Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 What types of women do you find most likely to cheat? Common personality traits? Common jobs, or attitudes? Do women of certain political persuasions tend to cheat more? For example I've found that women with lots of close male friends cheat like crazy.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Most of the girls I know who've cheated are overly romantic (in an expecting everything to be sweeping and grand sort of way) and at the same time overly critical. I cannot think of any other commonalities. Some are pretty; some are not. Some are introverted; some are extroverted. All different professions. Some of them didn't even dig sex that much. For example I've found that women with lots of close male friends cheat like crazy. Really? All the women I've known with close male friends have never cheated. Some of my female friends who only see male attention as romantic have.
muse08 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Wow, this is a funny thread...lol. Not sure if there's a way to screen female cheaters. If she's: ~unhappy due to not being treated like a queen ~being neglected by her man ~abused by her man ~no longer attracted to her man's appearance AND PERSONALITY ~or she's just a no good, superficial, gold digging scum w/no conscience... I think that pretty much sums it up.
Mangomonkey Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 In both threads. Judging from what other people have put. well just certain posters can't think of who. The reason cheating happens with Women is because its the man's fault. And the reason cheating happen with men is because its the man's fault. Hope the sums everything up.
january2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 In my experience, it's also about opportunity as well as getting something from the AP that she doesn't get from her current partner.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 In both threads. Judging from what other people have put. well just certain posters can't think of who. The reason cheating happens with Women is because its the man's fault. And the reason cheating happen with men is because its the man's fault. Hope the sums everything up. Disagree. Cheating is *always* the cheater's fault. However, with things that are not repeat cheaters, I do think the other partner/a dysfunctional relationship can factor in, motivation-wise. Doesn't make it the other partner's "fault" (unless they are abusive and scarying the cheater into not leaving them by physical violence or something, maybe but that's a hugely extreme case).
SteveC80 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 any women could cheat if she met the right man in terms of types,middle aged women who are tired of f'ing their husbands and want to see if the opposite sex still finds them attractive
Lemontang Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I can't really say there is a type, different scenarios can lead people to make poor choices. But from my experience bogun/redneck alcoholics tend to fit the bill pretty easily. And by all accounts I'm certainly not being elitist by saying that.
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I've got around 20 datapoints, and the most overriding commonalities I can recall is that they all have been mothers (likely insignificant) and many were abused/molested as children (perhaps more significant). No relevant socio-economic, religious or marital patterns. Most who are still married have been married over 20 years. PA's and EA's are pretty even but some of the PA's were also EA's. All have been in the workplace in varying capacities. Some are high school graduates. Some are post-graduates and everything in between. No real educational commonalities I can discern. Substance abuse has been involved in a couple cases, perhaps incidentally, but worth mentioning. I would opine, although I consider it to be a breach of marital trust and commitment, most of those who had EA's with me likely would not consider their indiscretions to be 'affairs' because, in the real world, IME, most people I know consider dickinsider to be cheating and it takes multiple dickinsider to be an affair, meaning a PA. Me hearing 'I love you' and a person's private marital bedroom business, even over months or years, likely would not be considered to be any sort of cheating by those involved. Such is the nature of the beast. It's 'situational' and subject to 'explanation'. Some have been relative strangers, others I've known for years. One, chronicled in my journals, was a long-time love interest of mine. Some have shocked me with their revelations; others I found to be no surprise at all. My conclusion is there is no conclusion
refurb Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 You need to look further than just how she behaves in a relationship... Does she put other people ahead of herself? Not because it makes her look better, but because she genuinely cares about others? How does she treat her friends? Does she have good impulse control? Is she generally responsible (money, job, time-wise)? Does she often make excuses for her behavior or blame others? RF
Woggle Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 It's usually the feminist types who think men are trash and therefore don't feel any guilt about treating them like trash. If you look at many cheating women there is a complete lack of remorse.
Mangomonkey Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My post was sarcastic if anyone was wondering. My description is based off of seeing that the reasons for women to cheat is because their man is doing something wrong. Where as a man would cheat because of his own ego, self-pity, lack of self-control, etc. In all honesty i don't care. I just go with the flow.
