morganrose89 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Alright, I was not going to write on here, but reading a lot of good advice, I decided to. So, I had been dating my ex for almost three years when he ended it. We got in an argument about stupid stuff and he broke it off with me, in a text message. Said he was 'done'. Then that same night, he tried to fix it and I was too pissed off and said no. Well, long story short, after a while I started doing the begging and pleading thing. And I just pushed him away and he started saying he 'needs space'. Which I know most people say is when you can tell that the person is just over you. Well after giving him a little bit of space, he agreed to meet with me in person to get closure. Well, I meet with him one night to talk over thanksgiving break, and he completely does a 180. He tells me the space has just made him realize how much he wants to be with me and all this stuff. So we decided to try and work on it and he came to my families thanksgiving and was asking how soon I would want to get engaged and was just completely all over me. Then, time goes by and he starts treating me like he needs more space and kept asking for us to take it slow and i blew it by overanalyzing everything he was saying. Things started to get patchy and I was resentful because we werent talking or hanging out as much and I started getting all crazy again. Then it was his birthday on December 10th, I went over to his house and gave him his gift and made his favorite food and he was just telling me how much he loves me and he knows how hard this is for me but he doesnt want me to think that any of it means he doesnt love me. So I started feeling better about things. The next night he went out with his guy friends and even while being with them he was texting me saying he wanted me and only me and all this stuff, but was still acting like an ass at times, like throughout the whole break up he was saying he loved me and wanted to work it out but was still acting really cold towards me. The next day, we were talking and I told him I didnt deserve to be treated that way and he said 'youre right, i know I am hurting you, so I am just done' and I just freaked out and graveled and begged all over again. This time, it didnt work. So after a day of that, i stopped. I didnt talk to him for a week then decided I needed closure. i texted him saying that I needed answers and he just said he was still in love with me and didnt want to date other people but couldnt be with me right now. And i KNOW most people are going to say this his him saying like the grass is greener syndrome or whatever, but heres someone background on our relationship. We went to two different colleges for 2 years. Then, I finally transferred to the college he was at (not because of him, it had been my number one choice of schools but I didnt get accepted at first). Before we started dating, he tried to get me to date him for 6 months but i knew we were in two different places and it just wasnt a good idea and finally I gave in. And our schools were not more than an hour and a half away from each other anyways. Anyways, finally i got to his school and we spent a lot of time together but he doesnt really like to go out and party or anything that much, so i would do things with just the girls a lot too. I made sure i didnt stay at his place every night. I made sure I still had my separate life from him. And I dont want to sound dumb, but he was SO in love with me. He literally did everything to me. We would bicker sometimes, but it was often over dumb stuff. We never had any big problems. However, the past semester, we started bickering a little bit more. He is a year older than i am and also way too smart for his own good and was graduating a semester early. So he was set to graduate this past december and start a job back in our hometown, which is just an hour and a half away. We both started to get nervous about not being able to see each other a lot and he often said he was afraid he was ruining my college life and all this stuff. So, we started bickering more and more because we both let the stress of being in two separate places again get to us. So, i truly belive that that has alot to do with it. I feel like he decided it was easier for us to break up for a while so he could focus on his new job and for me to experience college and whatnot. Everyone who knows us says he will for sure be back and that I need to just let go and enjoy single life until then. However, i just dont know. I am still devestated. He was allll about the future and getting married and he loved that his friends and family loved me so much, and we treated each other well and were so in love, and now i just feel like he is gone and never coming back. He however, kept telling me we werent over for good, but I feel like that was his way to string me along. I sent him an email a few weeks ago and pretty much talked about where we went wrong in the relationship and how it could be fixed and I wasnt pleading or begging in any of it. I got no response. But then, I met a new friend who just went through a breakup and had a really hard time with it. She told me she read all these books about breaking up and self-help. And she said in every book, it states how by begging and pleading we give them all the power and they feel like they can respond at their own will. So I emailed him again after a few weeks and said i accepted his decision to end our relationship since he wasnt happy and how i love him enough to work it out but he obviously doesnt and we both deserve to find real love. The kind of love where that person is your everything and you would do anything to make it work. And I basically just closed the door I had opened up by begging and pleading and said i have come to terms with it and am moving on. However, i am having such a hard time accepting it. Especially since i feel like he will sooner or later realize that it is a mistake. But, my friend told me to try the 60 days of detoxing from someone and going complete no contact with them even if they contact you. She did this and her ex came banging down the door begging for another chance, left roses on her car, wrote her letters, the whole nine yards. However, she chose to say no to him and move on. Anyways, I am trying the 60 days thing...so far I am on day...3. I have a long way to go. Anyways, any insight is helpful. I know that NC is the way to go. I am dedicated to not breaking that at all. If he doesnt contact me within the 60 days then I am not going to break it for as long as possible, whether its 61 days or 1000 days. However, if he does contact me during it, I will probably contact him after day 60. I am just trying to do myself a favor and regain any respect I had for myself and heal during this time of no contact. I am hoping he will realize his mistake. But, I know no contact is the way to go to heal myself so I wont be such a mess if he ever does try and come back in my life.
poorguy Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 If you repost this and use paragraphs people will read it. If not they may well skip it-This way you can get more advice on your situation
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