vtbrokenhearted Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I really do want NC want my stbx, but in the back of my head I've been thinking, "If we could just figure out the financial stuff on our own, it would make life a lot easier." I've met with him twice in the past two weeks and we came to no good resolution. He just sat there and told me what he wanted as far as property goes and, I can't even explain it other than, he begins to sound like a child. He doesn't understand. Yesterday I just lost it on him again; I haven't in two and a half months, but I couldn't help it. He was just acting so selfish. All of a sudden I started to cry and said, "I can't believe I spent nine years with you." He's totally abandoned the house, me, and he just comes back to get stuff. I don't want to see him anymore. I'm so tired, physically, mentally, emotionally that I can't take trying anymore. I'm at the point where I just want to say, "Fine, have it all." I've been told by family and close friends not to give in, that that's what I've always done. The problem: I still need to send him the breakdown of what he owes in terms of bills. So, I know it's pretty obvious, but I'm needing some validation; do I only email him the breakdown and that's it? I feel like everything that's happening is now fighting about who gets this and who gets that. It is extremely saddening to me. I've never argued with anyone about money like I have with him. It makes me feel sick. Please just tell me exactly what I'm supposed to do with NC. Some people have said it before, but I need it said once again. I need to read it, and I'm ready to really start. I'm done thinking that he can compromise and work through this in not so negative a way. Thank you.
WTRanger Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Is your ex a boyfriend or a husband? Are your properties in only one of your names or joint accounts? I don't know if you can, but it may be worth looking into a lawyer to get this stuff worked out. Especially if they are joint accounts. Or at the very least a mediator. Obviously, while the bills are still needing to be discussed NC doesn't work. However, you ONLY need to talk about bills. If he starts bringing up other topics, shut him down or walk away. This is only about finalizing bills and bills alone. Once you get that taken care of, then it is total NC for as long as you need.
Author vtbrokenhearted Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 He's my husband. Alright,I'm going to try NC except about the bills. I have a lawyer; I'm waiting for the mediation conference to be scheduled, but I thought if I could just work it out with him, it would cost me less. Obviously that's not happening. I've also just been getting really tired with having to do everything on my own. I know I sound like a whiner, but while I'm shoveling out and trying to get my car started in -30 weather to drive to a job an hour away, he's hunky dory living rent free, free of all responsibilities at the the human resource director's (of his work) house a two minute walk from his work. It's selfish of me, but I want him to take care of some of the responsibilities. Everything is owned jointly. I've taken care of the bank account and have my own account now. If I could just email him once about the bills and him send the money, that would be great, but that's not how it's happened. I waited two months for the first check, but it took a lot of hounding. He also emails me to tell me he will come back but he's not ready to right now. He emailed me today to tell me he'd probably be back to help take care of things at the end of February. I'm done believing and I don't really know what to do. Just keep on taking care of everything he's abandoned?! I'm just becoming overwhelmed. It's been four months and I'm tired of it all.
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