irishbabe Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 I've always had trust issues with guys because when i was 7, i was molested by one. I've put it behind me though, and i've moved on. Though, understandably, this has left a few scars on me. Since then, it's been really hard for me to trust someone enough to allow myself to be in a relationship with a guy. Every time i get into one though, just as i'm about to finally trust them and develop strong feelings for them, they drop me like a stone. And every time this happens, it just seems to cut me deeper and deeper. But, i also know this is just a part of life until you meet "the one". Recently, i've gotten to know a guy at my work. We hit it off immediately and became really good buddies from the start. We could talk about anything, got along like old friends and could have a great time with each other without even trying. Long story short, everyone but myself (and i do mean EVERYONE, as in every single person with eyes who saw us) wasn't surprised when he finally asked me out after 3 months of shameless flirting and chemistry so thick you could cut it with a knife. It started out perfect: our first date lasted 10 hours and went everywhere our feet could walk us, we talked about everything under the sun, he treated me like a queen (for a first), and i could really feel some hope for there being something special with him. But the problem was, he told me he loved me on our second date. At first, i didn't believe him, which made it even suck all the more. I question him about it, and he says it was "love at first sight". I try to ask him or tell him nicely that i just can't believe that it's true. But every time i see him, he tells me he loves me one way or another, even though i don't say it back. And, i question him on how he can even be sure if it's true, and he says he's "never been more sure of anything in my life". Were young, but not so young and naive as to think that just because you like someone and there's a spark there, that were in love. We've both been hurt a lot in the past and tend to be a little more intuitive about things. At first i was afraid he was actually too imature as to not even know what love is. Then i just flat out didn't believe him. Now i don't know what to think. Is he playing a game? Is he lying to me? Or is everything he's feeling possible and he's just the kind of person whose not afraid to show how he feels? Please help me. I'm so confused and i don't know what to do. I don't know if i should just jump into this and see what happens, or if this is as crazy as it sounds and if i should just end it. Someone please throw me a line, i'm lost.
Darkangelism Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Take the risk, you can never know if you dont try.
Fedup&givingup Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Honestly, I think this guy cares for you. Just because you just started actually dating doesn't mean he can't love you. You've been developing things for 3 months or so. The whole thing sounds pure, and I'm afraid you might send this one off too. You need to be HONEST with him, and I do feel that he's being honest with you as well. Tell him why you are so precarious. Tell him what you really feel about him, too. I think this has a lot of potential, but you've got to trust this one. After all, no one was surprised that he asked you out.
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Oh, you can't "put it behind you"--it's not a weakness, your trauma is not your fault. Seek counseling, and your issues with relationships will appreciate.
moimeme Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Recently, i've gotten to know a guy at my work. We hit it off immediately and became really good buddies from the start. We could talk about anything, got along like old friends and could have a great time with each other without even trying These are all very important elements of a good relationship. It is entirely possible that he is starting to have strong feelings for you because of these things. Don't get so swept up that you agree to marry him quickly (some people do!). Enjoy getting to know him. You can ask him to tone it down a bit and give you a chance to catch up, but don't ditch him because of this. It sounds as though you two may have a great thing going!
SoleMate Posted March 22, 2004 Posted March 22, 2004 Words of love are great. I agree with the others that you have a good start. The real question is whether the ACTIONS of love are there, and whether they keep coming.
kamajerchin Posted March 23, 2004 Posted March 23, 2004 Be very careful with this guy. I think you can find things to care about in a person rather quickly but once someone says they love you they have certain expectations that you may or may not want to go along with. I am currently married to a man that I met through someone, we seemed to hit it off immediately, I had never been treated so nicely and got sucked in right away, we dated a year and during that time he was so attentive to me it was unbelievable. Nothing was to much to do for me. We got married and then everything changed. He became very controlling and suspicious, everyhting had to be his way, there are no more flowers, gifts or sex for that matter. It is now all about him and what a nightmare! There were red flags at certain times but I chose to ignore them. Anyone who falls in love to fast may be just trying to secure the deal. I don't mean to sound negative, just take you time and pay attention before you jump in with both feet.
Recommended Posts