smashalasha Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 There is this boy I've been chatting with online. He's very easy and fun to talk to, we can talk about most anything and joke around. Early on he talked about meeting up for a first date sometime, I said sure, since he said we can just meet up and hang out and if there is no chemistry or we don't hit it off, we could always be friends. We've got a lot in common, and a similar sense of humor, so that's why we'd probably be good friends. Anyway, a week ago, I asked him in a message online if he still wanted to hang out sometime. He said, yeah, I'm just not sure when though. (We are an hour apart). Then he asked if I wanted to go see a movie, the movie he mentioned isn't out until May though, haha. But I told him yeah, that would be fun, whenever that is. I am interested in meeting him. As long as I know it's gonna happen eventually, I'm cool with that, I don't need to meet him TOMORROW haha honestly it's still really fun just chatting to him, we chat 2 to 3 times a week for several hours at a time. I just don't want to slip into the friend zone with him or something... however he talks to me for several hours in a row, doesn't that mean something? Anyway, since I already directly asked him if he still wanted to hang out in person, I feel like there isn't much more I can do. I wondered if he really does still want to hang out, but due to distance or other things maybe he's having second thoughts. Last night he asked about what I was cooking and I mentioned I needed other people to cook for, just since I end up with so many leftovers. And he said "if it wasn't so far." So see, kind of dancing around the subject. I was thinking about next time asking him more about some of his interests, tell him he's really fun to talk to (or other compliments that are easy to fit into the conversation), and was also thinking about asking if he wanted to play a video game with me. He'd mentioned a few weeks ago, after I said I needed someone else to play an xbox game with, that we should hook it up sometime. Are these good things to do? What else could I do to flirt a little? I'm just not sure, since he did technically ask me to a movie, even though it's not out for four months haha... He's a 20 year old college student, by the way, I'm a 22 year old grad student (different schools).
tigressA Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 If he really was interested in meeting you he would've made plans by now. That "seeing a movie that doesn't come out until May" is super-lame BS. And you're being way too accepting of this behavior. If you want to, come right out and ask him if he's free on a particular day at a particular time to do a particular activity. If he hems and haws or says no and doesn't offer an alternate date, he isn't interested and you should cut contact with him unless you really are fine with being friends. Your post says otherwise, though.
depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Be careful he isn't hiding a girlfriend. Some people just get off the attention on the attention of emailing or calling, it creates a fantasy which of course changes face to face.
O'Malley Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 It makes no sense that he can chat online for several hours a week, but he can't make the the time to travel an hour to meet you, or invite you to visit him. Unless he's back burnering you for reasons of his own. You can ask him to meet up on a specific day, but I have the feeling that the online chats is all the investment he plans on putting in.
Author smashalasha Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 So there is a tea factory near his town that I've been wanting to tour. So I'm considering next weekend going down there to see that, maybe I'll bring a friend, and then telling him about my plans and since I'll be in the area, if he wants to meet up or hang out for a bit. THAT way if he says no (assuming he didn't already have plans, if he already had plans I would not expect him to cancel them for me), then I know he must not be interested. Or is ridiculously shy. Because I would literally be in the same city, it would be so easy to meet up. He wouldn't have to drive any farther than normal. Or could even walk. I'm gonna go to the tea factory whether he wants to meet me or not, because I've been wanting to. It just gives me a good excuse to see if he'll meet me. And about being just friends, I was okay with being just friends only after we met up and there was no attraction (but ideally there WILL be attraction haha). So would that be a good plan? Find out if he has plans or not, then casually ask if he wants to meet up since I will happen to be in the area?
tigressA Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Just tell him you're going to the tea factory and ask him if he wants to meet with you there. Don't plan to bring a friend and then ask him--you want this to be just the two of you. And as you said, if he says no (and doesn't offer an alternate date/plan to meet up) he isn't interested.
Author smashalasha Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Oh okay I meant I'd meet with him after I did the tea tour, I'm not sure if the tea thing would be his thing haha but actually I could just invite him to that, too. Meh I'll see how it goes. Like I said he's easy and fun to talk to, I'm sure if I invited him to tea and he didn't want to do that I could just say well I'm gonna do that, and then ask if he wants to meet up afterward. Hmmmmm... any other suggestions or comments? Thanks everyone for the help, as well.
