Aleeed Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 This is such a horrible, selfish thought. Its been two weeks since we've broken up and as I slowly put everything back together.. I'm imagining her with someone else. It's such a horrible, painful thought and it keeps filling my mind.. Any body else feel this? Ouch.
suddendumpee Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I don't need to imagine it, I saw it with my own eyes where her friend posted a FB album with my ex and her new man 7 days after our breakup. The frenzied to hide the album 15 minutes later, but it was too late. Worse yet, it was the "guy friend" I completely trusted her with. Did it suck? You bet. But it was also a blessing in disguise. Initially it feels like your relationship meant nothing and you were lied to. This is a very deep pain. Then you realize that your relationship meant nothing and you we lied to, and the pain begins to dissolve. I this realization could compare to being killed quickly, with a stab to the heart, vs. being tortured to death and left to bleed out slowly. Kill me quickly please.
poorguy Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I don't need to imagine it, I saw it with my own eyes where her friend posted a FB album with my ex and her new man 7 days after our breakup. The frenzied to hide the album 15 minutes later, but it was too late. Worse yet, it was the "guy friend" I completely trusted her with. Did it suck? You bet. But it was also a blessing in disguise. Initially it feels like your relationship meant nothing and you were lied to. This is a very deep pain. Then you realize that your relationship meant nothing and you we lied to, and the pain begins to dissolve. I this realization could compare to being killed quickly, with a stab to the heart, vs. being tortured to death and left to bleed out slowly. Kill me quickly please. I too witnessed it first hand through the miracle of Facebbok. It sucks bigtime!!! I agree though in time it just doens't bother you nearly as much, so don't worry those feelings will fade in time. Wait until she does it to that guy
JrRos Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Sucky feeling. My ex also decided to start a new relationship after our break-up. Some not so nice thoughts have crossed my mind. However, every time I think about how we used to be and blah blah blah... I can only remember what my brother said to me "if she's over you within a week, then there wasn't much in her for you to begin with". Harsh? a little, but true. Always remember, if you missed the bus there will be another one soon after.
Kansas Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Initially it feels like your relationship meant nothing and you were lied to. This is a very deep pain. Then you realize that your relationship meant nothing and you we lied to, and the pain begins to dissolve. Very true.
curiousnycgirl Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I can only remember what my brother said to me "if she's over you within a week, then there wasn't much in her for you to begin with". See now I totally believe this - I found out my ex was dating within days of my leaving town without him - yet he does not feel it is over between us, and is in fact working on figuring out what he wants from his relationship with me. Um.....it's been FOUR months!!!! Does he really think it's not over, yet he's dating someone else? How does that work? Meanwhile I still have absolutely zero desire to ever go out with anyone else ever again. The other day someone asked me out, I was a little tipsey and I burst into tears. Poor guy he still thinks he did something wrong - I kept telling him it was me not him.
suddendumpee Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 "if she's over you within a week, then there wasn't much in her for you to begin with". I wouldn't diminish the relationship to this. That's just cruel on yourself and your ego. Chances are, she was VERY much in to you at one time, but had been doubting things for a while and felt things were "off". Then new person steps up and motivates them to do something they should have done long ago. I've been on the other side of this. Clinging on to a r/l, HOPING it goes back to the way it was. Then someone sweeps you off your feet and it motivates you to move on to (hopefully) greener pastures (though likely not).
