Not comfortable with my girlfriend's past drug use, and not sure how to address it

[Lethe]

I've been dating a girl for a few months now (although it turned "official" about 3 weeks ago) and for the most part, everything is going really well. I've known her for about 3 years prior to dating her, and we had a bit of a fling way back in the day. We're both relatively recent college graduates. A variety of factors, which included one of my friends being obsessed with her and the highly aggressive way in which she pursued me initially stopped us from progressing any further. One thing she did that was a turn-off was, mere hours after meeting me, basically informing me of every bad piece of baggage she had.

 

This included having dated a heroin addict for most of her time in high school, watching helplessly as a friend of hers committed suicide by burning himself to death, as well as the drugs that she had used, which included cocaine, acid, shrooms, DXM (the stuff in robitussin), and a bunch of other things. Judging from the way she explained it, it didn't sound like these were one time experiments.

 

Fast forward and we start reconnecting over the summer, and eventually dating more seriously around November. I always had reservations about dating her not because I did not like spending time with her or felt no affection for her, but because I had some reservations about her past AND I was still getting over residual feelings from a previous relationship. Eventually I decided to give it a shot and like I said, I'm happy I did for the most part. However, I'm simply not comfortable with the fact that she has done so many drugs in the past. As far as I know, it is not an issue right now. She will occasionally smoke weed and so will I, but she claims (and all reasonable observations likewise indicate) that this is a part of her life that happened mostly in her late teens.

 

I'm posting about this here because my rational side is in conflict with what I feel are knee-jerk emotions, but the latter have been pervasive. I recognize that from a rational standpoint, this is not something that should bother me. She's not using anything now, it hasn't fundamentally altered her life in any way, and the fact that I find it so distasteful goes against many of my own attitudes towards drugs. I've never been a "straight edge" type, and am actually in favor of decriminalizing many drugs that are currently illegal. For whatever reason though, there's something about using cocaine that just seems incredibly seedy to me and I can't quite rationalize it.

 

I also can't put two and two together as to how someone like her got into it and how I for the most part stayed out of trouble in my post-adolescent life. I grew up a loner, am of above-average/borderline gifted intelligence, and was woefully unathletic and unpopular. I experienced plenty of social alienation growing up, the type of which stereotypically leads to someone getting into drugs in alter adolescence. She is a certified genius, artistically talented, athletically talented, comes from a stable, loving home, enjoys a good relationship with her parents, and has never had any shortage of friends or a social circle. The only explanation she ever gave several years back about her drug use was that she was "bored" because school was too easy for her. What on earth kind of crowd would she have to associate with to get involved with this sort of thing?

 

My concern is whether or not this is something worth discussing with her. Furthermore, I'm not sure how to approach it without making myself look like 1) insecure or 2)a control freak, or both. Has anyone else had to deal with an aspect of a significant other's past that made them extremely uncomfortable for reasons they don't entirely understand, even though it's not currently a material factor in the relationship?

 

I'm hoping someone can help me with this, especially since this isn't a post of the "my girlfriend has banged guys besides me in the past and I can't handle it omg!1!!" variety. Thanks!

[mo mo]

Listen man, and listen carefully.

 

It is possible for people to get over a drug abuse/experimentation phase in their lives. People can realize the error in their ways and completely turn things around.

 

You should not be worried about this issue right now. In fact, quite the opposite. You should be ADMIRING her for the things she went through and surviving.

 

Give her a chance. She's a keeper.

[zengirl]

It sounds like she's reflective and honest about her past. I can see no real red flags or issues with her.

 

The rest is your issue. Either change your feelings about accepting this and accept it. Or don't accept it and let her go. Whichever will make you happier.

[Lethe]

Listen man, and listen carefully.

 

It is possible for people to get over a drug abuse/experimentation phase in their lives. People can realize the error in their ways and completely turn things around.

 

You should not be worried about this issue right now. In fact, quite the opposite. You should be ADMIRING her for the things she went through and surviving.

 

Give her a chance. She's a keeper.