Woggle Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Another red flag are women that constantly complain about sexual double standards and seem to have the what's good for the good is good for the gander mentality.
Alma Mobley Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Women with low self-esteem who seek outside validation to feel their worth usually turn into cheaters, IME.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Most of the girls I know who've cheated are overly romantic (in an expecting everything to be sweeping and grand sort of way) and at the same time overly critical. I cannot think of any other commonalities. Some are pretty; some are not. Some are introverted; some are extroverted. All different professions. Some of them didn't even dig sex that much. Really? All the women I've known with close male friends have never cheated. Some of my female friends who only see male attention as romantic have. They more than likely cheated but just never told you. Seriously, women with lots of male friends are often serial cheaters. Close opposite sex friends are often the starting point for cheating. The guys are usually hanging around because they have an interest in her. Unless the guys are gay... or physically ugly... good odds that she is a cheat. Wow, this is a funny thread...lol. Not sure if there's a way to screen female cheaters. If she's: ~unhappy due to not being treated like a queen - mans fault? ~being neglected by her man - mans fault? ~abused by her man - mans fault? ~no longer attracted to her man's appearance AND PERSONALITY - mans fault? ~or she's just a no good, superficial, gold digging scum w/no conscience... - Her fault I think that pretty much sums it up. So... unless she is a really bad person... it's always going to be the mans fault for not being good enough?
nittygritty Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Women who grew up with a mother or father that cheated.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 What about - Sexually experienced? A woman who has had an active sex life, or who has had numerous sex partners before settling down will find it hard to stay faithful to one man.
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Seriously, women with lots of male friends are often serial cheaters. Close opposite sex friends are often the starting point for cheating. The guys are usually hanging around because they have an interest in her. Unless the guys are gay... or physically ugly... good odds that she is a cheat. While I might agree that most guys are hanging around to see if maybe one day she'll give him a chance, not all women who have a lot of male friends are cheaters. I have quite a few, and I've never cheated. I'm not saying that I'm perfect and never will. I seriously doubt it though. But I realize that sometimes in relationships people can still feel alone and they make poor decisions when they expect someone else to make them feel better about themselves.
Jannah Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The type would be someone who is inherently selfish, callous, narcissistic, critical, controlling and domineering. Same applies for the question posted in the male version thread.
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Not indicative of a pattern but all my partners, including my exW, had partner counts far greater than my own, in my exW's case a magnitude greater, and I'm not aware of any of them cheating physically in the relationships or marriage. EA's- unknown but probably likely. Aproximately 20% of the datapoints had/have been married to the same person since they were teenagers, so a high partner count could be possible, but probably unlikely since such a person, if acting like that at a young age, would probably not get married, barring pregnancy, which I know wasn't a factor in any of the cases (no 'shotgun' weddings). Regarding parent's cheating, mothers were a factor for sure in three of the datapoints. In fact a cheating mother and distant father seemed to be clear commonalities. Perhaps the psychology is one of emulating the mother and chasing the father's love through other men. TBH, though it has been painful being a tampon, I'm amazed at some of the stuff women have shared with me and the tears shed and the hurt vomited out, and not just about marriages. It's really been an eye opener. I lived a relatively stable and sheltered life so much of it was, frankly, shocking. I hope they find some peace....
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Personally, of the women I've known who cheated they weren't necessarily bad people. Usually there was neglect or abuse or both. Although a few seemed to bolster themselves up from having no self esteem to a fairly high disregard for their significant others as if the guy deserved it. Although to be honest, a couple did. They were just mean men. I wouldn't stick around to cheat, I'd just leave though.