Bluemoo Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Since the movie that he wants to see isn't out for another 4 months, couldn't you suggest another one that is due out sooner!?
tigressA Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Since the movie that he wants to see isn't out for another 4 months, couldn't you suggest another one that is due out sooner!? I honestly would've written the guy off after he said something like that to me. That was utterly lame and it strongly hints at the OP being low-priority to this guy. But if she doesn't mind being back-burner material, more power to her.
mortensorchid Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I have gone by a certain rule of thumb when attempting to meet people online. If the person has not asked to meet you, or even offered their phone number, within four emails, then they are not interested in meeting face to face. I have known people who have had weeks if not months of correspondence with people online (either IM or email) and they always complain "He won't ask to meet". Well, honestly he's not going to ask to meet you at this point. Or, if you do meet for that tea factory trip you mentioned, you will never hear from him again. So don't hold your breath that this will go someplace. If you have already made the plan for the tea factory outing, by all means go. But don't be disappointed if he doesn't show up for the outing or if you never hear from him again after that.
Author smashalasha Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 It's okay, I don't consider myself currently on the backburner. He isn't my only option. I just don't want to write him off until either: we meet in person and there is a lack of attraction for one or both of us, OR, he doesn't make solid plans with me this week. It's not like I was going to do my plan of asking him to something specific on a specific day, and if he didn't follow through STILL want to date him after that hahaha. If he doesn't make solid plans with me this week, then I will no longer pursue dating him. Simply a friendship. Why not keep him as an online pen pal? He's still fun and easy to talk to even if he doesn't wanna go on a date with me... I'd still be a friend. Thanks again! Maybe I'll update in a week and let you all know how it all shakes out.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 There is this boy I've been chatting with online. He's very easy and fun to talk to, we can talk about most anything and joke around. Early on he talked about meeting up for a first date sometime, I said sure, since he said we can just meet up and hang out and if there is no chemistry or we don't hit it off, we could always be friends. We've got a lot in common, and a similar sense of humor, so that's why we'd probably be good friends. Anyway, a week ago, I asked him in a message online if he still wanted to hang out sometime. He said, yeah, I'm just not sure when though. (We are an hour apart). Then he asked if I wanted to go see a movie, the movie he mentioned isn't out until May though, haha. But I told him yeah, that would be fun, whenever that is. I am interested in meeting him. As long as I know it's gonna happen eventually, I'm cool with that, I don't need to meet him TOMORROW haha honestly it's still really fun just chatting to him, we chat 2 to 3 times a week for several hours at a time. I just don't want to slip into the friend zone with him or something... however he talks to me for several hours in a row, doesn't that mean something? Anyway, since I already directly asked him if he still wanted to hang out in person, I feel like there isn't much more I can do. I wondered if he really does still want to hang out, but due to distance or other things maybe he's having second thoughts. Last night he asked about what I was cooking and I mentioned I needed other people to cook for, just since I end up with so many leftovers. And he said "if it wasn't so far." So see, kind of dancing around the subject. I was thinking about next time asking him more about some of his interests, tell him he's really fun to talk to (or other compliments that are easy to fit into the conversation), and was also thinking about asking if he wanted to play a video game with me. He'd mentioned a few weeks ago, after I said I needed someone else to play an xbox game with, that we should hook it up sometime. Are these good things to do? What else could I do to flirt a little? I'm just not sure, since he did technically ask me to a movie, even though it's not out for four months haha... He's a 20 year old college student, by the way, I'm a 22 year old grad student (different schools). Now this interaction rings of a very healthy, very promising online friendship-destined-for-the-possibility-of-more. If he's an hour away, announce plans to get yourself to his area, and meet him at a designated place, and then go through with them. Tell him: "just be yourself and we'll have a great time" The best parts will be how smoothly the conversation flows between you, for each knowing the pawns in the life of the other suitable for questions. Approach with confidence and be sure to spend lots of time in a public place before becoming *inspired* to take it private. PS - I'm NOT getting good vibes about the tea factory...
Author smashalasha Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 PS - I'm NOT getting good vibes about the tea factory... hahahaha me either. I never meant to imply I was inviting HIM to a tea factory tour. That's what I was planning on doing with friends, and AFTER I was done with that, I was going to stop in his town to meet up with him. I don't know if I want to date a guy who thinks Tea Factory Tour is a great first date...............
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I don't know if I want to date a guy who thinks Tea Factory Tour is a great first date............... Now in all fairness, you must be clear: IF YOU yourself suggest the "tea factory tour" as a first date, and if he accepts that, then you cannot legitimately judge him on anything beyond taking/accepting your suggestion (... just because YOU made it). IF, on the other hand, he comes out of the blue and tells you "there is this great tea factory nearby, and I think it would make for a great spot for us to meet"... then, (and only if it is anything short of that) you are free to label him as "a guy who thinks Tea Factory Tour is a great first date".
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