Aveenolover Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 But I'm not sure if it should be. I don't know if I'm overreacting or not so I'd like you guys' opinions. My current boyfriend and I have been dating "seriously" for only about 3 weeks. However, we've known each other for well over a year and he had been chasing me that whole time. Normally, we hang out over the week but i've noticed his absence over weekends. He just turned 21 about two weeks ago, and my cousin, a mutual friend, and I wanted to all go out and celebrate with him, however he didn't seem like he wanted to and went out with his own friend instead, then came over drunk/high afterwards. It hurt my feelings but I wasn't going to beat myself up over it since he doesn't HAVE to bring me out. Well, my older brother just had a baby. (my current boyfriend has already met my whole family) And, of course, i hadn't seen my boyfriend since about 3pm on friday, its now Sunday. Last night, he texted me saying he really missed me and couldn't wait to see me today. So, i got up early, got cleaned up and thought it would be nice to see my older brother in the hospital with the baby. Boyfriend has not responded to my next... So i called him. He said hes watching the game (it's about 5pm) and he still says he will be over later, yada yada. So i told him i would really like to see him around 7 so we could see my brother and the baby and hes like "errrrrrmmmm welll the game wont be over yet....sorry". It just upsets me that he hasnt seen me all weekend...and a game is more important than an edition to my family. But, i could just be overreacting because I'm slightly insecure. But at the same time, i dont want to see him at 10pm, just so we can bone and go to sleep.
MyHeadIsSpinning Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 As someone who is going through a somewhat similar situation but has about 10 years on you in age, run. You're too young to be played with in this way, and the relationship is still barely off the ground. You deserve someone who will ask you to hang out WITH him while the game is on or will at least compromise and give you equal time. If I were your age still, I'd have left my current relationship a month ago. When you're young, there's too much fun to be had. So go out, live it up, enjoy your youth! Go out with MANY men until you find the one that will treat you adoringly. You deserve it. Now if I could listen to my own advice...
Author Aveenolover Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Thanks:) It's nice to know I'm not being completely crazy and needy.
eerie_reverie Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) I don't even like football but I watched today's games. They were pretty important! If I were you I would chill out, there is no reason y'all couldn't have gone to see your bro after the game was over. Edited January 24, 2011 by eerie_reverie
MyHeadIsSpinning Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I don't even like football but I watched today's games. If I were you I would chill out, there is no reason y'all couldn't have gone to see your bro after the game was over. The birth of her niece/nephew seems like it's a pretty important event to her. I'm not saying he blow of the game, but a compromise would've been nice. In my time zone, the game was on until at least 9 PM. That's a little late for new (sleep deprived!) parents to take visitors. I'm a good looking, smart, funny woman in her mid-thirties with a stable professional career, her own home, her own automobile.... But man, when I was 21, I was HOT! LOL And I had all of those things in their infancy. If I could somehow time travel & get a message to my 21 year old HOT self, I'd tell her this: "Dear Me at 21, You are so much more fabulous than you ever imagined you could be. Your breasts will never be more spectacular, your stomach will never be tighter, your legs will never be more tanned or lean. And for all the perceived angst you had at 16, all the worries that your life may never go as you hoped, that you may be alone, that you may be the crazy cat lady - you couldn't be more wrong. What you see in the mirror is NOT what everyone else sees. When a boy asks you out, it's because he truly wants to take you out. Simple as that. Stop looking for hidden agendas. For now, chose with your heart. There will be a day in the not so distant future where you have responsibilities & two little mouths to feed, and you won't have the luxury of choosing with your heart again. Just go with it. even if he's not your type, have dinner. Have a drink. He may not be perfect for you, but you may end up being the maid of honor when he marries your best friend. The more men you date (No Love, no sex....!), the broader your knowledge base will be in regards to that elusive creature known as man, so go for it. One day, when you least expect it, you'll accept one of these dinner dates. You'll talk into the wee hours, and you'll suddenly realize you don't want this date to end. He will too. And not just because you are HOT - by now, he'll have forgotten that part!. Because you're an amazing, strong, funny, bright, loving individual. THIS is what you deserve. Don't settle for someone who makes you his last priority - trust me, you'll never be satisfied. Don't settle for someone who avoids his mother - trust me, he'll avoid you at some point too. Don't settle for someone who's rude to your waitress - trust me, his snark will eventually settle on you. Don't settle for anything less than HOW YOU TREAT HIM. It's a magical combination when the way you treat him is mirrored back to you. That's the ease of being with the right person. But hey, you're 21! He will come. Right now, take advantage of all the heads you turn. (You'll still turn heads in your thirties, but watch for wedding bands!) Don't settle because at this point in your life, you don't have to settle! Isn't that wonderful? Now please, 21 year old me, invest in an expensive face cream and start using it today. You don't need it YET at 34, but you can see it slowly creeping in. Save yourself some time & start now. Oh & please purchase & read "He's Just Not That Into You". Yes it sounds hokey. Yes it was meant to be tongue in cheek. But that book will save you from many bozos. Love, You at 34" I write that - and it's HONESTLY what I would say if I could come face to face with 21 year old me! - because you need to hear it too. "Never make someone a priority who won't even make you an option" (or something to that effect).
