ouch1121 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Haven't been on here for awhile but to summarize I was on here in September when he broke up with me. I maintained nc but he broke that, begged me back promising me all these changes and as you can all guess things didn't change. He asked for a break last week, something he never believed in in the past. I always had asked for one and he said that he didn't believe in breaks because he was afraid I would move on but this time it was him asking for it. I said ok with no intention of being in a break but more of a "break up" I think he did too. Actually what I really believe is he has been talking to someone for the last month, gut feeling, and wanted to explore that so asked for a break to try to keep me hanging. Anyways, Ive been trying to tell myself I'm done with this selfish inconsiderate jerk and am better off without him. Yes I miss him but I know I am better off. It's still hard and I take this a day at a time. Anyways its been a little over a week and I had to break NC because I helped him buy a tv on a no interest credit card and needed him to make payments as the statement just arrived. That's all I discussed in the email to him was to ask him to set up a reoccuring payment so I wouldn't have to contact him monthly. I sent it yesterday and got a reply this morning. He said he would set up the payment. I also left a necklace he had given me at his house and he asked if he could come by my house and but it in an envelope under my mat because whatever happens to us its still mine and it looks great on me. Whatever. He also said I hope you're doing well. I admit getting his email really frustrated me and pissed me off. I don't want the necklace, I will never wear it again and I know he doesn't give a sh*t about how I'm doing. Also I hate the try to keep me hanging language of "no matter what happens to us", we're done, that's what happened to us! I'm angry and bitter about the relatiomship, he's done a lot to me. I do think the breakup is for the best but I think he's a coward to hide behind a "break" and I know he probably was hanging out with the OW this weekend, a week after our breakup, and I hate hate hate the but we're not necessarily over language despite me telling him I didn't see that happening and I was moving on. So how should I respond to his email? Or should I at all? I don't want the necklace, I don't want contact with him, I just want that credit card to get paid, but I guess I also dont want to come off as a bitter b*tch. Which I know I am. He's done a number on me and I've been really hopeful for change for so long but like always he wants to somewhat keep me hanging. If I was completely honest yes there is a little bit in me that would love for him to see the light and know I was the best thing to happen to him and he took me for granted and he really does want to change for us but I know that's not realistic and not gonna happen since he tried that once and made no changes....just not sure how to handle him right now.....please help....
moredeborah Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I think you should reply to the message but be nice. Unfortunately you'll have to deal with him until the card is payed off. If he wants to send you back the necklace, then take it and then get rid of it. Its understandable that you're frustrated but you're in kind of a sticky situation. After the card is payed off, be done and be happy that it's over.
z00m25 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 just try to stay strong and get that paid off as soon as possible i know how hard it is, going through a breakup myself and its the worst feeling ever. Do your best to block out all of those feelings and just focus on you for a while.
Kansas Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Ouch ... I know what you're going through because I went back to my ex - not once, not twice, but three times and he did the same thing every time. My heart goes out to you. But at least you're more aware of his tactics now and you're aware that when he says things like "whatever happens to us" is BS and he is only saying it to keep you baited on the hook. I agree with Zoom and moredeborah that if you want him to keep paying the credit card then you have to play nice-nice. However, be forewarned that he will use this as an excuse to contact you down the road, so you have to remain strong and stay committed to your resolve. If you contact him about the necklace, be polite but to the point ... and don't reply immediately so it doesn't look like you're chomping at the bit to contact him. Personally, (and I am a bit crazy), I would never contact him again, let him keep paying the card for as long as he pays and if he stopped I'd chalk it up to a life lesson. To me a few hundred bucks is easier to dish out than the emotional turmoil that I would have to suffer by staying in that situation. Cost of television ... a couple thousand bucks (minus what he pays) ... turning the tables on the ******* and avoiding emotional turmoil ... priceless. (at least to me)
Author ouch1121 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Thanks for the replies. I'm trying hard to stay strong....It really is a day by day ordeal. This man has strung me along for 5 years. Enough is enough but it's hard, you lose your best friend, your confidante, your lover all in one shot and I recently got close to his 6 year old daughter. I lose that too...It's hard, it sucks, but I'm trying to stay strong but I feel myself get so angry and bitter and then I fluctuate to I hope he's happy and he finds what he was looking for because it wasn't me....It does make me feel crazy all the time... I emailed him back and told him not to worry about dropping the necklace off, it wasn't on his way and if our paths cross someday I can get it from him and thanked him...Yes a little dramatic but I wanted to tell him to f off. Being nice to him isn't about the credit card...I just didn't want him to know how angry and bitter he made me or how much he really hurt me so I was cordial. I would like for him to pay off the card but if he doesn't he doesn't. He said he'll set up an automatic payment so I don't think he will have to have any contact with me in regards to the card anymore. I know break ups are all a part of life, but man does it hurt and it sucks...Thanks for the support.
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