Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Didn't talk to ex for a few days.. Then he emailed asking how I was doing, I didn't reply till late evening. Then over the next few days we had to talk back and forth about finacial stuff. He also said some things trying to be friendly towards me.. After feeling good for the few days we didn't talk, I've felt pretty bummed the last few days. One minute I feel like he wants to avoid me and wants me out of his life. The next he is being all friendly.. The best thing I could do is shut him down.. Its really hard to be the cold hearted person and just ignore him when he is always trying to be so nice. Then of course him being nice keeps giving me some kind of stupid false hope. Taking care of most of the finacial stuff latly so we no longer have to talk about those things. I want to beable to forgive him and just move forward. Although the forgiveness thing probably won't happen for a while. I try to remind myself of the things that he has done that upset me so badly, to remember why we broke up. I already asked for my space and to do NC for a while. He just kept emailing me anyway. He misses our son and dosen't like the idea of giving me a month of NC.. I told him he could see him next sunday. I am thinking all this nice stuff could be just so I will let him see his son. After getting finacial stuff sorted I am thinking everything will run a bit smoothly for me. I tell myself over and over I don't want him back. He isn't the man I fell in love with. I don't even know him anymore. Then those stupid happy memories creep up on me. Somtimes, I do really well with ignoring them and then other times they just flood me. I am still trying to shake that hope and the love I have for him. Its really tough. I don't want him to be cold and mean to me. But I don't want him to be "nice" and all friendly like either.. Perhaps he could be like a robot? Yes your payments will be received on such and such date at 6pm mt time. Well you get the picture.. I guess that would be cold huh? Having a rough couple of days feeling bummed out. Whatever dosen't kill you makes you stronger right? But sometimes things just hurt so much you feel like they should have killed ya.. When I had my few days of NC and was feeling really well I thought I was healing?? I thought I was getting better? I certainly felt better.. It really sux to have ties to someone, when you know you have to let go and move on..
Author Jdw_Icequeen Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 After my few days of feeling like crud today I am feeling a bit better.. I actually ate a whole meal lasnight.. This not eating and sleeping thing really has me in the dumps.. They say when your feeling awful to make sure your getting enough rest, eating healthy and excercise.. Ok great! So when your stomach is in knots how do you eat? When you can't fall asleep, then finally do and constantly wake. How are you suppose to rest? When your dead dog tired I suppose I should whip out my running shoes and jog.. I may drop to my knees in a block or so. But hey I tried right?
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