JoeLeon Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I went out with my ex girlfriend for 2 and a half years. We were very close, maybe at times too close. I am the first to admit I can be a little clingy. She started acting differently towards the end of our relationship, and then finally broke it off one day in August. This was a shock to me. I never expected it to end so abruptly. I didn't see my ex for about a month. Then as time went by we started meeting back up again, and really starting to get on better than ever before. All this time though she was reluctant to get back with me because she said she feared I would slip back into my old clingy ways. We ended up sleeping together in October and she seemed really upset. I could feel something wasn't right so I confronted her and she told me she had slept with somebody after we broke up and she felt terrible for not telling me. Eventually I saw past this and we continued meeting up and spending time together. Since then things seemed perfect, getting on better than ever before and we even talked about the idea of us getting back together but she still said she needed time. Last night I heard from my friend that this person wasn't the only person she had slept with, she had also slept with her ex after we had broken up. I was devastated, I went round hers today to ask her about this and she admitted it, but then there was something else... She burst into tears and told me that the guy I already knew about actually happened during the last few days of our relationship and that was why she had acted so differently and ended it. She said she was tired of me being clingy and in her words 'controlling' and she slept with this guy. She said she regretted it straight away but could never told me because she feared my reaction. Its worth pointing out now that I do see where she is coming from, I do place so much emphasis on the relationship and over react more than most people. I find it very very hard to deal with heartache. She says the more time went by and we were getting on so well, she more she found it so hard to tell me because she didn't want to ruin what seemed a healthy relationship. I don't know what to think now. I still love her so much and I've never seen her so upset about anything. I do want to believe that this won't happen again. But at the same time, I feel like a fool and I find it hard to get my head around how she could do this to me. She wants to see me tomorrow to talk again. I really don't know what to do. I've never felt this hurt. x
bl22 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I know how your feeling right now but the truth is this isnt fixable right now. She sounds very immature and sounds like she has lost all respect for you. What you need to do right now is stop seeing her, and tell her to leave you alone. You deserve better than this, its such a shame hearing stories like this because it reminds me of mine but thats life unfortunately. Save yourself more hurt and tell her to leave you alone for good.
Winherback Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Considering your own personal history of not being able to handle heartache,etc..... could you honestly ever see this relationship working out after this? Could you ever really and truly get this event and mistrust out of your head now and in the future?
screwball Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I think the decision is yours to make. If you think you can change and you want to be with her, then get on with it. Just don't dwell on her cheating when you have your "chat" with her tomorrow. The more you pry into the situation and question her about it, the more hurt you'll be and the more clingy you'll seem to her. The best response may be to say "I understand why you did it and I know that you wouldn't do it again." End of conversation. Of course, if you can't trust her and don't think you can get by after that, then leave her, go NC, and heal.
bl22 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 The whole clingy thing sounds like an excuse to me. The whole way through my relationship with my ex, she was clingy...who cares?! if you love someone it doesnt matter if theyre 'clingy' ...i believe the whole point of being in a relationship is so you can both be clingy with each other AND if that happens to be a flaw of theres, look past it if you love them.
screwball Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 The whole clingy thing sounds like an excuse to me. The whole way through my relationship with my ex, she was clingy...who cares?! if you love someone it doesnt matter if theyre 'clingy' ...i believe the whole point of being in a relationship is so you can both be clingy with each other AND if that happens to be a flaw of theres, look past it if you love them. As a guy I agree with you. I love it when chicks are clingy to me. But you know what - in my experience the only time that girls are really clingy and head over heals in love with me is when I'm indifferent or an a$$. As soon as I chase them, they run. It's like my dog, if she escapes and I chase her, she keeps running away until she gets hit by a car. If I turn the other direction and start running the other way, then she runs after me and comes back
jquest1280 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 This girl either has problems, or doesn't know who she really wants, and is back with you only because you are THERE. I know you love her and all, but it is not mutual, and you should get out of there. She may beg and call, but if you go NC, her swings will stop eventually. Either she'll realize you're not The One (not your desired ending, I know, but it will end the roller coaster, and you can move on). IF she realizes YOU are The One, she'll approach you, but as a different person, more mature. But mind you, the latter ending is improbable and even if it does happen, will take a long time. Don't hang around waiting and hoping for it. Be nice to yourself, use your time for other interests.
dng Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 (edited) This girl either has problems, or doesn't know who she really wants, and is back with you only because you are THERE. I know you love her and all, but it is not mutual, and you should get out of there. She may beg and call, but if you go NC, her swings will stop eventually. Either she'll realize you're not The One (not your desired ending, I know, but it will end the roller coaster, and you can move on). IF she realizes YOU are The One, she'll approach you, but as a different person, more mature. But mind you, the latter ending is improbable and even if it does happen, will take a long time. Don't hang around waiting and hoping for it. Be nice to yourself, use your time for other interests. As hard as it sounds, this is the best approach. You have to love yourself enough to do this. No one sane leaves someone else because they feel too loved. It doesnt make sense to you because it doesnt make sense, period. You began to notice she is making you feel shame for loving her, this quote is her talking thru you: I do place so much emphasis on the relationship and over react more than most people She even blames you for cheating: She said she was tired of me being clingy and in her words 'controlling' and she slept with this guy If this was coming from someone you didnt really know you'd clock them in the face for being such a retard. There are many red flags in what you just said. You are right and keep following your instincts: RUN. Edited January 24, 2011 by dng
Chance_taker Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Run as fast and far as you can away from this girl. She pulled the ultimate relationship disrespect and then tried to hide it until you found out and then she made it out to be your fault for loving her too much. You say you find it very very hard to deal with heartache? Well you are setting yourself up for more of that bad medicine if you don't move on because she has already shown she lacks total respect for you and the relationship. I sypmathize with you man because my ex from years back pulled the same thing only I cut her off immediately when I found out. Come to find out she repeated her action on her current bf recently. Once they cross that line they need to be shown the door IMO. I wish you the best and it will all work out in its own way.
J0N Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 If I found out my that my ex cheated on me, then slept with somebody else after we broke up I would boot her out of my life permanently. What is to say that she wont do it again?
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