Yasuandio Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 When we were talking, before he got pist about the contempt matter, I offered up an "I Love You," which was met with an "I Appreciate That." Gag. He drops crumbs, gets convo started, then backs off big time intent on the divorce. Any newbies reading, this is why NC is so important. Yet, as vets know, down deep, one for some time will assess and reassess behaviors, paterns- both past and current, in a desparate attempt to find hope, which is what I'm doing right now. MS folks, please tell me directly, in light of the fact that he still is watching me home as reported earlier today, what does such a response to "I love you" mean? And if he no longer loves me, why then check out the house? Whats the fasination if he no longer cares? Separated two years, in divorce process.
carhill Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 He hasn't yet processed that you're no longer his 'territory'. A male doesn't give up his stuff easily, even though he might not love his stuff anymore. A man defines his success through how he is perceived and part of that is his 'woman' and his 'family'. His behaviors may also serve to keep the woman engaged, pondering exactly what his actions mean, and this feeds his ego, another parameter of success. FWIW, once I got my exW's house fixed up and she started divorce proceedings, I never went by there except to drop off 'stuff' she asked for. She was a zero in my book and I have enough property and prefer to define success through healthy relationships now. If she had ever said 'I love you' I would have responded 'you're kidding, right?' LOL. Obviously, your situation is different. My advice is to care less about what he's doing and how he's responding and more about how you feel and what you want. If he's not matching up with those things, time for him to go, meaning emotionally. The divorce seal is just some ink on a paper. Good luck.
Author Yasuandio Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Dead accurate again, carhill. That makes perfect sense, and erased the cobwebs from my mind. I will resist his "ego" play to engage me (that I always fall for). Got it! It always causes me such pain, an typically, I make a fool outta myself. I am so grateful that you pointed out the pattern. I can just see him in court Friday, attempting to intimidate me. He has so much nerve to walk by Plantiff's table and make statements such as "ladies, do not forget that I am the goose that lays the golden egg.". And what is said to us in the waiting room is just as strange. But my council says that I respond as an intimidated person. I am scared. I am scared how the divorce will leave me with my disabilty/age (54). I worked my entire life as a university professor to assist in securing the assets which have put him in business. Since aqiring the business, he treated me like trash. And it was too late as we milked our assets for the business. It makes me I'll to write this. It is such a desparate situation that I'd prefer to stay married.
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