rebounder11 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Okay I have a question. I know that rebound relationships occur right after a breakup, but since my breakup I think I've had a series of them. Is that even possible? Here's my story- I was dating a girl for 4 years and we lived together. I found out that she was cheating on me for about 20 months of those 4 years. I was devastated she was my whole world and when I confronted her she left me for the other guy and threw me out of our apartment and made him move in. I felt lost, I had just gone back to school. I'm 27, and I am having a hard time paying my rent and for school as well. I was really close to her parents and always turned to them for emotional support and I lost them as well(my parents died when I was a teen). They still stay in touch with me, but I can't see them as often because of her. I became very angry and bitter. This breakup happened almost 2 years ago and I still feel angry at my ex. The first girl I got involved with after my ex was 6 months later. I rushed into the relationship right away and about 3 weeks later I realized I didn't have feelings for her. Then right away I got into a 3 month relationship with another girl, I didn't real have feelings for her, but forced myself to go out with her because I felt I needed to move on from my ex and this girl was nice. Then while I was still with her I met someone else and really began to have strong feelings for her and rushed into the relationship, 6 weeks later I got scared because of how I felt . I dumped her for another woman who was older than me and who I thought would be more stable than girls my own age. I only knew this woman one week before I dumped the girl I had feelings for. This was a disaster. This woman was verbally abusive to me and I had to dump her after about 3 months. Right away I went looking for another relationship and would look for women to be with. All the while I still think about my ex and how she hurt me and wait for the day that her new boyfriend dumps her and hurts her as she hurt me. I also think of the good memories that she ruined when she cheated on me. I also think about the girl I dumped who I had feelings for. I also find it hard to trust women anymore. What is wrong with me? Am I still on the rebound? Why do I think of this other woman I had feelings for that I dumped as well when I still think about my ex who betrayed me and look for other women?
sumdude Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Dude, maybe you should take a break from relationships and women for a while and get your head and life straight. I went through a divorce which involved her cheating and moving out without warning. Four years later and I'm still sometimes dealing with some leftover trust and anger issues from that. I went through a few flings right after it happened and then subconsciously stopped. I didn't like the damage I was doing. It wasn't fair to make others suffer because I was all messed up.
carhill Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I've never had a rebound relationship and never will. That is because I take time away from relationships and process the emotions and lessons learned. Shortest period is six months and longest 20 months, which is current, as a result of my divorce process. To test and evaluate the process, I *date*. If I can see the new person as a unique individual and not be triggered emotionally by behaviors attributable to an ex, nor say anything other than positive comments about an ex, nor actively have thoughts of an ex while in the presence of a date, I deem myself ready for serious dating. A further test would be seeing my ex out with a new man and processing that in a neutral way. You're young. Mistakes are normal. Remember, these people are human beings. Our actions affect others. None of us is perfect. You asked a question. My answer aligns with sumdude's. Take a break and center yourself. Good luck and welcome to LS
depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Dude, maybe you should take a break from relationships and women for a while and get your head and life straight. I went through a divorce which involved her cheating and moving out without warning. Four years later and I'm still sometimes dealing with some leftover trust and anger issues from that. I went through a few flings right after it happened and then subconsciously stopped. I didn't like the damage I was doing. It wasn't fair to make others suffer because I was all messed up. Good advice there from someone who's lived it. All I will say is there are women who are genuinely into casual sex only type hook ups if that is what worries you, no need for all the drama while you find your feet again...
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