Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 This came across my mind a couple of times, and I want some opinions on this one. If a boy and a girl are in a relationship, should the girl be offended if the guy looks at or watches porn, girly magazines, etc.? or vice versa. My opinion is that no, the girl should not be offended. It's not cheating. People can't only be attracted to the person they're with. It's impossibe. If everyone was offended, there would be no relationships, or everyone would feel trapped. It's not like they're actually going to go have sex with the person in the video, magazine, whatever. We know we don't stand a chance with them. This is my opinion. If you agree, I understand. If you don't, why? We're not saying that you're not good enough for us. If it was, we wouldn't be in a relationship with anyone, and be lonely and miserable for the rest of our lives. Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 There's a million and one threads on this - they all tend to have "porn" in the subject line. Just thought I'd let you know. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by Sparky My opinion is that no, the girl should not be offended. Judging by your pronoun use, I'm assuming you're a boy. Ergo, your opinion on whether or not you think girls should be offended is irrelevant. Some are, some are not. Offense is a personally internal matter. For some girls it brings feelings of inadequacy, diminished self-image, emotional severance, and trust betrayal. If you get off to her, and you get off to porn, she could feel like she's not enough to satisfy you, because you also turn to porn. Additionally, the chances of the porn actresses being attractive is high, so she might feel as if she'd have to modify herself to look like the porn gals. Additionally, some girls take sex very seriously, and if you find it as casual as something you share with your left hand and a gym sock, the emotional connection can be severed, because she'll feel like your gymsock's replacement instead of your intimate partner. In most cases, men are aware of these female feelings, so they hide it. And in some of those cases, they suck at hiding it, and they lie about it. And in some cases, they suck at lying about it, and their lie is shattered, causing the woman to not only feel inadequate, but also betrayed. Feelings are never wrong, at least when they're not yours. I take it your girl is offended? The bottom line is communication. Talk with her with hopes of understanding her feelings, and responding with your own NOT with hopes of wearing her down. Don't yell, just talk. Explain about the seperation between intimacy and sex, and how porn is a facilitator of your relief mechanism. Work to bring intimacy to your sexual encounters, make her feel special and desire, to emphasize that masturbation is a chore you take care of, but she's a partner that you care ABOUT. Offer to include her in your porn use, if she's into it. Work it into the bedroom. But if she's not hearing it, stop spewing it. For some girls, this is a threshold that can't be budged, so stop trying. One threader divorced her husband of over 20 years for this reason. Search the posts on this forum with an open mind, learn both sides of the issue. Righteous indignancy sucks in a relationship. Communication is good. I see your points, and acknowledge them, and even support most of them. But it's not us who give a flying squirrel, it's your girl, so communicate. If communication fails, either change your behavior or change your partner--and do NOT lie about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 I don't have a girlfriend yet. But once I do, I just want to know how to deal with it. I've seen these situations many times and wonder about it. How do you change a girl in the way your talking about? Can you get a girl interested in a similar way? Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by Sparky I don't have a girlfriend yet. But once I do, I just want to know how to deal with it. I've seen these situations many times and wonder about it. Be honest about it. Find out how she feels about it. Explain how you feel about it. Communicate about it. Reach a consensus. Don't be a prick about it. Make her feel desired and respected. Don't be an idiot and think you can lie/hide it. Just because your mom never caught you doesn't mean she won't--because really your mom didn't WANT to find you. How do you change a girl in the way your talking about? You get what you put into it, if you want an open minded communicative session, go into one with an open mind. Be calm, but honest. Listen more than you talk. Treat her concerns as subjects of discussion, rather than objects of dismissal. Can you get a girl interested in a similar way? Depends on the gal, there are some that are indifferent to porn use as long as she's satisfied and you're discrete (discrete=respectful, not dishonest. Like, do it when she's away, but don't pretend you're not doing it) and not crude about it. Oh, and don't spend connubial money on it either. Other girls are actually into it, they watch it alone, or they want to watch it in bed. It's not usually a matter of "getting" a girl interested in it, their opinions are usually already formed by the time you get to em, but introduce it respectfully and see what happens. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 How do you change a girl You can't change a girl/boy/man/woman/animal/beast/monster/alien unless THEY want to change. Don't fool yourself into thinking that you change someones opion into your opion. IMO I think that a guy looking at a little porn on occasion is ok as long as this occasion does not become an obsession. I can see how it can become a serious problem simular to alochol, drugs, gambling, video games, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 Hey carla, weird comparison! Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by Sparky Hey carla, weird comparison! Not really, when applying the science of dependency, one often concludes it's something that, when at unhealthy extents, is difficult to stop doing with help and can facilitate the deterioration of personal relationships. Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 I just think that if a guy can't go a day without porn, or has to look at it several times a day, and if it affected the persons life style whether it is a unapproving partner or what have you then I think it is an obbession. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 Most guys I know are obsessed over porn. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by Sparky Most guys I know are obsessed over porn. Are you qualified to make such a statement? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 I don't quite understand what you're talking about Link to post Share on other sites
carla Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 maybe the guys you know haven't had the real thing yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 22, 2004 Author Share Posted March 22, 2004 Actually, Some of these guys have. I'll admit, I haven't had it yet. I hear that it's not as great as it sounds. Link to post Share on other sites
dyermaker Posted March 22, 2004 Share Posted March 22, 2004 Originally posted by Sparky I hear that it's not as great as it sounds. That's because you've been watching porn. How disapointed will you be when your partner doesn't explode with pleasure at the mere sight of your organ, or even worse, not emphatically encourage you to finish in her hair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sparky Posted March 23, 2004 Author Share Posted March 23, 2004 Makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
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