swfc_77 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 well its been 4 months since we broke up, NC for long periods which she broke on a few occasions, a few threads on here and today i feel like crap. been the last few days to be honest. im not sure what i miss, i dont want her back, i dont love her. i just feel like i have a huge hole in my chest, lonliness maybe. something that friends and family (no matter how many i have) can fill. i cannot be bothered with other women, in my mind im comparing them to her i cant seem to help it. looking back the relationship had its ups and downs, but i miss the closeness we shared. she was my best friend, she lived here with us and everything is so quiet and empty now. i miss making her a cup of tea before work at 5am, i miss holding her hand while driving to work in the cold, i miss making her breakfast on a saturday morning and looking at her with no make-up on in her dressing gown being proud of where i was with life. im single now and the world is my oyster, but things just dont seem as exciting anymore. i can imagine myself with another women but i cant imagine having the same raw feelings i did for my ex. i have been blamed for the break-up when all i did was try my best, i dont understand how when you give your all to someone they take it and throw it aside when they have exhausted every aspect of you. it was hard for me to let her in so deeply i'v never done that before, a bit worried to do it again. 4 months, 120+ days and i still think about her every day, not upset but she's just still there in my mind, im just waiting for the day when she meets the next guy and i become the ex and it scares me to think about how she talked about the previous ex before me, that will be me soon. i think its just the lonliness thats killin me, running around the house fighting, messing around it just seems so quiet. i remember xmas 09/10 driving for 150 miles to buy her a gift she didn't know she wanted and the look on her face when she got it, she had tears in her eyes at how happy she was, me too at how proud i was. that feeling will stay with me for a long time. i dont know what "stage" im at some days im good, some days im bad. i dont know if i'v fully accepted that its done with, we spoke over xmas and she wanted something from me so she turned the charm on and acted like the girl i knew, then turned into the cold hearted girl that appears from no-where. i suppose im just confused because i dont want her and i dont love her, but i do miss her and our time together. i suppose it just saddens me that something i thought was special and worth fighting for turned out to be nothing more than a crappy relationshipwith a self-obbsessed, dis-respecting, mis-guided young girl. im not after advice or sympathy, i'v had my fair share on here. just needed to get it off my chest.
SimonSerenade Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 This is the part I'm struggling with now, A part of me still loves her though, The good memories are all that remain rather than a combination of both and I'm finding it very hard to see memories like that with somebody else in my future, The memories I cherish most is in the beginning when I was 100% sure she loved and cherished me, When she was pregnant and our life and dreams were starting together, The future looked very bright back then, I just listen to songs now that we used to love together and anime's we used to watch together and I just bring myself back to times where we'd be cuddled up on the couch or bed and she'd look in my eyes with a look of love, Then there was the moment our child was born and I just remember kissing em both on the forehead, The world never felt so right as It did in that moment. It's moments that good that make it extremely difficult to move on and accept that it's really over for good, She told me she'd completely healed from the relationship and is happiest on her own (what a bitch >.>) so geuss now it's time for me to do the same, As for how... Well I'm in the same boat as you, The home we once shared feels cold and lonesome now, Filled with memories and all the stuff we bought together, Meh...
strangeways Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 i suppose it just saddens me that something i thought was special and worth fighting for turned out to be nothing more than a crappy relationshipwith a self-obbsessed, dis-respecting, mis-guided young girl. I'm right there with you mate. I could have written it myself. The above quote is EXACTLY how I feel. More so since that nonsense email I got last week. I feel like I'm at a bit of a crossroads. Way better than I was but still looking back too much for some reason. Maybe it's the idea of finally letting go that's got me stuck. Think I need a concerted effort to make that (hopefully) final push and get her right out of my head. Just got to work out how to do it.
bl22 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 im single now and the world is my oyster, but things just dont seem as exciting anymore. i can imagine myself with another women but i cant imagine having the same raw feelings i did for my ex. This scares me also, i believe ill meet someone again, but after being betrayed i dont feel Ill be able to put everything into it just incase it happens again. I cant see myself having the same playful bond i had with my ex with the new person plus ive hardened up since the break up through no fault of my own. Whether this is a good thing or not i dont know but the barriers are up right now.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 simon - thats harsh mate what she said about being healed, i wouldn't say that to anyone whose feelings it could hurt. i know its a lot harder for you mate having a young'n and had your own home with her. sounds like she might have said that to hurt you intentionally, i might be wrong. but surely there are better ways to go about it than saying that. strangeways - yeah mate, its still tough isn't it. my mind is mashed. i dont want her, i know it deep inside. but i miss the closeness we shared, i really hope i can feel that again with some one else, but at the moment even with a few women interested, i just cant be arsed and i feel like i couldn't give 100% to the next girl so soon. i do look back at good memories like you said in your thread simon, but i just realised those good memories were made by me most of the time, my thought and my effort made the good memories. she did try bless her, but 3 hours in primark trying not to look at the other girls was not my ideal sat afternoon i actually turned the phone off today and sat around the house feeling sorry for myself from 5.30am this morning, sacked work of which is not like me and just sat thinking, it did **** all for me, i feel no better. i will feel no better tomorrow either when the contracts manager strings me up and i tell him this is over a 20 yr old girl. i look forward to the day i can look back at this and laugh, really laugh. i look forward to the day i see her and we talk, and i have no emotions or feelings for her anymore. i look forward to the day where i can walk away from her and not look back anymore.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 how you 2 doing anyways - strangeways & Bl22 your getting there right? eventually
marqueemoon4 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 its so unnatural how dumpers focus 100% on bad things and dumpees can't help but only think of the good times. I wish I had been the dumper.
Author swfc_77 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 I wish I had been the dumper. dont we all, but then again im a problem solver not a runner.
angelboots Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 I am at the four months mark too and i feel the same way. I worry my walls are too high up now for anyone to break through but i kind of dont care. Not in a negative way though, all the other areas in my life are going great, but some how its hollow with out him. I accept that its over. but part of me still is stuck missing hes presence in my life and I still think about him a lot. I still get sad and I am sure he was the end of my childish belief in real, soul ripping love. I also compare everyone to him, to how i felt when i was with him. I was blissfully content. oh well lol such is life huh.
i made a mess Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 its so unnatural how dumpers focus 100% on bad things and dumpees can't help but only think of the good times. I wish I had been the dumper. This isn't 100% true for all dumpers. I was the dumper, but not because I had made this resolution to move on, wasn't interested, or there was anyone else. I had a really hard time just being in the relationship and letting my guard down, so I'd run when we'd get too close. I look back at all the good times we had and miss him so much. The way he talks in his sleep, the way he says "mmmm" with each bite when he's eating a meal I cooked, the way he could calm me down, the way he lit up when he would talk about his family, friends, his career, when he would see me. He would sing to me, knew just how to touch me...I miss everything about him. I'm not lonely, but I'm lonely for him. I can be alone and get by day to day...I just wish he were here. I have no desire to date anyone else right now and still pray for another chance to get things right.
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