stuck on a pin and walk away. ( But I like the last word and to slink away would not give me any closure)
Lemontang Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Jen I'm with you on this. But I'd stick to A. You don't want to give her the chance to get a word in. I mean really what's to say? She cheated period, so what ever she say's not going to give any added satisfaction. I only wish I had this opportunity when I found out. But sadly this was after the fact when I called it quits since she was an alco as well. Go for gold and just drop the box off with all the stuff. Even if you just add a very short note saying something like what Jen said "so you despise cheaters do you???" and leave it at that.
radiodarcy Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 i agree - - i think you should just drop off the stuff, let her know that you know and leave. like jen said - - closure is important. it's just as - - if not more important for you than it is for her. she knows what she did -- she just doesn't know that you know. why should she have the satisfaction of playing the victim when she's the perpetrator?
Author ctwatlanta Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Thank you everyone. It's been so good to have a support group that can understand what I've been going through these last couple of days. I'm going to Fed-Ex everything today. I'm not going to waste my time or gas driving 45 mins to her place just to give her a chance to make excuses, cry, or anything. I doubt I'll ever hear from her again but if I do I'll be sure to let you all know what happens from it all.
darran Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 ctwatlanta, aw man! sorry to hear what happened. Hope you are well.
z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 def go with plan A dude and never speak to her again, you dont need to be dealing with someone like that at all, dont even give her the time of day to try to explain herself. the lies will just continue.
suddendumpee Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Fedex is a good idea. Can you send it COD? Haha. Anyway, please do not let her ever get a word in with you. EVER. It will drive her nuts not being able to come to the defenses of her reputation. You do not owe her the interaction and drama. The attention alone will give her some pleasure. Deprive her of all future contact. And as far as leaving a short note in the box? Skip it. The message you will send with the proof and your silence will speak more than written words ever will. Don't spoil the effect.
Author ctwatlanta Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 @ Suddendumpee - I'm glad you responded again. I had actually written a long note and added it to the FedEX package explaining how I felt and my reasons. I'm now going to remove it and just send the facts and proof as the silence will speak for itself. Thanks again.
suddendumpee Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Good call. I think ANY words give her closure in a sense (which she does not deserve). Closure can either be positive (in mutual understanding/respect) or negative (as in slamming the door closed on a relationship). Even negative closure is closure. Make her wonder what you are thinking about and how it has effected you. NO cloisure at all. That is what she deserves.
Chi townD Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 Other than inquiring on why did you block her, have you received any other e-mails or phone calls?
Author ctwatlanta Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Well it's done. I wrapped it all up, took it to the post office and had it overnighted. It will require her signature to receive it, and I get an online confirmation showing it has been received. So, by this time tomorrow she'll have everything in her hands. I only wish I could place a microscopic video camera in the shipment just to see the expression on her face as she opens it up to see the contents. Also, she sent me yet another frantic email a short while ago (email is her only form of communication to me as I've blocked every other form) asking me to please explain why I've gone silent on her. She wants to know what she has done to deserve this, and that it's really "****ty" of me. Ironic, huh? After tomorrow I doubt very seriously I will ever hear from her again. Thank you again everyone. You have helped me tremendously and empowered me again. Without your advice I'm sure I would have caved and gone over to confront her...and probably been talked into forgiving her. I'm so very glad I had the wherewithal to come here FIRST seeking advice.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Get er dun! Let us know when she gets the package and signs for it... and any emails she sends you. Cheaters never prosper:p
comethemorning Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Good job ctwatlanta !!!!!! So very proud of you {knowing how hard it is to just pack up their **** and send it on without explanation}. You did the right thing. You get to keep your self-respect, you have something you can be proud of how you handled the situation when you have to have the same talk with your daughter someday {and you will...*sigh*}, AND she is the one left feeling worse than a piece of gum on the bottom of a shoe. Now the hard part - remaining in NC. Remember, REMEMBER - you DO NOT owe her an apology of any sorts. None. Nada. And any apology she will try to give will be hollow. The ONLY thing she will be sorry for is getting caught. Keep posting. It helps. The folks here at LS are wonderful, and it seems that there is always someone who can relate to whatever it is you are going through. And yes, please do keep us all updated on what happens {we seem to be a voyeuristic group as well } Peace.
nsphere Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Tough stuff. That gut feeling <sigh>, been there, done that and I hate it when I'm right. You did the right thing. One clue was also how much she talked about her ex being a cheater, etc. I get a lot of clues from listening. Many times what people say are really a reflection of what's inside themselves.
