TigerCub Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 god women's opinions on guys is so negative it borders on offensive. Most guys don't want to just get laid. haha - then I guess you're not a woman that's been on PlentyOfFish seriously though. I think that of course there are douchy guys out there(in the world), but there are also great guys too. I'm lucky to have found one of the good ones But just like some guys think that most women are skanky gold diggers, some women think that most guys are douchebags just lookin to get laid. We all have to give people a chance and weed out the ones we don't want.
zengirl Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) Thanks everyone! And yes, Zen girl, men (and women) everywhere are wanting to get laid. For me, the real life guys don't treat me like it's their last day of freedom before they are imprisoned for life. Real life guys display better manners and have the attitude "if it happens, it happens and if it doesn't it will happen with someone else." Online guys have treated me like they haven't had sex in 10 years and they're never going to get it again. The last guy kept gripping my hair, not lightly running his fingers thru it, he was gripping it as if he were orgasiming and kept telling me how much he wanted me and that I was the woman he'd been looking for all his life. ok...this guy was 46...he's never "felt this way before" about anyone else, but suddenly an online girl he's know for 20 minutes is the "one he's been looking for???" He wasn't touching my back either, he wrapped his arms around me and kept squeezing my waist and I kept pulling him off of me. Well, I know what type of personality I'm attracted to and I guess guys with that personality don't need to date online. I like the guys are more reserved and have great manners. I like a guy who knows how to pace things and even be a little bit of a challenge. I don't want a commitment phobic jerk, but someone who doesn't feel the need to devour my body and claim me as "the woman of their dreams" on a coffee/lunch date. Way to put me off my lunch. That's gross, yes. And I've never had anything close to that experience from an online date. In fact, I've met more guys who tended to move slower that way. But, again, may be the age group, or the type we generally go for. I would've ended the date the first time I felt uncomfortable, personally. If a man I barely know is not taking a hint about physicality, I'm definitely out ASAP. FWIW, I didn't mean ALL guys just want to get laid. I meant there are men everywhere (you can find a guy like this anywhere) who just wants to get laid. And badly. Online, offline, whatever. Edited January 24, 2011 by zengirl
depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Ha, it sounds like my housemate who was dating a guy from online. When she finally caved into the sex bit wow he threw her round like a ragdoll, using all sorts of porn phrases on her and went for it like well a man that didn't know when his next lot was coming. :laugh: She was quite traumatised by it all, but told me i'd have 'loved it'!!
Jonno_S Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 For the first time, at the age of 42, I decided to try online dating. So far, it has lived up to all the stereotypes I had about it. The men are so freaking desperate to get laid. They act desperate in a way that is creepy and unnatural and lay on lines so slimey they seem straight out of a comedy. Also, they are way too touchy feely for first meets. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I need to delete my acct so that I won't waste anyone's time on anymore sexless coffee dates, Weird indeed. I have met a few females on-line but I never deviate from my "no kiss on the first date rule." And I wouldn't touch either. Not really responsive but just to give you hope that there are some less desperate types out there.
Little Bird Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I've only been on one date resulting from an online dating website, so I don't feel like my experience is representative, but the guy I went out with was not touchy feely or desperate at all. We're both in our mid 20's so maybe that's a factor. He probably feels he has more options and he's a good looking, smart guy, so he's less desperate. He knows there are other girls that probably would want him.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Why are online guys so eager/desperate? Your answer lies in the opposite question: You should be asking: "why are eager/desperate guys online (in such high concentrations)?" (and the answers should be obvious) (as are the related concerns contained in your first post)
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 They are hoping you are gullible enough to believe the bs because they are desperate.
Author SunsetRed Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 The site I've been using is Plenty of Fish. I chose that site because I don't want to be matched with anyone and I like being able to pick and choose people I might be compatible with. Problem is, people are not like their profiles and many of them use pictures that are 10 years old. Sith Apprentice's comment has some truth to it. Maybe these guys feel like they aren't going to get a 2nd or 3rd date, so they may as well try and accomplish everything on the first date (which is really a 1st meet, not a date). Since that seems to be the case, I think I should delete my acct so that I stop leading men on by accepting coffee dates with them. What's sad is, I think some of these men are seriously lonely as well and some of them seemed sincere about wanting a gf, it's just they want it too quick and don't seem to care who fills that role. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I will run if someone I've met only once starts to tell me how much he cares for, loves and wants me.
