z00m25 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Well here goes nothing...recently broke up with my ex, thought I would handle it better but this is the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. This happened about 2-3 weeks ago i cant even remember anymore. A little back story we had been dating for about two years and it was honestly the happiest i have ever been. She had always told me that i ment the world to her and that she would never do anything to hurt me. Well i'm hurt now i guess that wasn't true. This isn't the first time i'm going to have to get over her either which is why im not sure why it hurts more this time around. I was always really shy and five years ago when I first met her i fell in love with her but we were never really dating, just friends but more than friends if that makes sense. She just blew me off back then and now its lookin like a repeat. She's always had an issue with going out to bars but i guess thats just how shes used to living. And is also a total attention fanatic having 22 gagillion facebook friends. When we first started dating she left her ex for me because of our history and still had issues with going out all the time. I came out and told her if this is how your going to be then lets not even waste our time after the first 2 or 3 months. And she completely stopped and i had thought that she changed. Now i had always gotten mad when she would talk to other guys whether it be texts calls or facebook msgs mainly because i was never able to fully trust her. We started out rocky and were both alcoholics to begin with we went to house partys basically multiple times a week and after a while i got sick of that lifestyle so we cut it out. She also forced me to quit smoking at one point and that was hard but i always told her id do anything for her so i eventually quit. We both had trust issues early on in our relationship i didnt trust her friends mainly because they were all bottle rats from the club and she didnt trust mine so we both basically gave up a majority of our friends. We still had a group that we both hung out with but for the most part we started doing alot of stuff on our own. I took her out every single day i felt that I had to to keep the relationship strong. She was the only girl i ever felt this way about and I tried to text her as much as possible. Seeing her and talking to her was my new favorite thing to do. There were only a handful of days during our 2 years together that i didnt see her. I was always careful with money but not with her, i spent money i didnt have and got her whatever she wanted, just seeing her smile made me feel so happy. About 8 months in she started staying at my house every night. We eventually ended up moving in together at her house, her mom loved me and i was told she doesnt usually like the guys she dated. This was awesome for me because now i could see her everynight and not worry about spending so much money on going out. We got away from drinking for a while and just cuddled every night and i would rub her back EVERY night before she fell asleep. Months went by and something happened, all of her old friends turned on her for no reason at all and talked so much stuff about her. They would say the meanest things ever about her and told her the world would be a better place if she died. She was so upset but i stuck with her, I told her none of that mattered we had each other and were both beyond happy. This went on for months they would facebook bad stuff about her on a daily basis calling her all kind of names and I think i was brought up at some point but i dont care what they think of me. I know i was good to her and just wanted to make her happy. So now we were really on our own having only several friends we did basically everything ourselves. More time went by and I had a job offer out of state, we discussed it alot and figured it would be good for us to finally start our new lives away from all the drama back home. She wasnt working but would plan to get a job if she needed to to help pay bills. We eventually moved, i was really stressed and worried about all the finances so at times i would get frustrated with her wanting to buy everything under the sun, and i made sure she was aware that wed have to stay in for a while not knowing what to expect financially. The first few weeks were hard but then I worked as much as possible and I was making tons of money and everything was fine. She took care of the house and made dinner but i still thought it was a good idea to start working. She fought me at first but eventually found something and actually enjoyed it. This is where the problems started. Everything was fine and dandy until this job. She worked and i saw her less and less every day. And would get frustrated and i noticed she would come home and have like 5 new facebook friends all guys of coarse and then they would start facebook chatting on a regular basis. She still said that i ment the world to her and would have nothing to worry about. This went on and on and got worse. Having quit smoking I had put on some weight and would find myself waiting around the apt for her to get off work. We had still been doing everything together but one day she told me she was going out with them. I was kind of bummed and not a fan of the idea having not met them but she went out anyway. This happened on several occasions, she never told me where she was and i never knew who exactly she was with. At one point i had asked her to help contribute to the bills since she was working but she flipped on me and said she had things she needed for herself, so i was paying for all the bills and everything you could imagine but she promised to some day contribute. The going out got worse, she would come home at 3, 4am i would be up calling her and she wouldnt answer. Then one day she came home at 6 am because she fell asleep at some guys house. I was livid and i yelled at her calling her all kinda names. Then one day she left her facebook up and i saw a convo from someone she worked with. She was basically flirting with him and trying to meet up with him somewhere. Thats what did it for me i was obsessed that i was losing her more and more. WHen she came home that day i had to leave i couldnt be around her i was so hurt. She still told me i had nothing to worry about but knowing she was talking to other