tfs182 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Just thought I would share something for the people who got there heart broken, and made all the terrible mistakes after the break up, and pushed your partner further away. Well I made all the mistakes, you name it, I did it. I chased for 2 months straight, and was going no where. I finally decided to give up, let go, and go no contact. Well I went no contact for 2 months, and felt much better. I started to live my life again, and things got easier. Well today, I saw my ex for the first time in 2 months. She agreed to meet me for coffee. I would have never thought she would talk to me, let alone agree to meet with me. No, I am not getting a second chance right now, but it was great to clear the air, and show her that I can survive with out her. I proved something not only to her, but my self. So if you are sitting there, begging, pleading, trying to figure out new ways of winning them back...STOP. It won't work. You need to let go of it, and be yourself. Show the person you can do it without them. Hopefully one day, I will get that second chance...but right now I don't care. I got to clear the air, and seek forgiveness, and continue to work on myself. And that is all I wanted. Go no contact, and when you feel you are improving, and you are able to speak to them without bringing up the past...I suggest you write a hand written letter to them. 8 or 9 sentences...nothing fancy. It worked for me, and I am farther ahead now then I was before. GOOD LUCK!
Author tfs182 Posted January 25, 2011 Author Posted January 25, 2011 I promised I wouldn't call, text or email. A hand written letter means something. It worked for me...maybe not everyone, but she said she appreciated the letter, even if it was something simple...goes along way
Byren Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 I also wrote a hand-written letter to my ex and walked 10 miles to her house to deliver it. I was so worried that she'd think I was a complete idiot, but it was something that I felt I had to do. A couple of days later she messaged me wanting to meet up, turns out she thought the letter was really romantic and the fact that I walked all that way for her meant much more than if I had driven there. I doubt we'll be getting back together since I'm starting a new job about 3 hours drive away, but I'm happy that I went down swinging anyway.
SimonSerenade Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Way I see it is you have no regrets if you go down swinging cause at least you'll know when you look back that you gave it everything you had inside to be with the one you love regardless of if it worked or not, Same won't be said on there side of the fence =]
marqueemoon4 Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 There is always an exception to the rule. But yea.. pleading, crying, begging etc only makes you look pathetic and reaffirms the dumper's decision. Took me a while to figure that out.
Bateman Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Reading these posts really gives me some assurance. I am hoping to talk to my ex (broke up 3 months ago) about how I really feel soon. If she does not respond then I am giving her a letter. Either way, I am going to work on letting her go and moving on. I can't deal with the push pull thing from her anymore. If the opportunity arises someday that we could get back together then great, but I may have just moved on enough to not want to try any more. You people here seem to have the right attitude about things. No resentment, or any other emotions getting in the way. I hope to be there some day soon...Thanks.
RomoGuy Posted January 27, 2011 Posted January 27, 2011 Care to share what your letter consisted of? And you wrote this after 4 months, 2 chasing and 2 moving on correct? It's been 1 month since my break up, she said she didn't want contact so we can both focus on what we need to do. And I have not contacted her since.
Author tfs182 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Well for me it was different. I made all the mistakes for so long, then finally realized what I was doing wrong. So the letter to her was about 8 or 9 sentences, with a quick appology and asking her to meet for coffee because I needed to talk to her about something. I never told her what it was about, but it got her interested. She appreciated that I didn't send some 3 page story to her talking about my feelings. They do not want to hear that. Short and sweet keeps them interested, and when I met up, again I kept it short and sweet, didn't bring up the past, and it worked. Because she is seeing I am growing, and moving on from where I was at before. It just takes time, and patience. But you need to make sure, before you write the letter...you have your emotions in check. Or it will back fire when you do meet up.
RomoGuy Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 If its not too much, can you give me an example of the letter? I'm just very curious what exactly the letter consisted of. If not I understand. I know every case is different, but I just want to get a better idea of what worked for you. Thanks.
Author tfs182 Posted January 28, 2011 Author Posted January 28, 2011 Yeah, like I said, every situation is different. In my case I took a chance, and didn't want to push her away further. So make sure enough time has passed. I just asked how she was doing, told her that I will be at a certain place at a certain time, and would appreciate her meeting me, and if not I completely understood. Made sure she knew the conversation wouldn't be about our past. I never asked her out for coffee, I just told her where I would be, I took a risk, and she showed up. I can now go back to NC knowing that the air is cleared, and the tension is gone. Just gotta do things for yourself right now...time tells all
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