 

Thanks for the response. Here's the issue though. Like I said in the OP, I fully recognize from a rational perspective why this shouldn't be an issue. This doesn't change the fact that I'm still made fairly uncomfortable by it. I recognize that this is definitely more of a "me" than a "her" problem, and I wasn't implying that I want to dump her over it. I suppose my purpose in writing this thread was to help explore why it actually bothers me and how I can address it. I fully recognize that this is not really the "right" viewpoint, especially considering my own feelings about drug legalization (and their use in some forms). I suppose the reason it bothers me is because I've never met a coke user, past or present, that I could characterize as anything other a scumbag in some ways. Maybe you can attribute this to my age group, maybe not. I'm here for all the perspective on this issue that I can get. I suppose there may be some sort of paternalistic motivation for it as well.

 

Also, the use of hard drugs of any kind, past or present, was always either a major red flag or a dealbreaker in my past dating life. One problem might be that I just cannot relate to those who turn to drugs or any form of self-injury in any meaningful way. As I said in my OP, despite my stable home life, I didn't exactly grow up fortunate in any social sense. With that said, I never felt the need to do drugs because of it or for any other reason. The way I see it, I had it hard in many ways, but I didn't resort to illicit means of dealing with it. I don't view myself as an extraordinary person who is ahead of the curve in any way, so I've always been unable to fathom being romantically involved with someone who was more "messed up" than me. It's not so much that I admire or don't admire someone who went through a drug phase, it's more that I have a hard time respecting or understanding why anyone (especially someone with her background) would get into it in the first place.

[Lethe]

It sounds like she's reflective and honest about her past. I can see no real red flags or issues with her.

 

The rest is your issue. Either change your feelings about accepting this and accept it. Or don't accept it and let her go. Whichever will make you happier.

 

Well if changing it was that quick and simple, I would've done it, and thus there would have been no purpose in me starting this thread, no?

[Woggle]

Proceed carefully but giver her a chance. I know plenty of people including myself who experimented with drugs in their past and now live healthy and productive lives.

[Confusedalways]

I was in this situation once with a less hard drug.

 

I was open and honest- I basically said exactly what you wrote- that I knew he wasn't doing it anymore, but it still makes me feel like I didn't know a significant part of him.

 

I told him I was really not familiar with the drug but my impression of it was XYZ. He made sure I understand where he was coming from at that age, his thought process, what he went through, how it impacted him, etc.

 

I felt TONS better by just talking about it. I don't think it's something you should ignore.

 

edit: It's not to say I felt "great" about it when we were done talking about it, but I felt the line of communications were open so he could come to me if he ever felt the need to do it again, etc. It made me feel much better about it in general, though.

[Lethe]

I was in this situation once with a less hard drug.

 

I was open and honest- I basically said exactly what you wrote- that I knew he wasn't doing it anymore, but it still makes me feel like I didn't know a significant part of him.

 

I told him I was really not familiar with the drug but my impression of it was XYZ. He made sure I understand where he was coming from at that age, his thought process, what he went through, how it impacted him, etc.

 

I felt TONS better by just talking about it. I don't think it's something you should ignore.

 

edit: It's not to say I felt "great" about it when we were done talking about it, but I felt the line of communications were open so he could come to me if he ever felt the need to do it again, etc. It made me feel much better about it in general, though.

 

Now we're getting somewhere.

 

As you could have probably deduced, the hallucinogenics are not an issue with me, but the coke is. Unlike you, however, I very much am familiar with the latter because I've had numerous acquaintances who used it fairly regularly. I know its physiological effects and have witnessed the way its used and while that is seedy enough, just as questionable is the company one keeps to have consistent access to it and to have others with which to use it. I just don't have the ability to perceive how or why people willingly put themselves in these compromising positions. And quite frankly, my girlfriend's explanation of "being bored" because "school was too easy" just doesn't cut it for me.

 

I do admit that I'm not particularly good at seeing people only in the present. I tend to evaluate and judge people based on the totality of their lives, and I generally expect others to similarly evaluate me. I don't view my girlfriend as a terrible or fundamentally damaged person because of this, but it still bothers me. And the fact that it bothers me bothers me (if that makes any sense), because it offends my rationality.

[Sabali]

OP, you seem insightful and reflective.

 

Good for you.

 

Your gut is telling you to take a step back and evaluate. You are listening.

 

Good for you.

 

 

Your girlfriend has a past that goes beyond simple drug experimentation. She has basically run the drug gamut and her pattern of drug use makes her " very special."

 

This is nothing to toss aside.

