irc333 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) Okay, I had just recieved a response from a woman that just moved to my area from the other side of the country to be closer to her parents. Apparently, she's a nurse, and one night she had come across my email after a late night shift she'd worked. She finally responded after a few days. She stated that she's looking for more a friendship than a romantic relationship (even though her profile says "dating"). She stated she's spending much of her time off with her dad lately. So....she's looking for a friend. Even though her ad states she's "dating". Of course, her profile states, she's seeking "Men" (friends of the opposite sex apparently?) How should I repsond to this. Should I go along with this so-called friendship she's wanting? What is this a pre-lude to? Why make this statement? Why even respond if she knows I might be seeking more than just "friendship" on a dating site? Should I ask her "Why are you on a dating site, looking for friends?" Or...should I Just go "along" with this online "Friendship" thing....and when I meet her face to face, attempt to make a "move" on her? <shrug> Or no? Edited January 24, 2011 by irc333
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Should I ask her "Why are you on a dating site, looking for friends?" You could.. but the answer really is "if she thought you were hot and she was interested in you she would not have floated the friendship out there".. she would all of a sudden wanted to date you. Next her.. but if you want to keep her as a digital online friend then do it..
Author irc333 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 I replied to her email questioning why she had contradicted herself. So, we'll see what she has to say. She's moved out into the boonies. She really can't afford to keep platonic friendships with men who are as remote as she is. lol. Single men in the boonies = men who are less likely than to be friends. She just moved from a metro area, she'll realize this soon enough. You could.. but the answer really is "if she thought you were hot and she was interested in you she would not have floated the friendship out there".. she would all of a sudden wanted to date you. Next her.. but if you want to keep her as a digital online friend then do it..
jelissa Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) You could think about testing out a friendship and plan to meet up with her. You never know. You two might really hit it off. Stranger things have happened. I have married friends that started out being friends with each other. She may have said friendship but come on, she's on a dating website. Go out with her and make your move. What do you have to lose? Edited January 24, 2011 by jelissa
Author irc333 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Meh, I dunno, I asked her "So, you like starting off as friends?" But that's what I said to her, "Um...this a dating site, so why are you saying you're looking for a relationship in the PROFILE, and you're emailing me otherwise?" Seriously, who is she thinking she's trying to fool? LOL I often wonder if some women think we men have fallen off the turnip truck. lol! Though, past experience as taught me, a woman online that states, "I'm looking for friendships", means she doesn't want to stay in touch or just remain no more than an online pen pal. My past experience has always been not so favorable when a woman would start off a conversation like she just did. When "going along" with this "friendship" charade, they wind up blowing me off or not wanting to see me anyhow. lol You could think about testing out a friendship and plan to meet up with her. You never know. You two might really hit it off. Stranger things have happened. I have married friends that started out being friends with each other. She may have said friendship but come on, she's on a dating website. Go out with her and make your move. What do you have to lose?
jelissa Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I still think you should go for it. I recently went out with a guy on a first date. He didn't respond right away, so I thought hey let me take the initiative. I sent him an e-mail asking if he wanted to keep dating. At this point, I didn't know if he was interested or not. I guess I feared rejection, so I also asked if he wanted to go on as friends instead, when what I really wanted to do was keep dating him. To him, it sounded like I only wanted friendship. Who knows, he may have never been interested. I never followed up, so I'll never know. My point is that sometimes messages are mixed, or at least sound mixed.
carhill Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 IME, so far without exception, women who are *looking* for male *friends* uniformly have difficulty establishing healthy female friendships. This presumes they mean what they are saying. They either find a few men who can replicate the role of girlfriend (tampons) or organize a system of orbiters whom they pull down for brief girlfriend interactions. Most men don't tolerate 'girlfriend' stuff so it takes a fairly large group to keep things stable. Regardless of the methodology, they're ultimately looking for male interaction which validates them and use sexual appeal to lure the catch. I have yet to see an equal, loving and caring friendship of such type. One key clue is if the guy meets a lady and starts dating her. Friends normally are happy for and supportive of such dynamics. Watch for that. The orbiter collectors and tampon users see a worthless planet/tampon and eject it from the system. This is one area I generally give women a lot of credit. Unless the guy is a super good catch, meaning universally attractive, she won't screw around with this stuff, meaning the role of orbiter/tampon. She's outta there because she knows she ain't no friend of his or, more precisely, he isn't a true friend of hers. Unless there exists exactly what she wants, she doesn't invest herself. That's really good information OP, personally, I wouldn't bother with her. Accept her words as fact and recognize her attentions are elsewhere (with her father, perhaps as caregiver). She's not dating or relationship material, IMO. It's the combination of factors which controls. If you want more female friends (personally, I do not), then holster your d!ck and see if some semblance of mutually satisfying friendship can be established; emphasis on *mutually* satisfying. Color me skeptical but I'm just an old fart with a lot of experience. YMMV.
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