Curious-One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Guys that are good with women will not rely on getin women on the internet. Usually the only guys you will find on the internet are the anti social, awkward guys that are usualy to scared to approach girls. They are not necessarily bad guys, but dont expect them to sweep you of your feet with their convo.
irc333 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 HEre's MY theory. Said guy emails 100 women and he gets ignored of those 100 he gets response from 5 of them, after back and forth emails, 4 drop off the planet (ignore him), and the final ONE actually agrees to meet him for a date. By this time, this guy is so excited he can hardly contain himself. LOL So he's thinking, "wow, this could be the one" and tries to make THIS ONE date he actually succeeded in getting, and tries to make it COUNT. Just a theory though. Anyone?
jane100 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 isn't that the worst thing he could do though (however understandable)? how about some detachment from outcome ? although i (think i) want a relationship, i am also aware i am just a human being meeting another human being and who knows what we will learn from it.
GivenUp0083 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Sith Apprentice's comment has some truth to it. Maybe these guys feel like they aren't going to get a 2nd or 3rd date, so they may as well try and accomplish everything on the first date (which is really a 1st meet, not a date). Since that seems to be the case, I think I should delete my acct so that I stop leading men on by accepting coffee dates with them. What's sad is, I think some of these men are seriously lonely as well and some of them seemed sincere about wanting a gf, it's just they want it too quick and don't seem to care who fills that role. I don't want to hurt anyone, but I will run if someone I've met only once starts to tell me how much he cares for, loves and wants me. You should quit. Because all the best things in this world are supposed to come easily, right? It's not worth puting in effort or experiencing a little struggle on the way to getting what you really want and what will make you happy. Quitting is the perfect solution to all things that seem too hard at first. Guys that are good with women will not rely on getin women on the internet. Usually the only guys you will find on the internet are the anti social, awkward guys that are usualy to scared to approach girls. They are not necessarily bad guys, but dont expect them to sweep you of your feet with their convo. I take offense to this statement. Living in downtown Chicago where women are constantly hit on, I found myself meeting the same types of crazy party-girl, alcoholic, and egotistical women on a daily-life basis and the few I found interest in didn't have interest in me because I'm not tall, I'm not looking for a one night stand, and I'm not rich. I used the internet heavily for a year and a half to meet women for dating and it was still hard. But I found a perfect girl that I would've never met and I know that she adores me for how well I treat her. I'm a very social, intelligent, and funny person and she sees that, and I did online dating to find my girl. Saying what you said is like me saying that people who use the internet to find jobs are just really stupid people with no education and can't hold a steady job. That's how ridiculous and ignorant you sound. isn't that the worst thing he could do though (however understandable)? how about some detachment from outcome ? although i (think i) want a relationship, i am also aware i am just a human being meeting another human being and who knows what we will learn from it. This is the smartest thing anyone has said this whole thread. Online dating, like any kind if dating, is just meeting someone to get to know them without serious expectation. That's how I approached all my dates. If there is chemistry, you will feel it, then you can take the next step. Why does an online arranged date have to have all these rules and expectations? Why can't people just meet each other and enjoy the fun of meeting someone new and having friendly conversation?