people behind my back made me lose my mind. I had completely distanced myself from everybody but her since we had done everything together. I had no friends no nothing no hobbys and now i knew i was losing her. We had a good new years but then 2-3 weeks ago she went out again while i was waiting for her to come home she said shed be home soon which turned into 4 hours later, i had started drinking myself after the first hour and figured since she would ignore me and go out i would just ignore her when she got home. she was really mad about this, then the next day she was going back home to visit family which turned into 3 days of going out to bars. The first night i drank a little and didnt say much to her. Then the next day i told her maybe we should take a break from each other since i was unhappy with how she was acting. she said she didnt want to and then when i asked what she was doing and she responded with going out yet again i went strait to the store and bought tons of alcohol. I got so drunk i dont even remember what i said to her but i called her every name in the book and apparently accused her of sleeping around with everyone. I was so mad she was being so sneaky and shady. And as i was hinting towards taking a break i didnt really want to, i just wanted her to cut out how she was acting. And she did make an attempt to quit going out as much but all she suddenly cared about was having friends. I felt horrible for saying what i said to her so i apologized and promised things would change, she said shed come back [probably. i cleaned the apt and did everything i normally didnt do. I tried talking to her every day but she wouldnt pay me any attention. I called her and i heard a tone in her voice i had never heard before and it just sounded like she didnt care. She said she wanted time but all her stuff was still at my apt. A week went by she didnt say anything to me. I had given up since she couldnt give me the time of day. I talked to all my friends they said it was over and that i had to move on. I tried one or two more times telling her things would be different i realized i was acting controlling, insecure, jealous, and clingy and the alch had gotten the best of me that night. She still didnt want to come back. It was around this time that i had heard that she was applying for jobs back home and planning on moving into an apt with her old friend who was recently divorced. This crushed me. How do you make a massive decision like that after only a week to think about it. This made no sense to me and i reached out one last time because she didnt know that i knew and i asked if she had anything she wanted to tell me. She said no and i told her that i knew about the interview and she was shocked i found out, i also knew about the apt and that she was serious about it but she wouldnt tell me. I then acted mean towards her saying i didnt want to play her games any longer and i knew what she was trying to manipulate me and lead me on that there was still hope. She said neither of us were taking this as hard as we should and this is what she truly wanted at least for now. I had also asked her to set a date so we could split up her stuff and something in her voice told me she was lying and that she was just gana show up when i wasnt around. So i went out and switched my locks. Sure enough the next day i get the text from her while im at work that shes here for her things and she didnt want any problems. I left work and let her in, i said i was disappointed that she lied to me and she said she didnt care and was in tears the whole time. i wasnt being nice but i didnt raise my voice once to her. after about an hour i couldnt take it anymore and i hugged her and said its a real shame it has to end this way. she kept crying and squeezed me and i told her id always be there for her and i wanted her back still. she eventually left and told me i had to pay her for the 2 pieces of furniture she bought. i didnt think this was fair considering i spent thousands on her everyday, if she wanted something i ran to the store to made sure she had it, including her tanning packages and nails and her 200$ hair straitener plus i spent about 500$ on christmas just on her. but she still demanded i pay her. I found out now that shes back home that she goes out every single night and is clearly talking to other guys. She knows i want her bak but im sure shes still planning on getting her apt. I have been doing my best not to talk to her and had to delete her fb theres nothing i want to see on there now. it just caused me pain to look at. All my friends tell me im much better off and how successful ive been, i have a good job and supported us both for a decent amount of time and have def come a long way. but now im out here alone and she no longer is interested in me and idk what to do. i offered to stop by on friday as i was back in town but she told me not to, clearly something was going on that i wouldnt of been a fan of and i suggested maybe we could get coffee on sunday to work on being friends which she agreed to, but i havent heard from her since and im having such a hard time i didnt think it would be a good idea seeing her so soon. how do u spend 2 years of your life with someone and just quit caring about them completely after a week and make all these life changes without even really talking to me about the whole situation. she didnt feel i needed to know about her apt or job since we werent dating anymore. i just need some advice, i joined a local gym and have been meeting new people at work and others out here. i got over her once im sure i can do it again but its easier said than done. she literally just texted me about not going out sunday idk what to do about that, deep down i do want her back but maybe am better off without her.. i was the only one putting in all the effort into this relationship only to be thrown to the curb any feedback is appreciated. she says i still mean alot to her and she loves me and she wants to be friends but... yeah what good is that
Author z00m25 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 and sorry this is so long, was helping writing everything out, im trying to keep NC in place but thats equally hard. i know this is probably for the best, i need to find myself again i was to reliant on her and now i dont know what to expect and just want the pain to go away.
depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 The pain will go away I promise, take solace that most people have been hurt but they still love again, forgetting the pain. You will be stronger for it. All classic advice but because it's true. You'll be tougher for it in the long run.
Author z00m25 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 deep down i do believe that, i left out the fact that now shes bff with all the friends that stabbed her in the back before virtually over night, if i can get through this i know ill be a stronger person. she texted me a few times today but nothing out of the ordinary. its just really hard not having anyone out here now. and i still cant believe shes getting her own place this quick..
Author z00m25 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 well another day went passed surprisingly. good to know im still alive without her. yesterday after work i felt horrible again and had no motivation to do anything. Called up some friends and family and they told me to force myself to go to the gym. I did and that really helped, and managed to go grocery shopping as well, figured it was time to eat a little bit healthier. After all that i think i even managed to fall asleep for once . Still in shock that she let me go so easily and found out she is still getting her place but I'm in a better mood so far, i really hope it lasts =S
pinkie Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Sounds like you have control issues to me... You can't control people. If you love someone, you love them because of who they are, not who you want them to be. Otherwise, (if they're smart) they leave. That's why it hurts. You couldn't control her. She was trying to maintain a sense of her identity, she lost her friends. People need other people in their lives, you can't be 'everything' to someone. Learn from this.
Author z00m25 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 yup that was def my problem and i realize this now and how i was acting had to be so unattractive. I was just trying to look out for her tho and i did everything with good intentions. I was so worried about someone else breaking us up that i in turn did it myself. I think i kind of had a right to be mad tho, she was flirting with someone else under my nose and she admitted to sneaking around so "i wouldnt get upset" about it. its just so hard losing my best friend and now having noone. oh well back to the gym for me for now!
Author z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 welp another day has passed still NC, getting easier starting to get more angry than upset. heard shes bad talking me back home when i know i treated her good. yeah i had control issues with her talking to other guys but my friends reminded me that i wasnt allowed to talk to girls or guys lmao and that i havent hung out with them since august of 2010. so looking forward to seeing all of them, apparently its pissing her off that im going out with my friends. good. thought i was going on 3-4 weeks without her but its only been 16 days lmao. how time flies..haha but reading this forum and other peoples storys is helping for sure
Author z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 uh oh, she broke nc after 17 days to let me know how ridiculous she thought it was that i could now drive home every week but couldnt do it then when she wanted to and i hated it there. any advice on what to do? i dont want to ignore her but lets face it, this is basically the first thing shes said in how long? and honestly i didnt find it logical to drive home 3 hours every week just to sit around her house and maybe take her out to dinner, now i can actually go out and see my friends and do the things i never could before!
Author z00m25 Posted January 26, 2011 Author Posted January 26, 2011 well i let her know why i was hanging out with my friends more and she was a complete bitch to me, i think shes actually making this easier with her constant partying, talking to everyone and their brother, and treating me like im nothing. lol. not as sad after that little text convo as i thought id be
Author z00m25 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 been a couple days since ive posted anything. i got her tax thing in the mail and i texted her mom that i would rather drop it off with her than see her daughter. and i guess she found out so she texted me asking about it. that was 2 days ago then i got a phone call yesterday.. chose not to answer. idk how i feel about anything now, tried going out every day this last weekend but it just doesnt feel the same anymore. im sure she had alot of fun at all the clubs over the weekend being 19 lmao. is there anyway to induce an amnesia to forget the last 2 years of your life? i think that would work pretty good
lululucy Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 If she phones or texts again for aaaany reason, just don't answer. It will do no good. If any more mail comes for her, either just drop it off at her mom's house or even forward it to her through Fedex. My motto at the moment is "Fake it till you make it". Keep going out, making new friends (not dating!) and enjoying yourself.. soon it will not be faking it anymore.
