Memories are haunting

[SimonSerenade]

So lately I'd been doing quite well without her, Went no contact early november after 2 and a half months of torment before hand, She gave me some Christmas presents which pretty much gave me false hope, Broke no contact and had my hopes quickly crushed so went back to no contact then I go through a hectic week for one reason or another and contact her, God knows why I broke no contact but to my surprise she emailed me back in a pretty calm fashion, Was still a pretty heartless response mind.

 

She pretty much stated that it was over and that she had completely healed over the break up and told me I would be the same too someday soon, She said she was happy where she stood and didn't want a man in her life in that way, She then went on to say that she realised she isn't the relationship type (thanks for telling me 3 years and a child together later ), She said she needed to tell me that to put my mind at ease, She also went on to say if I loved her I'd leave her alone even though I don't really maintain contact with her anyway, She also went on to say she'd love nothing more than to be friends with me for our son's sake (Nah that ship sailed when she made no effort what so ever after the break up to maintain that).

 

I replied briefly to it with something like "okay I understand.", I thought that email would of brought me closure but it didn't, I geuss you can't take much from an email, Figured our relationship at least deserved a face to face goodbye, Could of at least sorted things out for our son that way.

 

I accepted the relationship had pretty much ran its course and it was over, I accepted life without her and though I still have my sad moments about it, It's nowhere near the pain I was going through in the beginning, I think the difficulty I'm facing now is knowing the reality of the situation, She's gone for good, Has no feelings for me anymore what so ever and she ain't coming back, I thought she had g.i.g.s but now I'm not too sure.

 

What seems to be eating away at me is that I want to move on and be happy with someone again yet when I try and think of that life, My heart breaks cause it ain't her, The memories are somehow all good now, I remember her for the great person she was rather than the heartless person she's become.

 

I remember the pregnancy, That especially hits me the hardest, Just planning ahead for our family life, Being so close to her and going to bed every night with her by my side, Cuddling her tightly, Wooping her ass on Wii games, Watching countless Anime's together, We shared so much, Despite it's petty flaws, I just knew there was a love in our relationship that I can't seem to see myself replacing or even coming close to having it as good as I did with her.

 

Maybe it's because she's the mother of my child and I find it hard to come to terms that the future we had ahead of us for our family isn't going to ahead as planned, I know now though that I could never take her back should she ever change her mind, Not after the pain she saw me go through, How she stood by and watched while I degraded myself at her feet time after time just begging for some kind words that can bring about an easier time.

 

I geuss what I'm asking for is some perspective and some help on how I can move past these memories and bring myself to being with another.

[Adi]

Hey, i no how you feel, im doing ok now, but i still have those thoughts, when we were on the beach or what ever, what gets me is at the time i dint no how special it was, my advice is this.

 

all you can do is learn, and take your time, say too yourself, im giving myself 3 years, too find someone great again, im 30 and since being 16 i have been deep in love twice, so now im thinking if i have done it twice, i can do it a 3rd time.

 

But when you find the women, and you will i promise, learn from your past. My next love, i will never let her go.

 

Your from Manchester England, check out a guy called John Starkey, he is a pysic, from wolves, i saw him, 5 months ago, 3 thing he said would happen have, but it maid me realise, we prop have no choice any way what will be will be lol

[Miss_G]

Trust me when I say, I am feeling almost your exact pain.

 

My boyfriend and I split after nearly 4 years. It was heart-breaking stuff. I initiated it because we were arguing for stupid reasons and because of depression I suffered after having our son/no sleep/being a stay at home mum and struggling to get work, I took a lot out on him. For that I have apologised. He never accepted. He, however, was not without his faults.

We have been separated since September but have dated on and off inbetween. We were 'working on things' but out of nowhere he stops contacting and when I ask if he still wants to work on things he states that he doesn't think things will get better, thus ending things.

 

There have been countless arguements between my family, me and his parents which hasn't helped the situation and he has stood by his parents on all occasions. Whenever things go well with us, he goes home, speaks to them and then ignores me for days on end. Not good when, like you, there is a baby involved.

 

Like you, I am thinking about the wonderful things that we have experienced together. To think my son will never remember his parents together breaks my heart. I am still in denial hoping that one day he will wake up and realise that he wants to be together but I know the likelihood is that he not going to.

 

I comfort myself by trying to tell myself OVER AND OVER that the loving person I knew has gone. Unlike your ex, mine has said he still loves me, but this only adds to the heartbreak. I can find no jusitifiable reason why we shouldn't be together. He says he has split because he's sick of me talking to him like *&%£ which I have but have apologised. I am not that person and I have loved and cared for him like no one before. He forgets all this.

 

We are in a place of thinking of the positives of our relationship whilst they are focussing on our negatives. This is what drives them away and us towards. You need to move forward with your relationship feeling that there is someone out there you haven't met yet or had feelings for yet. This is the person you deserve and when you are with them you will realise that they are the reason things did not work out with the ex. You had to have ex in order to have your child and THAT is the only reason they have been brought into your life. They are not the 'love of it'. Alternatively, you and ex may need time apart to clear your head. In 6 months or even 6 years you may find a way back. You now have a connection for life, one that no one at this moment in time shares other than you too.

