JackieStauffer Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 There's a guy I've been seeing casually for about 2 months, about once a week. He was heavy on pursuing me at the beginning, has taken me out many times, called me on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and so on. It's been great. Recently, as a gut feeling, I've felt things kind of level off. I'm OK with not rushing things or moving forward too fast, but I feel like he's getting comfortable and we haven't talked about being exclusive. I think I have made myself too available for him and not enough of a challenge. I also don't know if he's seeing other people. I technically am, but I really like this one and want him to keep interest in me. I'm trying to get us back to the place where he knows he has to pursue me and will feel happier with me because I have been a (slight) challenge and made it worth the wait/work to "win" me. I know this sounds traditional but I have learned the hard way before that throwing all your cards at a guy too soon definitely makes them lose interest. So - I am trying to stop being so available, and I haven't seen him for about a week and a half. He called me last night, and now I'm trying to decide what to do. Should I call him back? If I don't, will he reach out again? Or will he think I've lost interest? If I do call him back, how long I should wait? Thanks everyone! New to this site and hope that I can get some good advice!
depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Call him back yes! But when he suggests a certain date, say you have a night out with the girls planned but could do another. Oh and text him less if you do. Apart from that just be yourself. Men naturally tone it down and its not always a sign they're losing interest but that they are genuinely comfortable around you.
Author JackieStauffer Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 thanks - but if he just called last night, and he waited three days to get in touch, i think i can make him sweat a little bit, right? can i wait until tomorrow or even wednesday to call him back? when do you think it's too long to wait? (thanks)
OceanGirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Calling him now or in 5 days won't make a difference. He is not going to suddenly fall in love with you because you waited 3 days.
ivalm Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 There's a guy I've been seeing casually for about 2 months, about once a week. He was heavy on pursuing me at the beginning, has taken me out many times, called me on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and so on. It's been great. Recently, as a gut feeling, I've felt things kind of level off. I'm OK with not rushing things or moving forward too fast, but I feel like he's getting comfortable and we haven't talked about being exclusive. I think I have made myself too available for him and not enough of a challenge. I also don't know if he's seeing other people. I technically am, but I really like this one and want him to keep interest in me. I'm trying to get us back to the place where he knows he has to pursue me and will feel happier with me because I have been a (slight) challenge and made it worth the wait/work to "win" me. I know this sounds traditional but I have learned the hard way before that throwing all your cards at a guy too soon definitely makes them lose interest. So - I am trying to stop being so available, and I haven't seen him for about a week and a half. He called me last night, and now I'm trying to decide what to do. Should I call him back? If I don't, will he reach out again? Or will he think I've lost interest? If I do call him back, how long I should wait? Thanks everyone! New to this site and hope that I can get some good advice! Call him back, always. As a guy, if a girl systematically doesn't call me back I assume she is either not interested or immature/whatever and this causes me to loose interest. It is beneficial to not seem overly-eager but you should always be polite (like calling him back) and give him a good time. Edit: I think calling back withing 1-2 days is most appropriate. In fact, if I went out for 2 months I would expect the girl to call back withing a day always (but then again, I would also make sure we were on gf/bf terms)! Edit #2: As OceanGirl said, not calling him back for a long while won't make him fall in love with you. It MAY make him think you're disinterested.
FryFish Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Talk about playing childish immature games... Make me wait 3 days and I will already be checking out my other options.
Author JackieStauffer Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 thanks y'all - this is very helpful. i'm DEFINITELY not trying to play games. i don't want to in fact! i've already shown my cards and told this guy i liked him, and so i'm getting all this advice to start playing harder to get. which i don't really want to do - hence why i'm coming on this forum. i feel like i'm being a b*tch by not calling him back. my problem in past is being too there and too nice. you're right, if he's not in love (or like) with me, 1 or 5 days won't make the difference. but if i'm not entirely sure how he feels about me, i want to keep it going but also not just be so "there" for him. i want to see whether he thinks it's worth it to work for something with us. thanks for the specific advice, ivalm - i feel like we are close enough i shouldn't be playing these games, and 3 days (even 2) seems like WAY too long. but, we haven't established anything, and he waited 3 days, so perhaps it's OK. again, i'm really not trying to play with this guy or hurt him in any way. i just want to see if i can determine if he's in this for real, for the right reasons.
Mad Max Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 and so i'm getting all this advice to start playing harder to get. For men that have self-respect, this does not work. If I sense a woman is playing hard to get, she is getting LAUNCHED.
ivalm Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 For men that have self-respect, this does not work. If I sense a woman is playing hard to get, she is getting LAUNCHED. Yeah, especially after 2 months.. my problem in past is being too there and too nice. [sic] i feel like we are close enough i shouldn't be playing these games, and 3 days (even 2) seems like WAY too long. but, we haven't established anything, and he waited 3 days, so perhaps it's OK. Well, waiting to INITIATE something is all right (and that's what "availability" games are partly about; although I generally dislike them). Not REPLYING TO AN ACTIVE REQUEST is not all right, it's not the kind of game that gives good results, it'll just screw the relationship. again, i'm really not trying to play with this guy or hurt him in any way. i just want to see if i can determine if he's in this for real, for the right reasons. You could ask him "So, where do you see us?" Or "What do you think of us?" Again, do this without applying preassure (as in "I want my ring by Monday" is a big no-no ) but talking DOES work. In fact, good communication after 2 months is critical for any LTR...
Author JackieStauffer Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 thanks everyone. i called back today (of course, to a voicemail!) but i decided to be myself and not try to play games. thanks for your help.
iJester Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Wake up, moron. You not calling him back, then coming here and asking what you should do to make him want you more and how you can seem less available, IS playing a game. You want to seem less available? Get a life and actually be less available.
waynebrady Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Maybe he got tired of always having to do all the work, initiate all contact, put in all the effort and do all the chasing... I certenley would. Believe it or not but there's ALOT of guys who hate it when women play hard to get and makes you chase them forever. It shows a lack of interest. If the interest levels are this different now then it will always be that way.
mo mo Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 For men that have self-respect, this does not work. If I sense a woman is playing hard to get, she is getting LAUNCHED. BINGO Wise men with self-respect don't fall for this BS. If you start acting flaky around me for no apparent reason I will immediately lose trust in you and start considering other options. I have no patience for childish games, especially after we have been dating for a few months already.
Nexus One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I also don't know if he's seeing other people. I technically am. Does he know you're seeing other people?
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