Questionis Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 I get the impression from some people on here, that being "freindzoned" is a fate worst than death itself. I think I'd be really doing myself a disservice if I was to cut off every single male who approached me if I didn't consider them a potential partner. I do like to have my friends round mine occasionally, so what's the solution to this?
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) I get the impression from some people on here, that being "freindzoned" is a fate worst than death itself. I think I'd be really doing myself a disservice if I was to cut off every single male who approached me if I didn't consider them a potential partner. I do like to have my friends round mine occasionally, so what's the solution to this? If you friendzoned me, you would never see me again, because I would want to be your lover, not your friend. I'm not going to hang around and torment myself while I'm in love with you, just because you want a friend. It wouldn't be your decision. I would want to move on and go look for greener grass. The second reason I would break contact with you is out of respect for my new girlfriend. Edited January 23, 2011 by Nexus One
somedude81 Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 Nexus is pretty much spot on. For a guy, being just friends with a girl he really likes is nothing more than torture. So while you may be doing yourself a disservice by cutting off guys who you know like you, and you don't return that feeling, you'd be saving them potential heartbreak. Frankly, if I know a girl likes me, and I don't return the feeling; I'm not going to let her hang around me, letting her think she has a chance. I wish girls would do the same.
counterman Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 If I like a girl and all she wanted to do was be friends, then I will say "sure", but that's as far as the friendship goes pretty much. I would not really hang around her, as long as I am still feeling a certain way. I am not the type to wait for her to change her mind. If the reversed happened to me, as it had happened before, I will stay distant. If I knew the girl likes me, why would I lead her on? What I have realised is that most of the guys that did like me, but I didn't like them, have stayed around as my friend in the hope they I may change my mind. Later, the just disappear.
Author Questionis Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 If you friendzoned me, you would never see me again, because I would want to be your lover, not your friend. I'm not going to hang around and torment myself while I'm in love with you, just because you want a friend. It wouldn't be your decision. I would want to move on and go look for greener grass. The second reason I would break contact with you is out of respect for my new girlfriend. But how quickly do you fall in love? Doesn't it take time? It just feels like punishing someone for not wanting to gave sex with you!
Author Questionis Posted January 23, 2011 Author Posted January 23, 2011 Frankly, if I know a girl likes me, and I don't return the feeling; I'm not going to let her hang around me, letting her think she has a chance. I wish girls would do the same. Well this makes sense I guess, but it just feels like being horrible to someone unnecessarily. Almost like you hate them because they said they like you...
Nexus One Posted January 23, 2011 Posted January 23, 2011 (edited) It just feels like punishing someone for not wanting to gave sex with you! Then you're taking that the wrong way. I wasn't talking about sex. I was talking about it from the viewpoint/scenario of a guy that would be in love with you and that would want a long term relationship. It takes time to evolve such kind of feelings for a woman/girl. Note that some guys might be quicker with this than others though. Wanting superficial sex does not equal being in love. Guys that want only sex and nothing else are not looking to be your lover, they're looking to be your f*ck buddy. I wouldn't do it to punish you, I wouldn't want to hurt you. I would do it for my own wellbeing, because staying around you would hurt. Edited January 23, 2011 by Nexus One
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Well this makes sense I guess, but it just feels like being horrible to someone unnecessarily. Almost like you hate them because they said they like you... I know it can seem that way, but it is for the better. I spent the last six months spending time with a girl who did not like me the way I liked her. We got lunch together at least twice a week after class, during Japan club meetings we'd spend the whole thing together, we talked every day before class and she came to my apartment twice. Throughout all this time she knew I liked her, heck she rejected me twice. But since she kept on spending time with me, I thought I was slowly winning her over. But of course I wasn't. I was happy that I could spend time with her, but I was also really sad because I knew that she didn't like me, and it was eating me up inside. I went through a lot of pain last year over her. I didn't want to give up on her and I was going to keep trying till she told me to stop or when she would start avoiding me. Honestly, things would have been a lot easier on me if she just cut me out of her life much sooner. Because every time she agreed to hang out with me, just gave me a glimmer of false hope.
phineas Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 being friends with a woman is exhausting. They talk to much, want too much of my free time. Tell what I can do to better myself. Tell me to clean my house, ect. It's a Friends without Benefits situation & i'd rather just sit on my couch & drink beer. Alone. Or with guy friends. Plus i've never had a woman friend that didn't eventually try to date me or attention whore me. Mostly the latter happened.
