Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I think men who are involved in bands go at the top of this list. Maybe Athletes too. Anything from experience that might be some commonalities? Any stereotypes that are true? Or that you have found to be false?
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Musicians and athletes (famous ones) are just guys who have a lot of opportunity to cheat. The guys most likely to cheat, IMO, especially repeatedly, are (a) the ones who fetishize or objectify women and (b) the ones who wallow in self-pity. Self-pity is a big sign! Of course, they'd need to be given opportunity.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 If he's the type of guy that women seem to love...
Mad Max Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 IMO, the ones that are most likely to cheat are 1)The best looking ones and 2)Ones with extremely high status. But it all depends on how one was raised. I know I would never cheat, regardless of what I look like.
Author Untouchable_Fire Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 If he's the type of guy that women seem to love... Agreed... but those are the guys women go after the most.
tigressA Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The guys most likely to cheat, IMO, especially repeatedly, are (a) the ones who fetishize or objectify women and (b) the ones who wallow in self-pity. Self-pity is a big sign! Of course, they'd need to be given opportunity. I agree with this, particularly the bold as my cheating ex displayed that quality in spades. He even expected me to feel bad for him when he confessed his betrayal to me.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Agreed... but those are the guys women go after the most. And there's the problem. All women go after him, so he has more options and is more likely to stray. The guys who are less likely to cheat, are the guys who don't have women crawling all over him.
USMCHokie Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 And there's the problem. All women go after him, so he has more options and is more likely to stray. The guys who are less likely to cheat, are the guys who don't have women crawling all over him. So is this one of the reasons why people (regardless of gender) "class down" in dating...?
january2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 In my experience, successful ones, very sociable ones/large social network, and ones who have access to a lot of available women. Agree with zengirl about opportunity being one of the biggest factors.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Agree with zengirl about opportunity being one of the biggest factors. Did I come off that way? I actually don't think opportunity is one of the biggest factors. I think it's necessary, but so is . . . "motive" (not really motive, but the choice, I guess). I think there are a lot of men -- and there are a lot of women too -- who wouldn't, regardless of opportunity. To me, the opportunity is a nonfactor. If the only reason my BF wasn't cheating on me was a lack of opportunity? Well, at that point, he might as well cheat on me.
muse08 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 If he: ~Has no conscience ~Was not raised to respect women;or threw his upbringing out the window ~Low self esteem ~Little self-control ~Thinks he can get away with it ~perhaps this is...70% of all men...?
Mad Max Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Opportunity comes with the territory. If you're good looking or have high status, opportunity will come naturally.
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Of my actual datapoints of men who have cheated, including myself, I'm shocked at the vast disparity of circumstances and psychologies, few of which have aligned with classical stereotypes of groups who cheat. I'm only aware of one, the classic good-looking player personality type, whose infidelities and general disrespect for committed relationships are no surprise. Of the actual datapoints, most of them have been otherwise solid blue-collar working guys with solid families and strong work ethic; a couple are white collar, in lower management positions. One works in the medical field. I'm a small business owner with no prior history of infidelity but having prior had admittedly weak boundaries as a single man with married women, though no PA's. Other than the guy in the medical field and the 'player', both of whom most women would find attractive, all of us are 'normal' guys, of average looks and monetary success. Regular folks. The marriages have ranged from under five years to 22 years in length. In some instances, the wives have also cheated. I don't know anyone in the stereotypical infidelity categories, like celebrities, politicians, athletes, traveling salespeople, etc. No datapoints there...
january2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Did I come off that way? I actually don't think opportunity is one of the biggest factors. I think it's necessary, but so is . . . "motive" (not really motive, but the choice, I guess). I think there are a lot of men -- and there are a lot of women too -- who wouldn't, regardless of opportunity. To me, the opportunity is a nonfactor. If the only reason my BF wasn't cheating on me was a lack of opportunity? Well, at that point, he might as well cheat on me. You did. In which case, I misread your post. I believe that opportunity is a big factor but that's based on anecdata and not empirical evidence.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Of my actual datapoints of men who have cheated, including myself, I'm shocked at the vast disparity of circumstances and psychologies, few of which have aligned with classical stereotypes of groups who cheat. I'm only aware of one, the classic good-looking player personality type, whose infidelities and general disrespect for committed relationships are no surprise. Of the actual datapoints, most of them have been otherwise solid blue-collar working guys with solid families and strong work ethic; a couple are white collar, in lower management positions. One works in the medical field. I'm a small business owner with no prior history of infidelity but having prior had admittedly weak boundaries as a single man with married women, though no PA's. Other than the guy in the medical field and the 'player', both of whom most women would find attractive, all of us are 'normal' guys, of average looks and monetary success. Regular folks. The marriages have ranged from under five years to 22 years in length. In some instances, the wives have also cheated. I don't know anyone in the stereotypical infidelity categories, like celebrities, politicians, athletes, traveling salespeople, etc. No datapoints there... carhill, if you don't mind me asking, did you cheat physically or just have an EA? I remember you mentioning the EA, but I must admit I'm surprised if you slept with someone while in a relationship. (If you do mind me asking, my apologies.)