lino Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 From what I've seen, the women that most commonly cheat are those who constantly are in contact with and/or in the company of several men who are 'just friends.' These 'friends' usually are never around when said woman's boyfriend is around... unsurprisingly. These types of women see men merely as a commodity rather than a partner.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 While I might agree that most guys are hanging around to see if maybe one day she'll give him a chance, not all women who have a lot of male friends are cheaters. I have quite a few, and I've never cheated. I'm not saying that I'm perfect and never will. I seriously doubt it though. But I realize that sometimes in relationships people can still feel alone and they make poor decisions when they expect someone else to make them feel better about themselves. The question is... Why? Why do you have a high number of male friends? Chances are you will cheat at some point. From what I've seen, the women that most commonly cheat are those who constantly are in contact with and/or in the company of several men who are 'just friends.' These 'friends' usually are never around when said woman's boyfriend is around... unsurprisingly. These types of women see men merely as a commodity rather than a partner. Agreed. They Crave male attention. Personally, of the women I've known who cheated they weren't necessarily bad people. Usually there was neglect or abuse or both. Although a few seemed to bolster themselves up from having no self esteem to a fairly high disregard for their significant others as if the guy deserved it. Although to be honest, a couple did. They were just mean men. I wouldn't stick around to cheat, I'd just leave though. You are just making excuses. Cheating is BAD. Who does bad things?... bad people of course. We are judged by our actions... and some actions are so bad they override whatever positives we may have. Cheating is like that. Nobody made those women cheat. I suppose you can go ahead and blame the guy... say he deserved it... if that makes you feel better. I would be shocked if you don't start cheating at some point in the future. The only thing you really need is opportunity... and I'm sure at some point you will create it.
elastica Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Personally, of the women I've known who cheated they weren't necessarily bad people. Usually there was neglect or abuse or both. Although a few seemed to bolster themselves up from having no self esteem to a fairly high disregard for their significant others as if the guy deserved it. Although to be honest, a couple did. They were just mean men. I wouldn't stick around to cheat, I'd just leave though. I totally agree with this, and I am very much suprised by comments from men in this thread. I mean guys, are you being serious? That women who have "a lot of male friends at work" and had "a lot of sexual partners" are most likely to cheat?? I seriously don't know what to say. It seems to me that you fail to realize the simple fact that women and men are different, and therefore they cheat for different reasons (at least in my opinion). OP, if you are truly interested in women-cheaters, try observing the shy and reserved ones. I would really like to share some stories with you right now about women I know who cheated.... Maybe I will, if I have the time. And yes, these women do need help/therapy because of past neglect, physical/verbal abuse, molestation, rape, and who knows what else.... All these things are way more common than you think. Probably you also know (either as family, or friend) at least one female who has been abused. But of course, you don't know she has been abused. And sadly, it is not unusual that past abuse leads to cheating behaviour. I have worked with abused women and my experience tells me that past abuse, although sometimes does result in abusive behaviour, is more common to produce repression of feelings and fear in women for long term, that does in fact lead to cheating. E.g. a woman is afraid to discuss past abuse with her boyfriend. No matter how good the communication is between them. She wants to talk to him about this, but she fears that he will despise her. Finally she destroys the relationship by cheating. But this is just one example, and yes, I am talking about real life women, not about a fictional character from a movie. Also, let me quickly add that I am not defending cheaters here!
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 a woman is afraid to discuss past abuse with her boyfriend. No matter how good the communication is between them. She wants to talk to him about this, but she fears that he will despise her. Finally she destroys the relationship by cheating. One datapoint did share certain painful circumstances of molestation with myself, circumstances which she said she had never shared with her husband nor her father. Since I know both extremely well and for many years, I found that shocking. She was the datapoint where I had strong boundaries to her advances and re-focused her on her M and suggested counseling. She had a prior PA with someone else. Married 22 years. At this juncture, the M continues. OP, if you are truly interested in women-cheaters, try observing the shy and reserved ones Now, that's a perspective that I hadn't considered and I thank you for bringing it up. I'll review and add as appropriate. I can say that the one huge datapoint, one who I was intimately involved with for a long period, did in fact present this *appearance* to the world, though with this subtle yet consistent sexual vibe. It ate me up and spit me out, as well as many other men, and continues to do so to this day. Interesting.
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