silver84 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I Titled this Open Marriage because, I'm not sure if I'm looking for advice or just want to vent, but I also don't want extra critisism. So if you can't understand why people would want to see there partners with others, then there's probably no need to respond or read because I feel that that's a feeling people don't understand, but us with that 'craving' can't just turn off. Some background, my wife and I have been together for 7 years, we have a family. My wife and I have always talked about threesomes etc, and had a couple successful ones. Two years ago we moved into a place with my best friend living downstairs. About 6 months ago after a drunken night decided to have a threesome. (my friend is single) And have had a couple since. My best friend having lived with us for 2 years, and hung around my wife for 2 years has decided he has feelings for her. My wife has recently told me that she has feelings for him. Although she doesn't love him like me, they have spent a large portion of the last 2 years hanging out and she has underlying feelings. At one point this boiled out and my friend being lonley, explained all of this to me. Somehow it was brought up that perhaps my wife would be able to spontaniously give him oral sex from time to time. Sounds horrible when I write it, but it provided them with a bit of alone time intamacy, and I feel more comfortable with oral then actual. This has been going fine, until I recently broke down. There was a night where she was intoxicated and tried to get me riled up so that she could go down to play with him. I realized this and agreed. I boiled over and ran out. We have talked since. She doesn't want to quit either of us. She would but is afriad she'll resent me for it. I have been upset but at the same time both of us crave this sort of relationship. We have the hottest sex after. We are closer then ever. It's like the first month of dating. The other problem is this is sort of a 1 sided open marrage. She is very jelous, so me being able to experiment outside is really been out of the question. At the same time I have been able to keep control and fear that if I did open this up to both sided, then she could be downstairs as much as she wanted, and it's not like I have a girlfriend already. Kind of decided tonight that I want things to go back to the way they were before I had the big blow out, but am still feeling unsure. Feel free to reply if someone has some advice if not, thanks for reading. I really just needed to vent on an anonymous forum and this seemed like the right place
Scottdmw Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 It doesn't sound like a very happy situation to me. It sounds like up to this point you have made the decision to accept some level of infidelity from your wife in return for greater sexual thrill. It seems like what has ended up happening is the almost inevitable result of that. I hear what you're saying about how you and your wife have cravings to be with multiple people that you don’t think you can resist. Be that as it may, it is very difficult for any person to have sexual relations with someone over a period of time and not develop an emotional attachment for them. Expecting your wife to be intimate with another man multiple times and have it not mean anything is a very tall order, maybe even impossible. I wonder, is the situation truly worth it for you? There are other ways to achieve greater sexual intensity. You have found that this way does that for you, but now the cost is you have this other man in the situation. Maybe it's just oral with him (assuming your wife is truthful about this), but you still have to deal with the jealousy. You say you can “control” it, but it still sounds like a pretty big negative to me balancing against the positive of the greater sexual intensity. And, maybe the time will come when it won't be just oral. You mentioned you have a family. Does that mean children? How would you feel if one day your wife turned up pregnant and you wondered if she and your friend had gone beyond oral? Unfortunately, even if you decided it wasn't worth it for you anymore, given the situation, it may be very difficult to change. From the way you describe it, you have somewhat encouraged your wife to get involved in this situation which she is now emotionally invested in. It would be a lot harder for her to get out of it than it would have for her to just not get involved in the first place. I'm afraid I have no really good advice or easy answers for you, but I wish you the best in working it out. Scott
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