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 If I like a girl and all she wanted to do was be friends, then I will say "sure", but that's as far as the friendship goes pretty much. I would not really hang around her, as long as I am still feeling a certain way. I am not the type to wait for her to change her mind. If the reversed happened to me, as it had happened before, I will stay distant. If I knew the girl likes me, why would I lead her on? What I have realised is that most of the guys that did like me, but I didn't like them, have stayed around as my friend in the hope they I may change my mind. Later, the just disappear. I can understand being distant and I think that's really reasonable. I also really dislike people who just hang around in the hope that you will change your mind and just disappear if you don't date them.I think that's awful...
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 Wanting superficial sex does not equal being in love. Guys that want only sex and nothing else are not looking to be your lover, they're looking to be your f*ck buddy. I wouldn't do it to punish you, I wouldn't want to hurt you. I would do it for my own wellbeing, because staying around you would hurt. Ok, but I'm still stuck with the not knowing what to do when men approach me though. I still face the hassle of putting time and effort into a friendship only to have that guy just completely disappear off the face of the earth essentially because our relationship will never include sex.
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 I didn't want to give up on her and I was going to keep trying till she told me to stop or when she would start avoiding me. Honestly, things would have been a lot easier on me if she just cut me out of her life much sooner. Because every time she agreed to hang out with me, just gave me a glimmer of false hope. But you kinda forcing her to be mean to you though. What could she have done if she likes you as a person and therefore didn't want to hurt your feeling any more than she had to i.e not wanting to date you?
sally4sara Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Surely you fellas don't fall in love with every woman you meet. Is it still considered being friendzoned with them as well? What if you merely thought they were pretty and didn't know them enough to claim feelings of love? What if you only found them mildly attractive or attractive but not your preference? You're still hopelessly in love with them too? I'm wondering if infatuation is getting recognized as love......
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 It's a Friends without Benefits situation & i'd rather just sit on my couch & drink beer. Alone. Or with guy friends. This sounds like you only "put up" with women because you get sex, reading that just made my blood run cold...I hoping either I read that wrong or you fall into the 10% of the population. I'm hoping I'm not deluding myself.
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 I'm wondering if infatuation is getting recognized as love...... I'm wondering what love actually means for guys...
sally4sara Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I'm wondering what love actually means for guys... I'm thinking the "friendzone" is only an awful place to be for younger folks or folks who don't get laid often. Where as once you've been laid a good bit and it stops being like trying to find food when you're starving or you start getting it on the regular because you're in a LTR, the pressure is off and you're able to just enjoy people for their personality and the interests you have in common with them regardless of gender.
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 I'm thinking the "friendzone" is only an awful place to be for younger folks or folks who don't get laid often. Where as once you've been laid a good bit and it stops being like trying to find food when you're starving or you start getting it on the regular because you're in a LTR, the pressure is off and you're able to just enjoy people for their personality and the interests you have in common with them regardless of gender. Yeah I think you got it in one there Sally. You're absolutely right! I've been watching videos on youtube and thinking that they reflect life. Must stop doing that...
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 But you kinda forcing her to be mean to you though. What could she have done if she likes you as a person and therefore didn't want to hurt your feeling any more than she had to i.e not wanting to date you? I'm sure she saw things the same way you do. What could she have done? Simple, politely decline my invitation to hang out. After enough times of saying no, I would have gotten the hint. But she kept saying yes. It seems very weak and passive to go to a man's home when you don't want to and you know he likes you, yet you go just because you don't want to hurt him. Saying no, is not being mean. Surely you fellas don't fall in love with every woman you meet. Is it still considered being friendzoned with them as well? What if you merely thought they were pretty and didn't know them enough to claim feelings of love? What if you only found them mildly attractive or attractive but not your preference? You're still hopelessly in love with them too? The friendzone is when a man likes a woman and wants a relationship with her, yet she sees him just as a friend. I'm wondering if infatuation is getting recognized as love......What does love have to do with anything? I'm thinking the "friendzone" is only an awful place to be for younger folks or folks who don't get laid often. Where as once you've been laid a good bit and it stops being like trying to find food when you're starving or you start getting it on the regular because you're in a LTR, the pressure is off and you're able to just enjoy people for their personality and the interests you have in common with them regardless of gender. Hit the nail on the head. The friendzone only affects guys who are single and who rarely get laid. The friendzone is like being completely starved, while being surrounded by the smell of food, yet not being allowed to eat. Once I'm in a relationship, I'd have no issue at all being just friends with women. That's why the friendzone is an absolutely terrible place to be in for a single guy.