Emilia Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 [quote=GivenUp0083;3213967 Online dating, like any kind if dating, is just meeting someone to get to know them without serious expectation. That's how I approached all my dates. If there is chemistry, you will feel it, then you can take the next step. Why does an online arranged date have to have all these rules and expectations? Why can't people just meet each other and enjoy the fun of meeting someone new and having friendly conversation? you are right and I wish I could have this attitude 100% of the time but some of the guys I chat with - and one I had a date with - turn out to be sooooo creepy. Honestly I don't think men experience this. In real life I would spot their creepiness from a mile and would not have to sit opposite of them thinking when is it the earliest I can leave politely or reading the filth they send me to my mobile
GivenUp0083 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 you are right and I wish I could have this attitude 100% of the time but some of the guys I chat with - and one I had a date with - turn out to be sooooo creepy. Honestly I don't think men experience this. In real life I would spot their creepiness from a mile and would not have to sit opposite of them thinking when is it the earliest I can leave politely or reading the filth they send me to my mobile Ok, do this: When they offer a date, say you'd like to meet for a drink. Set the expectation you don't want to be out late, that you just want to meet briefly. Then if it goes well you can stay. If not, you have your out. Also, don't give men your phone number. You can arrange the date via email. Some girls I went out with did this, they didn't give me their number until I asked for it after the first date, in which if he asks after a date and you weren't feeling it, you can let him down politely at that point.
Emilia Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Ok, do this: When they offer a date, say you'd like to meet for a drink. Set the expectation you don't want to be out late, that you just want to meet briefly. Then if it goes well you can stay. If not, you have your out. Also, don't give men your phone number. You can arrange the date via email. Some girls I went out with did this, they didn't give me their number until I asked for it after the first date, in which if he asks after a date and you weren't feeling it, you can let him down politely at that point. I disagree with that. I rather deal with some unpleasant texts than not have phone contact with them. My number one priority before meeting someone is to gauge their social skills because there are sooooo many socially awkward people on online dating sites. I cancelled a set up date once because the guy simply couldn't communicate. I have no desire to sit through a drink with someone like that. If a guy didn't give me his number I would not meet up with him because I would assume he is married. The expectation is always that it's a 'meet' but they always think (if they are interested) that it will turn into something more of course.
Jazzari Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The site I've been using is Plenty of Fish. I chose that site because I don't want to be matched with anyone and I like being able to pick and choose people I might be compatible with. Problem is, people are not like their profiles and many of them use pictures that are 10 years old.I quit Plenty of Fish after 10 minutes. Try Match.com They have a much better search feature and a better clientel, imho. You do have to subscribe but I think that helps weed out some of the less desirables. Guys that are good with women will not rely on getin women on the internet. Usually the only guys you will find on the internet are the anti social, awkward guys that are usualy to scared to approach girls. They are not necessarily bad guys, but dont expect them to sweep you of your feet with their convo.I totally disagree with this statement. The men I've met have all been very articulate and good with women. They tend to be successful professionals that are confident and fully capable of sweeping a woman off her feet. They don't care for the bar scene and are looking for a LTR. They are picky and know what they want. So its difficult for them to find someone offlline. Sure, there are plenty of men like you described. But there are some great guys online too.
Disillusioned Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 For the first time, at the age of 42, I decided to try online dating. So far, it has lived up to all the stereotypes I had about it. The men are so freaking desperate to get laid. They act desperate in a way that is creepy and unnatural and lay on lines so slimey they seem straight out of a comedy. Also, they are way too touchy feely for first meets. Does anyone else feel this way? I feel like I need to delete my acct so that I won't waste anyone's time on anymore sexless coffee dates, I gave up on it last November because the women are just as dodgy as the men are desperate.
irc333 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Yeah I have a policy to NEVER meet someone, unless I talk on the phone first. I disagree with that. I rather deal with some unpleasant texts than not have phone contact with them. My number one priority before meeting someone is to gauge their social skills because there are sooooo many socially awkward people on online dating sites. I cancelled a set up date once because the guy simply couldn't communicate. I have no desire to sit through a drink with someone like that. If a guy didn't give me his number I would not meet up with him because I would assume he is married. The expectation is always that it's a 'meet' but they always think (if they are interested) that it will turn into something more of course.