 

In the meantime keep yourself busy. It will hurt. Just cry, let it all out. Do whatever it is that makes you feel better. I like a nice glass of wine (or 10 ) and some chocolate. I just try to focus on myself and my son. If you are happy with yourself and confident in who you are she will soon realise what a great catch she lost.

[SimonSerenade]

Hey, i no how you feel, im doing ok now, but i still have those thoughts, when we were on the beach or what ever, what gets me is at the time i dint no how special it was, my advice is this.

 

all you can do is learn, and take your time, say too yourself, im giving myself 3 years, too find someone great again, im 30 and since being 16 i have been deep in love twice, so now im thinking if i have done it twice, i can do it a 3rd time.

 

But when you find the women, and you will i promise, learn from your past. My next love, i will never let her go.

 

Your from Manchester England, check out a guy called John Starkey, he is a pysic, from wolves, i saw him, 5 months ago, 3 thing he said would happen have, but it maid me realise, we prop have no choice any way what will be will be lol

 

 

Damn that just reminded me of another memory of going away for the week with her, Walking on the beach holding hands, Really connecting, Was a quite peaceful and lovely week, Time's like that I never forget and cherish most.

 

I'm 23 and I've had 2 long term meaningful relationships but I geuss what hits the hardest is how I finally thought it was it this time, Nobody else for the rest of my life sort of feeling, I feel my ex put me through the worst pain I will ever feel so in a way she's made/making me strong, I've learned a lot from the break up about myself and about life in general, Some good some bad but either way they won't make a difference to her but I know somebody else will benefit from it in the future, I can at least take peace of mind from that.

 

I'll have to seek this guy out, See what he has to say, I believe we all have a fate, I think I'd feel better to know either one of three things, "She's going to want me back" "I'm going to find somebody who can top her in every department" or "im not going to live long :D".

[SimonSerenade]

Trust me when I say, I am feeling almost your exact pain.

 

My boyfriend and I split after nearly 4 years. It was heart-breaking stuff. I initiated it because we were arguing for stupid reasons and because of depression I suffered after having our son/no sleep/being a stay at home mum and struggling to get work, I took a lot out on him. For that I have apologised. He never accepted. He, however, was not without his faults.

We have been separated since September but have dated on and off inbetween. We were 'working on things' but out of nowhere he stops contacting and when I ask if he still wants to work on things he states that he doesn't think things will get better, thus ending things.

 

There have been countless arguements between my family, me and his parents which hasn't helped the situation and he has stood by his parents on all occasions. Whenever things go well with us, he goes home, speaks to them and then ignores me for days on end. Not good when, like you, there is a baby involved.

 

Like you, I am thinking about the wonderful things that we have experienced together. To think my son will never remember his parents together breaks my heart. I am still in denial hoping that one day he will wake up and realise that he wants to be together but I know the likelihood is that he not going to.

 

I comfort myself by trying to tell myself OVER AND OVER that the loving person I knew has gone. Unlike your ex, mine has said he still loves me, but this only adds to the heartbreak. I can find no jusitifiable reason why we shouldn't be together. He says he has split because he's sick of me talking to him like *&%£ which I have but have apologised. I am not that person and I have loved and cared for him like no one before. He forgets all this.

 

We are in a place of thinking of the positives of our relationship whilst they are focussing on our negatives. This is what drives them away and us towards. You need to move forward with your relationship feeling that there is someone out there you haven't met yet or had feelings for yet. This is the person you deserve and when you are with them you will realise that they are the reason things did not work out with the ex. You had to have ex in order to have your child and THAT is the only reason they have been brought into your life. They are not the 'love of it'. Alternatively, you and ex may need time apart to clear your head. In 6 months or even 6 years you may find a way back. You now have a connection for life, one that no one at this moment in time shares other than you too.

 

In the meantime keep yourself busy. It will hurt. Just cry, let it all out. Do whatever it is that makes you feel better. I like a nice glass of wine (or 10 ) and some chocolate. I just try to focus on myself and my son. If you are happy with yourself and confident in who you are she will soon realise what a great catch she lost.

 

 

 

I think my ex's family had something to do with it too, Most of the arguments were caused by her family poking there noses in all the time, Since our son was born, She was a pretty angry person, Lifted off like a rocket at the slightest little thing, Made me out to be something that I wasn't.

 

I'm in the same boat as you with the baby thing, I think that's what gets to me most, I see families out and about and around my neighbourhood and I get jealous cause that got taken away from me and I know that's gone forever, I just feel lost most of the time thinking of what I should be doing now which is sorting out my son for bed, Kissing her good night and living the good life.

 

I'm the same, I think me and my ex could of worked things out and we could of been better than ever but yet she just wouldn't of give it a try, Not like we haven't got something to try for, This is hardly the start in life I wanted my son to have, Being passed around from pillar to post, Looking at how beautiful he is, I find it hard to believe and her weren't meant to be together.

 

Most of my ex's, The important ones anyway have always come back after a year or so, Claiming the need to be friends then later on wanting more down the line, They always got rejected mind so I have no idea why this time feels different, I hope I gain some confidence and I hope I can make her wake up one day and miss me, My son's my world, Looking at him I can't help but feel sorry for him for being deprived of a good upbringing.