Seamless74 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I see where this is going and its making it too complicated. Could you women please define what it is that you believe a "friend" to be?? Its thrown around here so much that it literally makes me sick: Ive got this friend, so ive been friends with this guy forever, my male friends, my friend with benefits.. yuck!!! To me a friend is someone who you socialize with regularly and actually have some form of intamacy i.e. you share personal thoughts and feelings, problems, and the like.. As well as get together in social settings regularly whether supervised or unsupervised and no work does not count. Thats what a friend is to me. its not a random person i text everyonce in awhile its not a coworker or even a coworker i fancy its an actual friend as in the before the internet type of way u know? So for me using my definition remember supervised or more specifically unsupervised get togethers its pretty much impossible to enjoy a womans company (and forget the love lust discussion that has nothing to do with it) if i am ATTRACTED SEXUALLY to her.. thats the rub if you have sexual interest that you would probably see yourself acting on at one point.,. then and only then do I find it impossible to be "just friends with someone of the opposite sex" And the reason men get upset by this or rather the reason men SHOULD get upset by this is that by "friendzoning" them your disrespecting their masculinity and basically telling them that you do not view them as a sexual threat.. So that guy you invite over to your house to watch movies on the lifetime or hallmark channel or go and meet for coffee or whatever and that you know secretly wants to bang you that you let come over and boost your ego remember your not doing him a favor your actually slapping him in the face.
Nexus One Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I'm thinking the "friendzone" is only an awful place to be for younger folks or folks who don't get laid often. Where as once you've been laid a good bit and it stops being like trying to find food when you're starving or you start getting it on the regular because you're in a LTR, the pressure is off and you're able to just enjoy people for their personality and the interests you have in common with them regardless of gender. You women keep making this about sex. It's not. I'm talking about the state where the man is in love and wants an LTR. I'm not talking about him wanting to have sex and I'm not talking about infatuations. The men around you that are in that state are few and far between.
somedude81 Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 You women keep making this about sex. It's not. I'm talking about the state where the man is in love and wants an LTR. I'm not talking about him wanting to have sex and I'm not talking about infatuations. The men around you that are in that state are few and far between. Ah! So you're the one who brought love into this thread. I'm going to dissagree with you and say that love has nothing to do with friendzones. Simply because I believe it's not possible to love somebody you are not in a relationship with. It's simply infatuation. And no, I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt like hell.
Nexus One Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Ah! So you're the one who brought love into this thread. I'm going to dissagree with you and say that love has nothing to do with friendzones. Simply because I believe it's not possible to love somebody you are not in a relationship with. It's simply infatuation. And no, I'm not saying that it doesn't hurt like hell. Note that i used the term "in love", not actual love which develops far later in an LTR. So I was pointing at long term torment. An infatuation is simply a short term addiction and isn't long term.
Author Questionis Posted January 24, 2011 Author Posted January 24, 2011 What could she have done? Simple, politely decline my invitation to hang out. After enough times of saying no, I would have gotten the hint. But she kept saying yes. It seems very weak and passive to go to a man's home when you don't want to and you know he likes you, yet you go just because you don't want to hurt him. Saying no, is not being mean. Well it is cos they cry and start begging you or cut you off completely and you never ever see them again, its like they died. Or they act like you kicked their dog or try and act brave while looking at you with these how could you do this to me eyes. I guess its cowardly but the same way you could see that she wants to be friends that's why you meeting up in a public place? I know other guys get mad cos they get invited back to the house but no sex but I mean i your situation... The friendzone is like being completely starved, while being surrounded by the smell of food, yet not being allowed to eat. Once I'm in a relationship, I'd have no issue at all being just friends with women. That's why the friendzone is an absolutely terrible place to be in for a single guy. But people spend at least 40% of their lives on their own, are you going to spend 40 % of your life denying yourself friendship and just relentlessly chasing sex? Have we forgotten that women need sex also?
Art_Critic Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 I never get tired of posting this.. There is so much truth in this series of words it should be the "Can you be friends? bible" Harry: You realize of course that we could never be friends. Sally: Why not? Harry: What I'm saying is — and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form — is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way. Sally: That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved. Harry: No you don't. Sally:Yes I do. Harry: No you don't. Sally: Yes I do. Harry: You only think you do. Sally: You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge? Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: They do not. Harry: Do too. Sally: How do you know? Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her. Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive? Harry: No, you pretty much want to nail 'em too. Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you? Harry: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story. Sally: Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then. Harry: Guess not. Sally: That's too bad. You were the only person that I knew in New York
Yamaha Posted January 24, 2011 Posted January 24, 2011 Do you really want to be these guys friends or is it b/c you feel better if you don't have to reject them outright? A real friendship takes time. How well do you know these guys to offer your friendship to them? ( or them you )
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