Author depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 It was a hypothesis of the situation. I removed it because it was only partly correct, so there's no need for it to be online any longer. You're my superhero Nexus.
Star Gazer Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 It was a hypothesis of the situation. I removed it because it was only partly correct, so there's no need for it to be online any longer. I think that's a really inappropriate way to post on LS. Even if your hypothesis turned out to be wrong, your posts should remain. Otherwise, the OP's response to you doesn't make sense, because none of us know what she's responding to. Further, noone else can benefit from your analysis if you remove it at your whim. Frankly, that sort of discussion is best reserved for PMs.
Author depplover_1980 Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 I was ousted as a schizophrenic transexual, he had a hunch with his x ray vision. God damn you for making me reveal.
LittleTiger Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 This is just game-playing. If you have to 'raise his interest level' then he's not worth it. The fact that he wasn't ready to move in at the same time suggests you're not compatible. Don't waste your time - move on.
Nexus One Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Frankly, that sort of discussion is best reserved for PMs. That would have been a possibility, were it not the case that these forums only allow PM's once you're an established member or have a premium subscription. Which neither of us had at the time of writing. (see member status)
daphne Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 Tip 3. Don't express yourself in negative ways unless it's absolutely reasonable to do so. Men hate negativity unless there's a good reason for it. I know a lot of women do this many times a day. I even know some that do NOTHING BUT be negative about anything and everything. Simply horrible. I'm not saying you're one of them, but just wanted to let you know. Some good tips, overall but don't necessarily agree with all of them. I agree with this one, but it's very difficult for women. We bitch. That's how we vent. Especially if we have stressful jobs and/or gf's who make our lives hell. We all have at least one. I've dated a few guys that were actually really sweet about listening without judgement when I had a few choice words to say about something. Gotta wonder why that didn't work out.
Author depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Well in the end I called it time. I found his terms to be someone cold and disrespectful considering how much respect he had previously blurted out about having for me. I sent him a killer email outlining his issues again, whilst accepting ownership for any contributing factors and feel a huge relief. I feel empowered within myself for putting me first. It hurts but I heal fast and always come back stronger.
Ometeotl Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 What? Where does it say the OP and this guy "broke up" last week? I saw a post about a 7 year relationship that ended 4 years ago and that's it. I know you don't want "the kind of man" advice, but please hear me out. His commitmentphobia would have been a complete turn off for me. I expect the guys I date to realize I'm not someone who's desperately hanging on hoping to land a guy, any guy, the sooner the better please. Nope, I have a life, loads of friends, a great job. A guy has to demonstrate he fits into my life or else I have no time for a project. Sounds to me like this guy has to demonstrate he fits into your life - not the other way around. You sound like you have a great attitude, you say yourself you have great self-esteem. After 5 months, this guy can either see this or he doesn't. What can you do to peek his interest? Uh... Rather... What can he do to show you he's serious about you guys? In theory, it translates into the game playing you mention: yes, I would basically leave the ball in his court while going on enjoying the relationship for what it was (casual) until he moved it forward. _______________________ edit: just read the update... OP, seriously, is this guy worth it? Why, how? Gonna have to agree. HOWEVER, I see you are emotionally attached to this guy, and want a lil more power over him/ wanting him to need you more. You can go one of two ways with this, which is generally what happens anyways. Slowly kill your interest for him then breakup with him, hoping he will want you back and is insecure enough to chase you. OR Just focus on your life without him in it, and then see if he being the best you you can be piques his interest. _ Perhaps you hate making decisions, you could always just do nothing and and be completely passive and just see where that leads you. Hope for the best and live for your future, regardless.
Author depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 Gonna have to agree. HOWEVER, I see you are emotionally attached to this guy, and want a lil more power over him/ wanting him to need you more. You can go one of two ways with this, which is generally what happens anyways. Slowly kill your interest for him then breakup with him, hoping he will want you back and is insecure enough to chase you. OR Just focus on your life without him in it, and then see if he being the best you you can be piques his interest. _ Perhaps you hate making decisions, you could always just do nothing and and be completely passive and just see where that leads you. Hope for the best and live for your future, regardless. It's done and dusted but thanks!
paddington bear Posted January 30, 2011 Posted January 30, 2011 Oh dear. Well, you gave it a shot, you would have regretted not giving it a second shot. Ultimately, you don't want to be pussy-footing around trying not to scare the guy off, because you end up changing your behaviour to try to keep them hanging around, and can't be yourself. I've done this so many times. And you think 'but I DID everything those dating guides said! And he still is scared of commitment'. Sometimes it really is them and not you and no matter what you do, or how you alter how you word things, it's not going to bring the guy around. An ex of mine was a total commitment phobic, but I took it personally, like it was just me that he didn't want. However, we are still in touch and he has behaved the same way with every subsequent girlfriend, so I realised, not me, HIM and am glad it didn't work out. Too much hard work, trying to pretend to be easy breezy, while simultaneously feeling that if you are your normal easy self, you might say/do something that will make him run away, so in fact, these situations end up with you ultimately being more uptight and on tenderhooks.
Author depplover_1980 Posted January 30, 2011 Author Posted January 30, 2011 I hope in due course to recieve an apology from him and to make peace. I may even let him into my bed very occasionally when my itch needs scratching, IF i've not found a new man by then!! We will have to see what the future brings...
Bluebelle38 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 hey there, very late to this, but you know depplover.... it is uncannilly similar to my story. 5 months, long distance as well, came on all strong and yet left the relationship with a really cruel and nasty comment that we didnt really get on wtf?!?! And that after he saw me with his family at xmas having a blast. As I was reading this I saw so many CP red flags. Even down to the fact you were long distance (perfect for CPs). Also the fact he bailed when you made some comment about making a level of commitment. As much as he may want to be with you again in an intimate way I'm pretty sure he won't because he knows what that may well lead to... the C word. I'm sure my ex is missing that side of things incredibly but hey, thems the breaks... You seem level-headed though and will be fine... but if you fancy a bit of reading on why you should run the hell away from this guy, google 'Men Who Cant Love' and 'Amazon' and read all the customer reviews.... incredible. Onwards and upwards... you will learn from this and that is never a bad thing. PS. I'm not British, I'm Australian but live in Ireland
Author depplover_1980 Posted February 8, 2011 Author Posted February 8, 2011 The most frustrating thing is we just nearly got him to admit the issues and see a counsellor, the beep beep off roadrunner went! I am ok. I do have a philosophy whereby I tend to learn and develop well from anything and this is no exception. The niggling disappointment I feel will eventually disperse into space dust. I wish you every luck with finding a better man too you Ozz-Brit!!
Bluebelle38 Posted February 8, 2011 Posted February 8, 2011 Beep beep roadrunner haha. Very good. Pity he wasnt ready to address his issues, and they are serious issues.... You have the right attitude - and you have him sussed - so you'll be grand in no time.
Author depplover_1980 Posted February 9, 2011 Author Posted February 9, 2011 Beep beep roadrunner haha. Very good. Pity he wasnt ready to address his issues, and they are serious issues.... You have the right attitude - and you have him sussed - so you'll be grand in no time. He knows I have him so sussed, sometimes I would pull him up on things amd he would have a smirk thast said 'I can't keep anything from you'. He was utterly transparent to me. God I frickin miss him. I just want to shag his brains out. Grr. But I miss wine too and that never did me any good!!
Recommended Posts