 

First, if you had unprotected sex with her, now is the time to get yourself checked for a battery of STDs which include human papillomavirus, syphilis, HIV, and HSV-2. I have never met a woman who has this sort of drug record that didn't screw a whole army battalion during one night of being beamed up to Scottie. Seriously, get checked out and if you have not had sex yet, insist that she gets checked out before engaging in sex and make sure the tests include the listed bugs above. No exceptions.

 

I completely agree with you on evaluating a person on the "totality of their lives." This is wise. While, many make mistakes in their lives and do change for the better, there are certain "mistakes" people make that really say a lot about who they are even though they do improve in some aspects of their lives.

 

This woman not only messed around with major drugs including "sipping syrup," she dated a heroin addict. She dated the most hardcore drug addict that exists. Heroin addicts will rip out their own @$$holes in order to sell it to buy heroin and you girlfriend was dating this type of guy in high school...in high school.

 

Experiences such as what you listed stick to a person in some form or another and leaves an imprint for life! Her experiences have burned an imprint in her mind that will never leave her. Trust me, this woman will slowly unravel all of her demons on you and drag you down to hell. I bet you if you really think about it, you have seen present red flags. I bet you that you see red flags now but did not post them because you did not want any responders to get distracted by them and want them to simply focus on her past. Those red flags are real, my friend. Very real.

 

In any event, your gut instincts are telling you to jump ship. Not only is your gut advising you to jump ship, I am advising you to do so as well.So which of us will you listen to?

[Confusedalways]

Now we're getting somewhere.

 

As you could have probably deduced, the hallucinogenics are not an issue with me, but the coke is. Unlike you, however, I very much am familiar with the latter because I've had numerous acquaintances who used it fairly regularly. I know its physiological effects and have witnessed the way its used and while that is seedy enough, just as questionable is the company one keeps to have consistent access to it and to have others with which to use it. I just don't have the ability to perceive how or why people willingly put themselves in these compromising positions. And quite frankly, my girlfriend's explanation of "being bored" because "school was too easy" just doesn't cut it for me.

 

I do admit that I'm not particularly good at seeing people only in the present. I tend to evaluate and judge people based on the totality of their lives, and I generally expect others to similarly evaluate me. I don't view my girlfriend as a terrible or fundamentally damaged person because of this, but it still bothers me. And the fact that it bothers me bothers me (if that makes any sense), because it offends my rationality.

 

The fact that you are acquainted with it doesn't change the general message of my post- you need to talk to her about it. It will eat you away, slowly but surely. Obviously it is bugging you, and you need to express this to her.

 

Tell her exactly how you feel. Dig deeper. If her reasons don't cut it for you, press for me. Communication is extremely important, as I'm sure you know.

 

FWIW I'm the same way in terms of judging people from their past. There isn't a delicate way to bring this up. I don't think talking to her about it makes you a control freak, though. I think part of knowing somebody is knowing things about her past, and her reasons for doing them.

 

You seem like a nice guy- and I don't see how asking or speaking to her about this would be a problem.

[Lethe]

OP, you seem insightful and reflective.

 

Good for you.

 

Your gut is telling you to take a step back and evaluate. You are listening.

 

Good for you.

 

 

Your girlfriend has a past that goes beyond simple drug experimentation. She has basically run the drug gamut and her pattern of drug use makes her " very special."

 

This is nothing to toss aside.

 

First, if you had unprotected sex with her, now is the time to get yourself checked for a battery of STDs which include human papillomavirus, syphilis, HIV, and HSV-2. I have never met a woman who has this sort of drug record that didn't screw a whole army battalion during one night of being beamed up to Scottie. Seriously, get checked out and if you have not had sex yet, insist that she gets checked out before engaging in sex and make sure the tests include the listed bugs above. No exceptions.

 

I completely agree with you on evaluating a person on the "totality of their lives." This is wise. While, many make mistakes in their lives and do change for the better, there are certain "mistakes" people make that really say a lot about who they are even though they do improve in some aspects of their lives.

 

This woman not only messed around with major drugs including "sipping syrup," she dated a heroin addict. She dated the most hardcore drug addict that exists. Heroin addicts will rip out their own @$$holes in order to sell it to buy heroin and you girlfriend was dating this type of guy in high school...in high school.

