yah Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 And what about now? Actually, I started thinking about it and of the 4 other grad students in my lab (all guys), 2 are married. I moved from NYC to a smaller city in the South, where people get married really young. Everyone in my lab is married. I used to say I wouldn't marry until I hit 30. I did meet someone I'd like to marry one day but still, at 25, not right now. I do think about it but I'd like to be done with school + have a job so I can be somewhat settled first.
lululucy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Just curious, what timeline is typical in your dating experience (what happens at what date)? What timeline would you prefer? As an example, my timeline: 1. Hug/perhaps kiss on first date 2. Definitely kiss/perhaps make-out second date 3. Definitely make-out by 4th date 4. First intimacy 4-7th date 5. BF/GF talk ~6-8th date If slower, I feel there is a problem in the relationship. If much faster, I usually take a step back. I'm curious if my timeline is typical. I know some girls (in particular I think the girl I'm now dating) want BF/GF talk before intimacy... what do you think? Mine -- 1. Hug/kiss 1st date 2. Kiss/makeout 2nd date 3. Fool around by 4th date. 4. Sex by 6th date. BF/GF talk whenever it feels right. If I don't like them, it sticks around step 4 for a while and then I leave. If I do, we have the talk whenever.. usually before sex but not always.
Author ivalm Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 I moved from NYC to a smaller city in the South, where people get married really young. Everyone in my lab is married. I used to say I wouldn't marry until I hit 30. I did meet someone I'd like to marry one day but still, at 25, not right now. I do think about it but I'd like to be done with school + have a job so I can be somewhat settled first. Oh my, a girl with a view very similar to my own I guess I shouldn't generalize that all females have one homogeneous set of beliefs! @lululucy - so you just repeatedly sleep with a guy (I presume you're a girl) you know you won't take as a boyfriend? Why just not move on?
KTB3LL Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 ivalm, zengirl, Eeyore79. We actually had that talk before we were even really together. I know my boyfriend through work. We both work for the same police dept. just in different divisions so we know eachother but dont see eachother very often at work. While he was telling me about breaking up with his ex of 4 years and how its so hard because she kept crying and he hated to hurt her it came up. I said well after 4 years why no marriage. He said she isn't the right girl for me. Her being 28 I did her a favor haha and me and said if you have no intention of marrying her after 4 years your wasting her time and yours. Thats when I said I'd give a guy 2 years at the max and if he doesn't want to marry me he never will. But it stuck with him because my friend told him he better not play games with me for 4 years like that and he replied "she wouldn't give me that option". haha And yes me having a daughter does play a part in that. I need someone who is willing and able to be there for both of us. I don't want her to spend 3 or 4 years with someone and then them walk out of her life. I am already nervous because she loves him so much. I think when you have a child it is kind of understood that you are looking for a partner not a fling.
lululucy Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 @lululucy - so you just repeatedly sleep with a guy (I presume you're a girl) you know you won't take as a boyfriend? Why just not move on? Well, that's only if I don't feel there is potential for a relationship but there is still some sort of chemistry. I'm also two months out of a LTR so I think I tend towards the just sex option more as I'm just not ready (or even looking) for anything else. But back in my real single days I still tended to keep sexual relationships going when there was no emotional chemistry. That isn't to say that I would lead them on because I was clear about it -- but a lot of guys are okay with no strings attached.
randy90631 Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 With the amount of craziness that goes on in the dating world, I believe that a time line is necessary to cut through the crap. I agree with the original author of this thread. His timeline seems about right. I've dating enough women to know if she is girlfriend material within a month. Women should know if this too within a month. Two months max! Otherwise, the other person is clueless on what they want. Besides, if you think your dating a great guy or a awesome girl, would you risk losing person cuz of ur indecisive. Also, there's always the option of breaking up if that person turns to be just putting on a show. I think a timeline of sorts brings some order to the chaos that is dating.
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