JrRos Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Meanwhile I still have absolutely zero desire to ever go out with anyone else ever again. The other day someone asked me out, I was a little tipsey and I burst into tears. Poor guy he still thinks he did something wrong - I kept telling him it was me not him. Well, I can understand you feel vulnerable and hurt over what happened. I feel the same way too. However, as much as she still crosses my head I refuse to deprive myself of the chance of meeting someone new and interesting. Not with the intent of immediately jump onto a relationship, but for the purpose of extending my friendship. Like I said when you miss a bus there will be another one coming by after. I think you should give others a chance to show what they can offer. At the end, you'll have more friends which can lead to more possibilities of running into someone that will be worth spending time with. I wouldn't diminish the relationship to this. That's just cruel on yourself and your ego. Chances are, she was VERY much in to you at one time, but had been doubting things for a while and felt things were "off". Then new person steps up and motivates them to do something they should have done long ago. I've been on the other side of this. Clinging on to a r/l, HOPING it goes back to the way it was. Then someone sweeps you off your feet and it motivates you to move on to (hopefully) greener pastures (though likely not). To be honest, do I believe she's just doing this based on her anger towards me and she has that "new toy" feelings for this person? yes. Last time I spoke to her, she was trying to be indifferent. Not much after she had a little slip-up and said that she very upset, and angry (emphasis) at our previous month together. Two years of emotional baggage aren't just dumped over night. I've also been in the place where I thought the grass looked greener on the other side. I walked away from a long relationship thinking the next one will be everything I had and more. Hmm I was wrong. I know this doesn't make much justice to my previous statement. However, why am I going to worry, lose sleep, lose weight, be sad, feel worthless...etc for someone that does not want me as part of her life? Things and people come and go. I learn something from every loss and move on. As much as I miss her and truly feel for her, I refuse to put myself second. Specially under this circumstances.
z00m25 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 yup know exactly how this feels. and this is the 2nd time ive had to deal with it since she pulled the same bs 4 years ago and now i know shes for sure talking to all kinds of other guys. its funny because she always said that if we ever broke up shed be all heartbroken. im not getting that vibe from her.
willpower Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I wouldn't diminish the relationship to this. That's just cruel on yourself and your ego. Chances are, she was VERY much in to you at one time, but had been doubting things for a while and felt things were "off". Then new person steps up and motivates them to do something they should have done long ago. I think this is spot on, when my ex broke with me (she broke with me becuase I told her I was not ready to comit any further) she held on to getting back with me for over 2 months. We saw each other a lot in the mean time but only ever got intimate once (at the end of those 2 months). Shed always be pushing me, texting and telling me she wanted me when we met up.What made her leave for good? Another guy came into her life. I firmly believe that if I had stepped up to the plate and given her as much of me as she wanted then we'd be happy together today (now 3 months since she met the other guy) but you can only push someone so far away. I also don't doubt for one moment that she is into this other guy and am not foolish enought to believe she stays up all night crying over me. The flip side to this is that I almost left her in April/May last year for someone else - at the time she was the one crying her eyes out. I didn't, the other person was totally not for me but I was still attracted to her like crazy, more attracted to her than my ex. Thats the thing with relationships (from a male perspective) - you can be more attracted to another woman than the one you are with for a number of reasons but ultimately what keeps people together is their ongoing compatibility and not intense attraction that will probably die after you have slept together. The latter often clouds your ability to asses the former unfortunately.
deadhead88 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) I too found out through, you guessed it, facebook that my ex has a new guy. We broke up because she wanted to move when she graduates college this year and claimed she still loved me, all seems like bs now. I guess she wanted some fling before she moves, who knows? Anyways, it really is an awful feeling. You wonder if they're better in bed, why she chose him over me, what's going through her head, does she not care about me, etc. It's a feeling of total betrayal on top of rejection. I keep wondering if our past relationship of over a year where we exchanged i love yous' daily, discussed living together after college, marriage, kids, everything, meant anything to her at all. You wonder how heartless and cold she could be for moving on so fast. Anyway before I keep rambling on, you just have to move forward. Take it as closure. As awful and heartbreaking as it is you have to know that you no longer have control over them. I'm also starting to rebuild my confidence and self esteem that she shattered by her actions. It's all we can do. Don't ever let anyone make you feel like less of person, boyfriend, girlfriend, lover, or anything. There new partner or fling or rebound is not you. They're are bound to have there own flaws and are exes just don't realize it yet because this person is new. I'm done wasting my time and caring about someone who could care less about me or my feelings. F*** them! Edited January 25, 2011 by deadhead88
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