 

Experiences such as what you listed stick to a person in some form or another and leaves an imprint for life! Her experiences have burned an imprint in her mind that will never leave her. Trust me, this woman will slowly unravel all of her demons on you and drag you down to hell. I bet you if you really think about it, you have seen present red flags. I bet you that you see red flags now but did not post them because you did not want any responders to get distracted by them and want them to simply focus on her past. Those red flags are real, my friend. Very real.

 

In any event, your gut instincts are telling you to jump ship. Not only is your gut advising you to jump ship, I am advising you to do so as well.So which of us will you listen to?

 

Duuuuuuude. I have to admit I was not expecting a response like this. Even though your post was pretty long and articulate (in a good way), there's a few things I'd like you to elaborate on, if you don't mind of course.

 

First, do you speak from experience?

 

Second, we've been having sex since August, and it's been unprotected (she's on the pill) since November. I don't believe I've caught anything but it never hurts to check.

 

Third, tell me more about this "lifelong imprinting." I'm fairly skeptical of this.

[Sabali]

Third, tell me more about this "lifelong imprinting." I'm fairly skeptical of this.

 

So you don't think someone can date a heroin addict, abuse dextromethorphan from cough syrup, cocaine and "a bunch of other things" and it not leave a negative imprint in them for the rest of their life?

 

Oh, my friend, you are in for a world of hurt. A whole world of hurt.

 

Well, there is no way I am going to convince you. All I ask is that no matter how much you are going to hurt in the future, please let me know how this turns out. That's all I ask.

 

It took 10 minutes of my life that I will never get back to write that post in effort to offer a helping hand and all I ask in return is that you spend half of that time letting me know how this turns out in the end.

 

In any event, get the HIV and HSV-2 tests. Those viruses can lie dormant in the body for quite some time without manifesting themselves. I don't want to scare you but I don't want you passing this on to someone I will potentially bang in the future.

 

Good luck!

[Lethe]

So you don't think someone can date a heroin addict, abuse dextromethorphan from cough syrup, cocaine and "a bunch of other things" and it not leave a negative imprint in them for the rest of their life?

 

Oh, my friend, you are in for a world of hurt. A whole world of hurt.

 

Well, there is no way I am going to convince you. All I ask is that no matter how much you are going to hurt in the future, please let me know how this turns out. That's all I ask.

 

It took 10 minutes of my life that I will never get back to write that post in effort to offer a helping hand and all I ask in return is that you spend half of that time letting me know how this turns out in the end.

 

In any event, get the HIV and HSV-2 tests. Those viruses can lie dormant in the body for quite some time without manifesting themselves. I don't want to scare you but I don't want you passing this on to someone I will potentially bang in the future.

 

Good luck!

 

Well like I said previously, there is a big part of me that sympathizes with your viewpoint and is inclined to agree. This is my "gut." I only asked you to explain a little further because so far in this thread, you are alone in this opinion. Everyone else seems to think that one can do the things you said above and not have it be a major issue in dating, as long as "it's in the past." Although I've had a decent amount of flings in my life, the only other person I dated in my life long-term was not the same as this girl in terms of drugs or life experiences.

 

I guess I'm wondering if you have any previous experience, whether your own or from someone you know, in which this past behavior manifested as negative behavior in the present.

 

I also find it interesting that you seem more disturbed by the DXM use than the cocaine use. Interesting how perspectives differ.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Well, I used to be a heroin addict. I also did every other drug that was invented at the time, as well as lots of other self destructive behavior.

 

My ex husband was a junkie who couldn't "stay stopped," thus our divorce.

 

I have been clean and sober for 23 years.

 

I expected my past to be a deal breaker for many men when I went back into dating. I ended up with a man who had a very sheltered and conservative upbringing. He knows my whole story and accepts me for who I am now.

 

Granted, there has been much more time between my transgressions and today than your young girlfriend has had. I have had 23 full years to develop myself as a woman who does not dabble on the dark side that way. Nobody who knows me can even believe my story when I tell it to them (which I don't often, unless I believe that it can help someone who is in difficulties).

 

I guess what I want to tell you is that a person CAN leave that kind of thing behind. I do not think you are required to be able to accept it - though I believe you went into this with your eyes open, since you've known her for years. I am certain that you owe it to her and to yourself to cut it off sooner rather than later if it's going to torture you - and in turn, probably, her.