cerridwen Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The stereotype of the cheating athlete (college and pro) I have found to be very true. From my experience, I've found much of what muse08 said is spot on. Commonalities: Has a fundamental lack of respect for womenLow self esteemLittle conscienceThinks he can get away with it Add to it: Easily and regularly objectifies womenSense of entitlementExtremely high sex driveHas friends who cheat or who don't think it's a big deal
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 carhill, if you don't mind me asking, did you cheat physically or just have an EA? I remember you mentioning the EA, but I must admit I'm surprised if you slept with someone while in a relationship. (If you do mind me asking, my apologies.) No apologies necessary as I've been quite open about my affair here and the details of the partner and our history (she was a prior MW many years ago) are contained in my journals. Ours was an long-term EA, totaling about ten years active over 25 years. She had PA's with other men during the 20 or so years she was married. The good-looking 'player' is her current BF. It all works out
Mad Max Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I remember in the past when I was in a relationship and I was with some guy friends, they would look at me like I had three heads when I turned down some woman's advances. Needless to say, I'm no longer friends with them. As for the athlete thing, I only know of one that was faithful and stood by it: Doug Christie
Eeyore79 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 In my experience, guys in bands are the worst for cheating. It fuels their ego and makes them feel like a proper rock star when groupies fawn over them, and such guys often have a big ego to satisfy! They also have a lot of opportunity to cheat, so it's the worst combination of circumstances really.
zengirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Thanks for the clarification, carhill. Sense of entitlement Has friends who cheat or who don't think it's a big deal Sorry to cut up your post, but I think these two are really worth repeating. Definitely have noticed these commonalities. Though I would change the "or" to "and." My BF has some friends who cheat, but it bothers him (I am the same; it's not something I'd end a friendship over, so I understand it). . . but if a guy has friends that cheat and he isn't bothered by it/sees it as no big deal, big red flag. Sense of entitlement? Bang on.
sweetjasmine Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The guys most likely to cheat, IMO, especially repeatedly, are (a) the ones who fetishize or objectify women and (b) the ones who wallow in self-pity. Agreed, and I'd add, in general, men with weak boundaries. In my experience, men with low self-esteem appear to be a little more likely to cheat since they jump at any kind of female attention (same with low self-esteem women who crave male attention, really). Other than that, I don't know. There are similarities among the people I've seen in real life, but that's not much data.
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I can't speak for the other guys, as men rarely discuss their emotions or infidelities, but, in my own case, at the point of breakage, my boundaries were definitely weak, something which had never happened in any prior intimate relationship. Another significant factor which IMO weakened them further was the marital dynamic, which was bringing back painful memories of hurtful behaviors from women in my past. In my case, I didn't respond to any particular female attention, and actually had resisted attention numerous times from MW's during our M, but proactively sought out someone with I had experienced a pronounced and valued (if unhealthily) connection in the past. The psychology was one of desperation, something I had never experienced prior. This likely mirrored many of the women in my past who had sought me out for EA's, as their dynamics clearly indicated desperation, whether for love, attention, validation or simply a shoulder to cry on. I can't specifically recall a 'happy' affair at all. All were repleat with varying levels of pain. Hope that helps
Billy_Boy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 they say men are only as faithful as their options. With exceptions of course.
nittygritty Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Men who grew up with a father that cheated on their mother.
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I agree with this, particularly the bold as my cheating ex displayed that quality in spades. He even expected me to feel bad for him when he confessed his betrayal to me. Wow. I find this to be pretty spot on. My cheating ex did the same. "You have no idea how difficult it was to look you in the eye all of those times and have to lie to you, knowing that you knew I was lying." We still talk and now he plays the pity card that his last gf didn't understand him like I did, wasn't like me and how she didn't trust him or give him what he needed. Dude, she didn't trust you cos you're a crazy, lying, cheater who feels sorry for yourself!
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