laRubiaBonita Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Oy- yoi yoi…… So the H and I have been married 2+ years, I will be 31 in march(he will be 36 this year)- LRB wants to procreate!! But having the baby discussion with H is like talking to a wall. He has mentioned wanting kids in the past… but that is it. a mention of. When trying to talk about this lately he either acts like he doesn’t hear me- or he really doesn’t (I really have no clue of what he listens to and what he doesn’t when I talk). Bottom line, I want him to tell me what his hang ups are and he hasn’t do ne that. I do know of 2 things within my complete control that will add positives to the Have a Baby ScoreCard, those would be quit smoking and quit drinking. There is a 3rd thing too, my issues with disordered eating- but that one i do keep minimally under control; although I am sure I could/ should do better. Basically I need him to tell me what to do- and I do not know if he will. I know I should be taking the lead in getting what I think are issues in order- but it would help me immensely to know what he feels are keys issues that cause a hang up. What do I do?
sb129 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 LRB- you have already answered your own question.
Author laRubiaBonita Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 LRB- you have already answered your own question. ok... you are right. but how can i make him tell me that? it's like i need to be told i am not doing the right thing. i know he is not my parent, but i would like to know that my H, my partner thinks that i not making the healthiest choices. i mean, he can tell me if he thinks the house is a mess, so why can he not tell me if this is what i want, then i better get on the ball? i sound like a complete idiot now- you are probably thinking- yep, now there is a woman who should have kids, she cannot even communicate with her H.
Author laRubiaBonita Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 and i would like to have some sort of timeline to work with. at least to TTC.... i feel like i am a huge pile of contradictions- but i t's true- i do so much better if i have a goal to work towards, and i do have the goal of having a child; but i also need to know if that is really his goal, or is he just saying this for now? and then it turns into him saying 'weeeellllll, i really want to do xy& z before we have kids' or what ever it could be- i just do not know is all.
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) This is just a quick opinion so take it for what it's worth.. and feel free to throw my words away if you don't like 'em I don't think having a kid should be a goal.. A goal goes away after you reach it and raising a kid for 2 people isn't a goal that can be reached for many many years.. if ever... Quitting Smoking is a goal.. Quitting Drinking is a goal.. Having a kid is a decision between 2 people who want to raise a child.. Your husband shouldn't want you to quit smoking and drinking to have a kid.. He should want you to do those things because he loves you and wants you to outlive him and you shouldn't want to quit for the child.. you should want to quit for yourself.. so you are healthier and so your child doesn't have to grow up without you ... ( I can't get the wording for what I want to say right.. but I think you get the idea ) You need to talk with your husband in more detail about this.. Nail it down to whether you guys should be trying to conceive or should wait. You will both be happier if you discuss it and resolve it. By the way.. pump up on the folic acid before you try to have a baby JMO by the way.. Edited January 24, 2011 by Art_Critic
Author laRubiaBonita Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 i get that way of thinking art- which is the healthy way. but i am not good at doing good things for me- i usually adjust my thinking so that it seems like i am doing good things on the outside, but inside there are other thoughts/ reasons that i do positive, healthy things. if that makes sense. and i just like to be told what to do- so i even if the whole baby thing were not on the table- i would still want him to tell me to stop.
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