[Lethe]

Well, I used to be a heroin addict. I also did every other drug that was invented at the time, as well as lots of other self destructive behavior.

 

My ex husband was a junkie who couldn't "stay stopped," thus our divorce.

 

I have been clean and sober for 23 years.

 

I expected my past to be a deal breaker for many men when I went back into dating. I ended up with a man who had a very sheltered and conservative upbringing. He knows my whole story and accepts me for who I am now.

 

Granted, there has been much more time between my transgressions and today than your young girlfriend has had. I have had 23 full years to develop myself as a woman who does not dabble on the dark side that way. Nobody who knows me can even believe my story when I tell it to them (which I don't often, unless I believe that it can help someone who is in difficulties).

 

I guess what I want to tell you is that a person CAN leave that kind of thing behind. I do not think you are required to be able to accept it - though I believe you went into this with your eyes open, since you've known her for years. I am certain that you owe it to her and to yourself to cut it off sooner rather than later if it's going to torture you - and in turn, probably, her.

 

Yep, and here's where my rational side lines up with what you say. My girlfriend was never even an addict. She simply went through a phase during which I know these drugs were used. I'm assuming from the few times she's spoken about it that it was from between 6 months to a year or so.

[carhill]

I have been clean and sober for 23 years.

Congratulations on your achievement.

 

With that in mind, at what point in your recovery could you use marijuana without feeling any tug to the dark side, or is that relevant?

 

I'm not familiar with the drug culture, but do know a bit about alcoholism and I wouldn't feel comfortable tossing back some shots with an alcoholic in recovery. I'd be strictly a ginger ale guy. Perhaps there's no crossover in analogy, but that was my concern in the initial read; the current and active shared use of a mind-altering substance by someone with a former, and apparently quite serious, addiction. Comments are appreciated.

 

I echo the advice regarding STD panels for both parties.

[Lethe]

Congratulations on your achievement.

 

With that in mind, at what point in your recovery could you use marijuana without feeling any tug to the dark side, or is that relevant?

 

I'm not familiar with the drug culture, but do know a bit about alcoholism and I wouldn't feel comfortable tossing back some shots with an alcoholic in recovery. I'd be strictly a ginger ale guy. Perhaps there's no crossover in analogy, but that was my concern in the initial read; the current and active shared use of a mind-altering substance by someone with a former, and apparently quite serious, addiction. Comments are appreciated.

 

I echo the advice regarding STD panels for both parties.

 

If you're referring to my OP, my girlfriend, as far as I know, was not addicted to anything.

[carhill]

I'll defer to those more knowledgeable about drug use/addiction but I can say, from my vast experiences with alcoholics, they lie. My friends have grandchildren your age and, of those who do use drugs, they lie too. They've lied right to my face.

 

Not saying your GF is lying, but a lifetime of experience tells me 'one-time' is likely very creative truth.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Congratulations on your achievement.

 

Thank you very much.

 

With that in mind, at what point in your recovery could you use marijuana without feeling any tug to the dark side, or is that relevant?

 

NEVER. I am completely "clean and sober" every day. I was not actually an alcoholic (I abused alcohol mainly just because I wanted to be high someway as frequently as possible, and that was a handy method) but when I got clean, I never touched it. Perhaps I could have a glass of wine or a beer like a regular person - but I don't want to find out.

 

 

I'm not familiar with the drug culture, but do know a bit about alcoholism and I wouldn't feel comfortable tossing back some shots with an alcoholic in recovery. I'd be strictly a ginger ale guy. Perhaps there's no crossover in analogy, but that was my concern in the initial read; the current and active shared use of a mind-altering substance by someone with a former, and apparently quite serious, addiction. Comments are appreciated.

 

I agree heartily. Even if she wasn't an addict, OP, I think it might be a bit hypocritical for you to consider dumping her for her past drug use and still get stoned with her. I'm not saying that pot is going to trigger her to resume her past ways, but it would not be advisable IMO.

 

I echo the advice regarding STD panels for both parties.

 

HUGE big deal, especially with the heroin addict ex boyfriend. Probably IV drug user, and a prime candidate for something you would not like to have.

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'll defer to those more knowledgeable about drug use/addiction but I can say, from my vast experiences with alcoholics, they lie.