hardandy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) Guys that are good with women will not rely on getin women on the internet. Usually the only guys you will find on the internet are the anti social, awkward guys that are usualy to scared to approach girls. They are not necessarily bad guys, but dont expect them to sweep you of your feet with their convo. So what is a woman's excuse for getting on the internet? That's like me saying usually the only girls you'll find on the internet are the overweight, ugly ones that can't get a date otherwise. They are not necessarily bad girls, but don't expect much from their appearance.. lol. That being said. I'm a guy, almost 42, and I'm on pof. It works for me, because I'm only interested in meeting people that are looking to date. It's faster, easier, and far less time consuming than randomly trying to meet someone at a book shop or wherever.. My profile is straight forward, and I keep my pictures current. I can also tell if their someone that I'd be interested in just by emails and txts. To be fair, I've yet to meet one woman that hasn't had a bad experience with online dating, and usually more than one. Guys talking sex right away, sending pictures of their penis etc. Internet dating isn't for everyone, but it is becoming more popular simply because people aren't interested in the bar scene, and don't wanna have their time wasted. It's a free website so you are going to meet some creeps, but being a creep doesn't mean they don't money so you'll probably find them a paid websites as well. BTW women can be creeps too, and have less than desirable skills when it comes to holding a conversation. Be smart about it. Some people I've allowed to friend me on facebook so I can see what kind of comments they receive and/or post, also many courts have free online public records search. I have checked people out most are fine, but I've also run into a few that were deal breakers. Edited January 25, 2011 by hardandy
GivenUp0083 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I disagree with that. I rather deal with some unpleasant texts than not have phone contact with them. My number one priority before meeting someone is to gauge their social skills because there are sooooo many socially awkward people on online dating sites. I cancelled a set up date once because the guy simply couldn't communicate. I have no desire to sit through a drink with someone like that. If a guy didn't give me his number I would not meet up with him because I would assume he is married. The expectation is always that it's a 'meet' but they always think (if they are interested) that it will turn into something more of course. Ok, so you just complained about how you are deterred from dating and one of the reasons being you don't want them to text you if you aren't interested. Now you're saying you'd rather deal with unpleasant texts than no phone contact? (Can someone say "flakey"?) I can tell you what your problem is with dating, and it's not the other guys...
irc333 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 I wanted to repeat that....I had this in another thread...that I have been meeting a lot of women who like to use online dating as a "vessel" for their rebounds. Guy dumps girl, girl is crying, eating a pint of Hagendass, and joins a dating site, and feels better with all the men that email her. Does she meet them for coffee? Nope. So what is a woman's excuse for getting on the internet? That's like me saying usually the only girls you'll find on the internet are the overweight, ugly ones that can't get a date otherwise. They are not necessarily bad girls, but don't expect much from their appearance.. lol. That being said. I'm a guy, almost 42, and I'm on pof. It works for me, because I'm only interested in meeting people that are looking to date. It's faster, easier, and far less time consuming than randomly trying to meet someone at a book shop or wherever.. My profile is straight forward, and I keep my pictures current. I can also tell if their someone that I'd be interested in just by emails and txts. To be fair, I've yet to meet one woman that hasn't had a bad experience with online dating, and usually more than one. Guys talking sex right away, sending pictures of their penis etc. Internet dating isn't for everyone, but it is becoming more popular simply because people aren't interested in the bar scene, and don't wanna have their time wasted. It's a free website so you are going to meet some creeps, but being a creep doesn't mean they don't money so you'll probably find them a paid websites as well. BTW women can be creeps too, and have less than desirable skills when it comes to holding a conversation. Be smart about it. Some people I've allowed to friend me on facebook so I can see what kind of comments they receive and/or post, also many courts have free online public records search. I have checked people out most are fine, but I've also run into a few that were deal breakers.
aerogurl87 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Online dating isn't horrible if you're really selective. It's how I met my awesome boyfriend. The thing was I was getting tons of emails from random guys ranging from the ones with the generic "I want to appeal to every girl in the world" prince charming type profiles to complete crazies. What I always did was I'd first email them at least 2 or 3 times. If that went well I'd take things to an instant messaging service like yahoo or msn to talk to them in real time. If after a few hours or a day or two that went well, I'd text them a little and talk on the phone. Then if that went well, I'd set up a date and meet them. Now of all the guys I talked to, I only ended up meeting two guys. Most never got past the instant messaging phase, which helped me weed out all the ones who just wanted sex for the most part or who were psycho. But that's just my bit of advice.
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