Duckduckgoose Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 According to his timeline she should have the package by now... I am just waiting for him to post her reaction. I need a good laugh
donovant91 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Well done my friend, she isn't worth your time and by being the one to break it off will only make the healing so much easier. Hold strong and keep your ground, A lot of people on here are happy with your decisions as am I.
Author ctwatlanta Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Update: I checked online yesterday to see if the FedEX package had been received by her, and it was delivered at 10:30am but nobody was there to sign for it. That said apparently she received the FedEX slip that was left on the door because she sent me another email yesterday. She's been sending me email daily asking me why I vanished because she has no other way to communicate with me since I blocked her phone number and Facebook page. Quote "WELL I MISSED A FEDEX PACKAGE FROM YOU, SO NOW I CAN'T GET THE PACKAGE TILL TOM! I MEAN WHAT THE HELL CHRIS, U COULDN'T TELL ME WHATEVER IN PERSON???" I didn't respond to her email. At least she knows now there's a FedEX package and it's up to her to go get it and see what's in it. If she does get it and open it I doubt I'll ever hear from her again because there isn't much she can say to defend her actions.
Fern Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 (edited) Update: I checked online yesterday to see if the FedEX package had been received by her, and it was delivered at 10:30am but nobody was there to sign for it. That said apparently she received the FedEX slip that was left on the door because she sent me another email yesterday. She's been sending me email daily asking me why I vanished because she has no other way to communicate with me since I blocked her phone number and Facebook page. Quote "WELL I MISSED A FEDEX PACKAGE FROM YOU, SO NOW I CAN'T GET THE PACKAGE TILL TOM! I MEAN WHAT THE HELL CHRIS, U COULDN'T TELL ME WHATEVER IN PERSON???" I didn't respond to her email. At least she knows now there's a FedEX package and it's up to her to go get it and see what's in it. If she does get it and open it I doubt I'll ever hear from her again because there isn't much she can say to defend her actions. This whole thread is AMAZING! I know you must be feeling deeply, deeply sh*tty at the minute, my friend and my heart goes out to you - if it's any consolation, you have given me SO much pleasure. Stand tall and feel proud. You struck a blow for cheated on men and women everywhere. I can't stop grinning! PLEASE update us if she replies! Thank you so much again! ADDS: She MUST suspect that you know? She can't be THAT stupid? Edited January 28, 2011 by Fern ADDS
Author ctwatlanta Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Update: Well, she received it! I just received email from her and she is furious!!! She, of course, blames me for everything she did. Why is it when someone gets caught cheating it's our fault?!?! Yeah, I made her do what she did and forced it. She's furious that I have all the info on her and claims I "hacked" her acct and that it's illegal and implied she may take legal action. If you leave your phone on with all the crap you've been doing at my house and use my computer to log into your personal dating site then I don't consider that "hacking".
Fern Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Update: Well, she received it! I just received email from her and she is furious!!! She, of course, blames me for everything she did. Why is it when someone gets caught cheating it's our fault?!?! Yeah, I made her do what she did and forced it. She's furious that I have all the info on her and claims I "hacked" her acct and that it's illegal and implied she may take legal action. If you leave your phone on with all the crap you've been doing at my house and use my computer to log into your personal dating site then I don't consider that "hacking". Are you going to reply? What are you gonna say if so? I'd keep it short. Something like: 'You left your account logged in on MY computer. Look up the definition of hacking. Don't contact me again.'
Country_Girl Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 She's just looking to place blame, I wouldn't even respond. If you do, I suggest what the other poster said and justify that she left it logged in, you didn't have to do anything. You are the man! I in no way get enjoyment out of your misfortune but this thread has given me a good chuckle- you handled this like a pro! Bet she feels really stupid right now. I do hope you find some peace, and she should be easy to get over with the cheating confirmations. Don't let her blame shifting get to you, you could not have prevented this.
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