Author z00m25 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 well i like that motto haha, thats what ive been doing my best to accomplish. its just so hard feeling this way having no real friends around here. everyone ive known is 3+ hours away so i can only see them on weekends when im off of work and it is pretty costly. ive been calling everyone nonstop. the people i know out here ive known for about 2 weeks but their good people. it would just be awesome to quit feeling this way all the time lol its at its worst before bed and first waking up.
Author z00m25 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 so got another random mean text today about how i accidently threw something of hers away and some other junk. not sure how to take it since shes all of a sudden a bitch and i already apologized for it, and when the last thing she said was how she wanted to keep me around in her life and be friends. lmao i dont know what i should do, i deleted the messages. good/bad idea?
is2008 Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 im going to go against the grain here and say that zoom WASN'T being controlling at all. when a girl behaves like that (goes out and sleeps at random guy's houses) or doesn't answer the phone at 4am etc, i find that completely rude and unacceptable. i can assure you this sort of behaviour would have me completely anxious and paranoid and therefore make me behave in a way i would not normally. i really feel for you and you deserve so much better. you're paying all the bills whilst she funds her party lifestyle?!!!!! forget that!!!! stick to NC and kick that piece of sh** to the curb!!
lululucy Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 Deleting the texts was good! She is trying to see if she still has some sort of pull over you -- no point giving her an ego boost now is there? If you've only known the people there for a few weeks, this is a perfect opportunity to cultivate new friendships with them. Especially if they're really great people, like you say. You need a support group around you (although LS has been better for me than anyone in my real life haha) Just keep up the NC.
Author z00m25 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 im going to go against the grain here and say that zoom WASN'T being controlling at all. when a girl behaves like that (goes out and sleeps at random guy's houses) or doesn't answer the phone at 4am etc, i find that completely rude and unacceptable. i can assure you this sort of behaviour would have me completely anxious and paranoid and therefore make me behave in a way i would not normally. i really feel for you and you deserve so much better. you're paying all the bills whilst she funds her party lifestyle?!!!!! forget that!!!! stick to NC and kick that piece of sh** to the curb!! i mean ill admit i did overreact a little bit but the **** she was pullin i think i had a right to get mad about, shes not even 21... shes 19 and was pulling all that, my friends never liked her because thats how she always was, she def cut back alot as we dated and she always said if we ever broke up shed go right back to her old ways. she wasted NO time at all.
evil hank Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 im going to go against the grain here and say that zoom WASN'T being controlling at all. when a girl behaves like that (goes out and sleeps at random guy's houses) or doesn't answer the phone at 4am etc, i find that completely rude and unacceptable. i can assure you this sort of behaviour would have me completely anxious and paranoid and therefore make me behave in a way i would not normally. i really feel for you and you deserve so much better. you're paying all the bills whilst she funds her party lifestyle?!!!!! forget that!!!! stick to NC and kick that piece of sh** to the curb!! I agree, if she doenst respect you, you deserve better. I had a similar thing happen and it seems to turned me into a doormat. Like you in the begining i saw signs, i brought em up, she fixed it and now i think she is back to her old ways. I think its also something to do with age, she doenst know what she wants, so until she grows up, its hard to tell. Just keep up NC and move foward, one day she will realize that she messed up but its already too late
Author z00m25 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 i actually caved and texted her back and actually feel alot better, she was mad that i hadnt been responding so i let her know how bitchy she had been everytime she reached out to me that i had no desire to speak to her and she was trying to start a fight but i just said i was over all of this nonsense and wished her a good day at work. i know im the bigger person and i know i will be better off. she didnt respect me at all, i was as loyal as they came and she would go out and constantly talk to other people and somehow it would always get reversed into everything being my fault! no idea how she always pulled that off haha and my buddies talked alot of sense into me that how if i did let her back in my life history would just continually repeat itself and id always be the one to get hurt. these forums def help im glad i found them
TheThinker Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 i actually caved and texted her back and actually feel alot better, she was mad that i hadnt been responding so i let her know how bitchy she had been everytime she reached out to me that i had no desire to speak to her and she was trying to start a fight but i just said i was over all of this nonsense and wished her a good day at work. i know im the bigger person and i know i will be better off. she didnt respect me at all, i was as loyal as they came and she would go out and constantly talk to other people and somehow it would always get reversed into everything being my fault! no idea how she always pulled that off haha and my buddies talked alot of sense into me that how if i did let her back in my life history would just continually repeat itself and id always be the one to get hurt. these forums def help im glad i found them Congrats Zoom ... Do you see that as a breakthrough ?? It seems that way from outside of the situation !!