 

I lied so much. I was really good at it, too. Nobody knew what I was up to, unless they were up to it with me.

[Lethe]

 

I agree heartily. Even if she wasn't an addict, OP, I think it might be a bit hypocritical for you to consider dumping her for her past drug use and still get stoned with her. I'm not saying that pot is going to trigger her to resume her past ways, but it would not be advisable IMO.

 

 

 

HUGE big deal, especially with the heroin addict ex boyfriend. Probably IV drug user, and a prime candidate for something you would not like to have.

 

I'm sorry but I don't think it would be hypocritical. There is a HUGE difference between weed and coke/robo-tripping/ecstacy/etc both in terms of physical harm, potential for dependency, social harm, the reasons that people use them, and the crowds that each attract. I thankfully am not brainwashed by D.A.R.E. so I know the difference.

 

And I will look into the STD thing. I haven't had that done in a long while. With that said, however, all three of her previous boyfriends (save for High School Guy) came from more or less the same wide circle of acquaintances. I reckon that something would've gotten around about her having STDs by now if that was the case. People aren't exactly shy about outing those who have STDs. Either way, I'm checking it out.

Edited January 25, 2011 by Lethe

[Mme. Chaucer]

I'm sorry but I don't think it would be hypocritical. There is a HUGE difference between weed and coke/robo-tripping/ecstacy/etc both in terms of physical harm, potential for dependency, social harm, the reasons that people use them, and the crowds that each attract. I thankfully am not brainwashed by D.A.R.E. so I know the difference.

 

I also am not "brainwashed by D.A.R.E"

 

I'm not "against" pot personally. I do absolutely believe that a person who has had struggles with drug use is pretty likely on shaky ground if they smoke pot, just like a person who is an alcoholic is if they think they can just have a beer.

 

It does appear hypocritical for you to have issues about her past drug use and still get high with her, whether YOU think it is or not.

 

Anyway, good luck.

[Lethe]

I also am not "brainwashed by D.A.R.E"

 

I'm not "against" pot personally. I do absolutely believe that a person who has had struggles with drug use is pretty likely on shaky ground if they smoke pot, just like a person who is an alcoholic is if they think they can just have a beer.

 

It does appear hypocritical for you to have issues about her past drug use and still get high with her, whether YOU think it is or not.

 

Anyway, good luck.

 

Again, maybe I completely mischaracterized what was going on. I was not aware that the way I described my girlfriend's drug history would be perceived as addiction or a struggle of some sort. Again, she could be completely lying to me about what actually happened in her past, but like I said, we have the same wide circle of acquaintances and I haven't heard anything about any trips to rehab nor seen clear signs of addiction, and believe me, I can spot someone who is using after being around them for as long as I have been. I never got (nor did I pry for) exact numbers of each time she did anything, but it seemed to me like a lot of it was done more than once but never constituted an addiction.

 

I feel like more of this would have came out by now because she has already confided similarly sensitive information. For example, she has ADHD and was prescribed Adderall for a while. She felt that it was ultimately hurting rather than helping her academic performance so she stopped taking them last month after consulting with her psychiatrist. It produced some mild to moderate withdrawal effects and I was there to help her through a lot of it. Her ADHD had previously compounded anxiety issues, and she had no problem telling me this stuff.

 

To be totally honest, I was expecting to be raked over coals for making this thread, as this board is (from what I have seen so far) really big on focusing on a person's present rather than their past. The majority of these responses are basically either implying or saying outright that my girlfriend was/still is an addict, potentially lying about it, and refusing to disclose potential STDs. It's been eye-opening to say the least.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Now you appear to be minimizing her drug adventures. Your post was expressing concern about the excess.

 

I certainly am not going to label her an addict. It's pretty much beside the point, anyway.

 

All you need to do is to get right with YOURSELF and how you feel about this girl's past. If you are not going to accept it, let her move on to someone who will. And find someone with a past that does not bother you.

 

If you can deal with it (and NEVER use it against her, ever) then have a good time together.

[zengirl]

Well if changing it was that quick and simple, I would've done it, and thus there would have been no purpose in me starting this thread, no?

 

When did I say it was quick and easy? I just said it was a choice. Most of the important choices we make in life, and their resulting steps, are rarely quick and easy. Doesn't make them any less in our control. Nothing good in life is quick and easy.