Nick71 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I notice a lot of the messages here are pretty long. I can see how easy it is to pour out all this information once the tap is opened. I’ve re-started this story for the 4th time & will try to keep it short :/ Fianceé left me just before Christmas because of pressure from her parents & grandparents. I am 12 years older than her which troubles them. She came back almost immediately & we had a great Christmas/New Year & she very convincingly told she would stand up against them for our happiness. In the December break-up she moved back to her parents & just spent weekends with me since but that constant pressure from them has caused her to leave me again. No warning, everything was fine, even on Wednesday last week, Thursday only 1 goodnight sms & then Friday no answer to my 2 sms of the day. Saturday a courier turned up with our engagement ring, my apartment keys & a very short letter saying we both want different things from the future so it won't work? Damn, it’s getting long again so to the point Nick! I’m reading for a couple of hours here & finding mostly reactions from people who are weeks into this process. For me it’s only day 3 & oh what a long, terrible 3 days. Saturday, after the courier I ran to a friends & tried to distract myself. Sunday I drank until I was sick, then drank some more. Today I’m trying to find a way forward & looking for helpful resources please? I haven’t contacted since Friday, certainly started typing a few things but luckily I’m thinking twice before sending anything. Now I’ve deleted all contact details & finding some inspiration in knowing I am not alone in my desperation for an answer. I would just like advice on what to do right now? It’s 8.40pm, I can’t eat or sleep, I don’t know what to do? Sorry, I tried but this is the shortest message I can manage right now Warm wishes, Nick
D78 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 ...Saturday a courier turned up with our engagement ring, my apartment keys & a very short letter saying we both want different things from the future so it won't work?... Nick, I'm so sorry you're experiencing this. I was in your shoes not long ago (different situation, but dumped none the less). There's no magic solution to feeling bad right now. You're going to feel sad, angry, confused, etc. The things that made me feel less sad were: (1) Loveshack, (2) making a list of what I didn't like about him, (3) writing in a journal (mostly letters to him that I will never send), (4) exercise, (5) crying, (6) talking to my family and friends, and (7) distracting myself with comedies (I must have watched 1000 movies). The things that made me feel less angry were: (1) Loveshack, (2) singing at the top of my lungs to profanity-laced music, and (3) kickboxing and other exercise. Keep posting your feelings here. I received so much help from the folks on this forum. Good luck.
Author Nick71 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 Thanks D Luckilly I am busy during the day so although she is constantly in my mind I can cope by just focusing on what is in front of me. Now it's the evening though & this is difficult. I exercised last night, just a 30 minute run, but it was -10'C, snowing & very uncomfortable. I haven't run for 2 years. It did relieve the pain considerably though, I'm too tired tonight after a tough day but definately will run again tomorrow. I've got some pretty hardcore 'F' the world rock music on in the bg while I'm typing this, better than coldplay methinks. She sent me an sms last night at 11pm, 1st contact since the beginning. "Life is cruel, she found me just to lose me. I was her 1st true love & she will love me forever. Goodnight, goodbye & God bless you" I have not answered & it is deleted :/ Isn't it tempting though So that's today . . . so far.
january2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I'm sorry for your pain. You might find the following guide regarding No Contact (NC) useful: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t81399/
Author Nick71 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Yesterday just ended up with a takeaway pizza, 2 beers & a comedy movie (which kind of helps but even in the stupidest of movies you'll still be reminded of something pertinent) followed by an early night, no drama, a few tears. Felt so low but distracted myself :/ A very early start today has kept me busy all day, many mixed thoughts, every sms 'is that her' but alas no An early start has led to an early finish though. It is nearly 5pm & I have been home for an hour. There is a long evening ahead..... I'm meeting 2 good friends on Friday for a beer & a cheer up but that seems so far away at the moment. My mind is being really creative in things to say (or do) to make a point & win her back but I sadly realize nothing would count right now so hold off. Maybe I should turn my phone off but then what if ...? I think I'll turn it off & then I can at least focus on my evening instead of all the things I may be wishing for :/ Take care people, what else can I say
D78 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It really helped me to write down all of those things you think of to say to your ex. I just put them on paper, and later shredded them. Writing them down had the same effect of "getting it off my chest" as if I had said it to my ex. Good luck tonight!
Author Nick71 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 Damn, it feels like time for bed I just want to wake tomorrow when everything will be better, I hope? It's only 6.25pm I don't know what to do ? How do you get to 2 or more weeks of this if I can't face 4 days !!! I WILL NOT CALL OR SMS, but I need something. I just need something, please!
darran Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 (edited) 12 year age gap... same as me man! thing is... her parents were cool about it... however, we did a lot of partying and it showed through the other side to living that way. Arguments, more arguments and arguments! Sometimes she'd go home to her parents crying because of it. Eventually they got tired of it and pulled the "you and him aint compatible" chestnut... little did they know what exactly we BOTH got up to. I think NC is a definite must or you'll end up dragging pointless contact on and on and on until you really do lose your mind. There will come a time, MAYBE, when she will actually realise that you two are cool together and it doesn't (should not) matter what anyone says or thinks about you two. Reality is tho... parents and friends have a huge pull on decision making especially with girls (maybe Im wrong). Don't contact her mate. Honestly, I did it and have been in a nightmare hole for a while because of it. I find gym, thaiboxing, not drinking and not sitting around helps. I've tortured my closest friends to death with this and I have run out of steam. 4 months on and I am finally starting to feel a LOT better. NC is definitely the way to give you a sense of power back in your life. Good luck dude Edited January 26, 2011 by darran
z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 good luck to you, its really going to be hard for the first couple days but then you realize that the text your waiting for is not going to arrive. try talking to your friends as much as possible, thats what im doing and its really helping, and try to exercise daily!
Author Nick71 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 I fell asleep on the sofa & a friend called to make sure I was still ok for Friday. I thought it was 8am & a new day but it's only 8pm, same stupid day Time is so slow & so difficult
MissyLove Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 Hi Nick, I am sorry you are going through this. It IS hard and at the start you just want to give up and call them because you think it will make you feel better and it MIGHT but then what happens? In the long run it won't. Believe me, the NC will get better with time. It will definitely be hard but as time goes on it will definitely get easier. I know what most people advise you, it probably won't mean much right now. But really, try to keep yourself occupied so you don't have to think about the her. Hang out with friends, talk ... let out your emotions or even write it down, it definitely does help. I'm on 2 months of my NC and after the break up with my ex, I had constantly called him every 2-3 days for 1 month after the break up. All it did was prolonged the pain and put me in a bad spot. I truly believe that Time (and no contact) heals our hearts and the pain you are feeling now will fade. Wishing you a speedy recovery
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