evil hank Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 i actually caved and texted her back and actually feel alot better, she was mad that i hadnt been responding so i let her know how bitchy she had been everytime she reached out to me that i had no desire to speak to her and she was trying to start a fight but i just said i was over all of this nonsense and wished her a good day at work. i know im the bigger person and i know i will be better off. she didnt respect me at all, i was as loyal as they came and she would go out and constantly talk to other people and somehow it would always get reversed into everything being my fault! no idea how she always pulled that off haha and my buddies talked alot of sense into me that how if i did let her back in my life history would just continually repeat itself and id always be the one to get hurt. these forums def help im glad i found them Thats one thing i hated, how her doing messed up **** would be my fault, check out borderline personallity disorder, its a very comon sign. good job man
Author z00m25 Posted January 31, 2011 Author Posted January 31, 2011 Congrats Zoom ... Do you see that as a breakthrough ?? It seems that way from outside of the situation !! honestly its still early on but i know im making progress. i think i miss having a relationship and having someone to do everything with more than i actually miss her at this point lmao. i know i still need some time before i start dating again, wouldnt be fair to another girl.
TheThinker Posted January 31, 2011 Posted January 31, 2011 honestly its still early on but i know im making progress. i think i miss having a relationship and having someone to do everything with more than i actually miss her at this point lmao. i know i still need some time before i start dating again, wouldnt be fair to another girl. Well you seem to have your head screwed on - Well done for realising these things and moving on. :):):)
Author z00m25 Posted February 1, 2011 Author Posted February 1, 2011 well another new day. feels like this has turned into like an online diary but it helps looking back to see some of the progress ive made. Forced myself to go out with some new friends i made last night, was fun but kind of regretting it since i barely got any sleep but oh well. Was occasionally using my brothers facebook to check out her page here and there..well ok maybe a lot, but asked him to change the password so i could stop that haha i know that wasn't healthy and need to break it like a bad habit. Still kind of sad but I'm already starting to rebuild my self confidence from going to the gym and tanning. Let myself go a little to much i guess =P. Also realizing that a majority of the reason I think i've been so sad was that I am on the shyer side and being around her was the first girl I could be myself around and I'm worried ill never have that again. Def trying to stir up conversation with people more often but I've always had troubles talking to girls in the past and the fear of looking stupid is def there. Guess soon it will be time to quit looking for break up advice and start looking for dating tips =D. Wish me luck
Author z00m25 Posted February 2, 2011 Author Posted February 2, 2011 Interesting night last night, took a nap around 5:30 since I hadn't been getting much sleep the next few days, was highly focused on the relationship cant seem to get by that when sleeping or waking up. Woke up and saw the clock was 7:30 and I freaked out thinking I was late for work, rushed to get ready thought i was going to get in all kinds of trouble until I moused over my pc clock and it was 7:30 pm. Was never more relieved before in my life hahaha but jeez was that stressful. Played some video games with friends online and fell back asleep around 1 or 2. This morning I was looking at random articles on here and came across http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=263239 . This describes my ex perfectly and it is reassuring to know she has this. I have no doubt. She would always become angry whenever I pointed out her flaws, always was seeking attention (facebook uploaded everything we did, and this was always annoying), she was always so overconcerned with how other people saw her as and loved trying to make other people jealous, and this also explains how she could give up her friends like nothing and also why she acted the way she did after we broke up. Don't get me wrong im still sad about the whole thing but I have no doubt she and her sister as well as some of her friends all have this, so that can't be good with them all hanging out haha.
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