somedude81 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 The rest I can see happening. You're on a date and she is completely unaware. Sneaky sneaky. That's a key issue of the friendzone thing. To the guy it's a date, and to the girl, it can be just two friends hanging out. It seems that some women have trouble putting two and two together. They don't think, "Both John and I are single. John invited me to do something with him, just the two of us. John wants a date with me." What they do think and how they rationalize it, I have no idea.
Nexus One Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) - Friends (you can't be friendzoned when you're already a friend) - Lovers (boyfriend-girlfriend, man-wife, sexual partners) (no its called a break up if you're denied what you already had) - Colleagues - Class mates - Study mates - Room mates (trying to circumvent the entire dating process and jump straight into a co-habitation with committed relationship?!) - Travel mates - Team mates (sports) (clearly not thinking about her as a team mate; mind in the game fella!) - Acquaintances that one is around often - Etc. (why is this in a list you made to provide definitive answers?) Bold text = Sally's standpoint, regular text is Nexus' standpoint. - you can't be friendzoned when you're already a friend, in that case it will get firmly established that you're in the friendzone and that you will remain there, crushing any hope to become lovers. - no its called a break up if you're denied what you already had, I'm talking about a one sided wish to break up and put the other partner in the friendzone. - trying to circumvent the entire dating process and jump straight into a co-habitation with committed relationship, how preposterous of me to even suggest such a possibility! What does it matter whether you go dating or not when you know each other that well. One could do it for fun, sure, but dating is by no means a ritual or protocol that should not be skipped. - why is this in a list you made to provide definitive answers?, I have work to do besides making such a list, so I'm not going to list every possible scenario out there. Edited January 25, 2011 by Nexus One
WTRanger Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 That's a key issue of the friendzone thing. To the guy it's a date, and to the girl, it can be just two friends hanging out. It seems that some women have trouble putting two and two together. They don't think, "Both John and I are single. John invited me to do something with him, just the two of us. John wants a date with me." What they do think and how they rationalize it, I have no idea. The cause of this is guys saying, "Hey, you want to hang out?" Guys if you want to go on a date you would say, "Hey, you want to go out on a date?" You hang out with male friends, you date females. It's the guy who gets that confused. It's not rocket science. You should NEVER ask a girl to hang out if you have the intention of dating her. You should ask her on a date, and establish that it's a date. Best way is to use the word date somewhere in there. So, stop hanging out with women and start dating them.
sally4sara Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 That's a key issue of the friendzone thing. To the guy it's a date, and to the girl, it can be just two friends hanging out. It seems that some women have trouble putting two and two together. They don't think, "Both John and I are single. John invited me to do something with him, just the two of us. John wants a date with me." What they do think and how they rationalize it, I have no idea. My husband told me this happened to him once in college. I asked him if he used the word "date" when making plans with the girl. The short answer - no. And he never made that mistake again.
somedude81 Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My issue with using the word "date", is that it can cause the girl to freak out and think that they guy wants to get serious. If I were to invite a girl whose a classmate to get some drinks or coffee, should I have to use the word date, to let her know I don't want to go as friends?
sumdude Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 (edited) I would say the same thing.I pleased to find that even though some of the things I have read make me worry, there are still lots of people like you who are, well much better at dealing with the ups and downs ,disappointments and hurts that are part of any relationship. What strikes me though, is how strongly these people feel about their misguided beliefs! Oh it's all fine and easy on the rational and intellectual level. But in practice it's much harder. I'm the emotional type. If it was just about sex then it would be easy. But let's not have any illusions about it either. The defining difference between a platonic and romantic relationship is sex. I tend to be a slow mover when it comes to sex. So I tend to have fewer sexual relationships than men who are wired differently. Edited January 25, 2011 by sumdude
WTRanger Posted January 25, 2011 Posted January 25, 2011 My issue with using the word "date", is that it can cause the girl to freak out and think that they guy wants to get serious. If I were to invite a girl whose a classmate to get some drinks or coffee, should I have to use the word date, to let her know I don't want to go as friends? And that's a bad thing if the girl freaks out? At least you don't have to go through the entire friendzoning process. You just saved yourself weeks of frustration, blue balls, and misery by using ONE simple word. So you don't want to be just friends, you don't want to be serious either or being serious bothers you? Are you just trying to get into their pants? You need to make your intentions known. You can't sit here and gripe on females being confusing, if you yourself use the same confusing tactics.
MrNate Posted January 26, 2011 Posted January 26, 2011 And that's a bad thing if the girl freaks out? At least you don't have to go through the entire friendzoning process. You just saved yourself weeks of frustration, blue balls, and misery by using ONE simple word. So you don't want to be just friends, you don't want to be serious either or being serious bothers you? Are you just trying to get into their pants? You need to make your intentions known. You can't sit here and gripe on females being confusing, if you yourself use the same confusing tactics. This man says good things.
dave22 Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 I don't think women understand this, but if a guy is interested in you and you say you just want to be friends, you are basically saying you never want to see him again because 95% of the time if a guy has any respect for himself at all he won't stick around. Once he sees you as something more than a friend it is very difficult to go back and see you as only a friend. Now, this being said, there are exceptions. While I almost never stay friends with someone I had dated, I did make an exception recently. In this case it started as a long distance thing for four months until we were finally able to spend some time together. Talking to her during this time I really started to believe she was perfect for me and she seemed to show a lot of interest for me too. But after meeting she said she saw me as more of a friend, which I didn't like at all at first, but I had to be honest with myself and realize it was not likely to work anyways. The thing is, she is a pretty cool person with a lot of the same interests as I have and she did seem genuine in wanting to stay friends... and so I agreed (but only after a couple of pretty tense weeks and a few more of not talking at all). One other thing I should say is that women do change their mind sometimes (shocking, I know). Don't hang around waiting, you need to go out and date other women and live your life, but if you are really interested or have some reason to believe you could have a chance under other circumstances, you don't need to cut them off completely. Keep them around and you never know what could happen. I asked a girl out one time and she turned me down, we started talking again about four months later and continued to do so on a regular basis. Almost three years later she confessed she was now in love with me. I turned her down because I no longer saw her as a potential girlfriend. So don't let anyone tell you that you can't get out of a friendzone, if you really like someone, keep them around and live your life and someday they may change their mind.
counterman Posted January 28, 2011 Posted January 28, 2011 And that's a bad thing if the girl freaks out? At least you don't have to go through the entire friendzoning process. You just saved yourself weeks of frustration, blue balls, and misery by using ONE simple word. So you don't want to be just friends, you don't want to be serious either or being serious bothers you? Are you just trying to get into their pants? You need to make your intentions known. You can't sit here and gripe on females being confusing, if you yourself use the same confusing tactics. I agree. I have used the words "hang out" before and the girl thought it was exactly that. I have asked to go on grab coffee and she didn't think it was a date. You definitely have to make your intentions clear. Ironically, in a one off case, I used the word "date" and when we went on our date she didn't even think it was one.
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