MyHeadIsSpinning Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Oh and I'd add a PS: "STOP crying! While you're crying into your mint chocolate chip, he's sizing up the girl at the opposite end of the bar. READ: HE'S FORGOTTEN ABOUT YOU. Don't waste your tears. Please. There are so many more bittersweet, heartbreaking, happy, elating events in life that are WORTH your tears. Bozo #4675 is NOT one of those events. I promise."
mo mo Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 The birth of her niece/nephew seems like it's a pretty important event to her. I'm not saying he blow of the game, but a compromise would've been nice. In my time zone, the game was on until at least 9 PM. That's a little late for new (sleep deprived!) parents to take visitors. I'm a good looking, smart, funny woman in her mid-thirties with a stable professional career, her own home, her own automobile.... But man, when I was 21, I was HOT! LOL And I had all of those things in their infancy. If I could somehow time travel & get a message to my 21 year old HOT self, I'd tell her this: "Dear Me at 21, You are so much more fabulous than you ever imagined you could be. Your breasts will never be more spectacular, your stomach will never be tighter, your legs will never be more tanned or lean. And for all the perceived angst you had at 16, all the worries that your life may never go as you hoped, that you may be alone, that you may be the crazy cat lady - you couldn't be more wrong. What you see in the mirror is NOT what everyone else sees. When a boy asks you out, it's because he truly wants to take you out. Simple as that. Stop looking for hidden agendas. For now, chose with your heart. There will be a day in the not so distant future where you have responsibilities & two little mouths to feed, and you won't have the luxury of choosing with your heart again. Just go with it. even if he's not your type, have dinner. Have a drink. He may not be perfect for you, but you may end up being the maid of honor when he marries your best friend. The more men you date (No Love, no sex....!), the broader your knowledge base will be in regards to that elusive creature known as man, so go for it. One day, when you least expect it, you'll accept one of these dinner dates. You'll talk into the wee hours, and you'll suddenly realize you don't want this date to end. He will too. And not just because you are HOT - by now, he'll have forgotten that part!. Because you're an amazing, strong, funny, bright, loving individual. THIS is what you deserve. Don't settle for someone who makes you his last priority - trust me, you'll never be satisfied. Don't settle for someone who avoids his mother - trust me, he'll avoid you at some point too. Don't settle for someone who's rude to your waitress - trust me, his snark will eventually settle on you. Don't settle for anything less than HOW YOU TREAT HIM. It's a magical combination when the way you treat him is mirrored back to you. That's the ease of being with the right person. But hey, you're 21! He will come. Right now, take advantage of all the heads you turn. (You'll still turn heads in your thirties, but watch for wedding bands!) Don't settle because at this point in your life, you don't have to settle! Isn't that wonderful? Now please, 21 year old me, invest in an expensive face cream and start using it today. You don't need it YET at 34, but you can see it slowly creeping in. Save yourself some time & start now. Oh & please purchase & read "He's Just Not That Into You". Yes it sounds hokey. Yes it was meant to be tongue in cheek. But that book will save you from many bozos. Love, You at 34" I write that - and it's HONESTLY what I would say if I could come face to face with 21 year old me! - because you need to hear it too. "Never make someone a priority who won't even make you an option" (or something to that effect). I love this letter to yourself. I wish you could send it to some of the younger women I have dealt with. Sigh!
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